


True Love Must Hurt

by OnARomanHoliday



Series: Human Doctor Who Universe [1]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Au Universe no Aliens, Cheating, Children, Death, Domestic, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Inappropriate Behavior, Miscarriage, Sex, Ten and Eleven are brothers, dealing with things, death of parents, doubts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 05:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 49,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5615191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnARomanHoliday/pseuds/OnARomanHoliday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Clara are living a happy married couple life. Everything is great until one buried by the years secret doesn’t come knocking on the door and tearing them apart. Can they find their way back to each other or will they be broken forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one: The Way Were Are

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so sorry for bad grammar and spelling and that my Word knows only American English. Oh and no I didn’t check calendar for dates. Also I won’t mind even would appreciate noting any huge mistakes so I could fix them so the reading wouldn’t be such a torture, thank you and enjoy.

 

 

**12 th September 2014**

He woke up earlier than her. He always has. Despite the fact that his lack of sleep was bothering her and before that his parents, he was okay.

He just didn’t need the extra sleep. Ever since he was a little boy he had this feeling that if he would sleep for too long he would miss something really important. So going to sleep late and waking up early was his daily routine. Still, the problem with waking up early was that he didn’t have anything to do once he was up.

He checked his watch. It was five A.M. not as early as he would expect.

He turned to face her. She was very much asleep. Pretty much like always. She was such a lazy cat. Especially on…well every day.

He took a moment looking at her before he smirked, devilishly. _Her bad._ She really shouldn’t have gone to sleep that late last night or this morning to be specific.

He moved to her gently touching her face. She took a deep breath as if she was waking up but in the end she only smuggled deeper into the covers.

He started teasingly playing with her lips. Tenderly, he nibbled her bottom lip knowing how much she always enjoyed it even in sleep. The confirmation was showed when her lips parted allowing him to enter.

He smirked against her lips. _Oh his little wife._  She always did something Claralike to turn him on. And they were just warming up.

He kissed her, his tongue exploring the tasty whole to the wonderland that her mouth was. When he first kissed her he honestly saying thought that he will never have enough of it. Tongues dancing, teeth brushing and clicking. He was taken by it. Later he discovered that there were other activities he loved to do with her but kissing always kept its value and he was positive that it always will.

She leaned into the kiss but that didn’t fool him. Over the months since they started dating he realized that although she was responding to his touch she could still be deeply asleep.

He ended the kiss with a gentle bit in the end and looked at her. Yep, pretty much asleep. Well, if he wanted some action done he was going to have to try harder then.

He smiled and got on top of her carefully so he wouldn’t crush her anywhere. What would be the point if he would woke her up so simply?

He pushed the cover away. So she was left uncovered just in her pajamas and undershirt. It reminded him off how his friend Wilf told him that once a woman starts putting on clothes for bed the sex life is over. He couldn’t help but laugh at that. When Clara had put on clothes for bed for the first time they didn’t stay on her until early morning. She even scolded him for making her late for school that day and for being a grinning idiot about it.

His hands now reached her waist and pulled her undershirt above her stomach revealing her little butterfly tattoo right next to her bellybutton. That was always his first spot to kiss once he was about to start his personal spectacle.

Then he moved lower very carefully pulling down her pajamas until they were somewhere on the ground.

Gently but at the same time offhand he spread her legs from each other and leaned down to the delicate spot between them.

He started kissing her through the fabric of her blue panties and she still sleeping moaned.

After a few moments he pulled them out of the way and started playing with her clitoris with his mouth while his hands were caressing her smooth skin on her legs. Very quickly she got wet and started intensively moaning as his Australian kiss continue. His tongue was playfully stroking and thrusting her in her most sensitive place. It made her squirming although she was still in the dreamland. He knew she loved it.

His mouth was filled with the juicy liquid but he didn’t mind in fact. He adored how sweet she always was. One of a kind.

‘John…deeper,’ he heard her gasped while heavily breathing as if she was running a marathon.

He smirked and looked up. Just seeing how taken she was because of him was all it took him to get hard.

She sat up rapidly and so did he lean away from her hot spot.

They immediately kissed, hungrily and passionately while he was still wearing a bit cocky smile. That was the way their kisses always were. Love mixed with lust.

He took his boxers and pulled them down to his knees so his cock was out to breath.

He grabbed her by the waist to get her a bit higher so he could push himself inside. Their tongues still dancing inside their pressed together mouths.

She gasped into the kiss. He pulled his lips and tongue away to look at her because although the kissing, sucking and climax were the things he simply loved about his wife. The look on her face once he got inside her and until they managed to hit the climax was…well impossible to describe. But it was everything.

They moved into their wonderful rhythm which they managed to increase into perfection over the years. Their eyes never leaving each other’s face, mouths open.

He was in rapture and he was sure she was too.

_Oh, how he loves her._

The tension, the passion, the intensity all of it was just mind blowing. It was controlling, killing and pure devastation but he loved every fucking moment of it and he was more than sure that she did as well.

They moved, him still watching her but his hands having a journey through her warm body that was deadly slowly coming.

His hands on her breasts pushing her nipples causing her to scream. _That scream of hers._ More like a plea for him to continue and bring her body the joy and pleasure it greedily wanted. True be told he wanted it as well.

Very soon he felt it. He was always sooner near the end than her. Yet, it was good that way. It meant he had to try harder. And if there was a thing to be sure about John Smith was that when it came to Clara Smith he always tried the hardest.

Once he felt that he was coming he looked her deep into those huge brown eyes of hers and kept it inside him until she didn’t closed her eyes which told him that she was coming as well.

He kissed her just as it hit him but their screams still managed to find their ways out and echoed through their flat early in the morning.

She was breathing heavily and all covered in sweat she fell backwards to the bed.

He in the similar state leaned down to gently kiss her tattoo one last time.

‘Good morning,’ he whispered against it because he couldn’t manage to speak properly since he was breathing so hard.

She chuckled covering her eyes with her palm saying: ‘Now he worries about waking me up.’

He laughed and went next to her to lie on the back.

‘I couldn’t sleep,’ he said not sounding penitential at all.

She turned to face him looking crossed but he knew it was an act. The little wrinkle between her brows she has only when she’s really mad didn’t appear.

‘You’re lucky I love you so much.’

‘I’m pretty sure you love me too. Even the way I wake you up, honey.’

Her frowned turned into a smile and she sighed but looking happy, ‘Is it at least six?’

 He turned around to look at his watch again.

‘Well… ask me in a few minutes.’

‘JOHN!’                                

DDDDDDDDDD

After getting out of the bed they have their duties divided so they usually take care of them before they leave for work.

He couldn’t remember when they had decided all of it. Like that he will make breakfast while Clara does the bed or that he will go to the shower while she takes care of the living room after the guests or just themselves from the previous day.

Then they will eat their breakfast, talk about their dreams or almost anything and while Clara goes to the shower John cleans the dishes.

It started after their moving in together back when they were on the university. He did manage to get a dormitory but once Clara was also accepted they gathered money and with the help of Clara’s father got their first flat.

Everyone was sure it wouldn’t last and behind their backs say the, ‘I give it a year’ line but here they were. Five amazing years of dating plus four years of marriage and he loved every moment of it.

Sure there were small crises here and there. They were both stubborn as hell but they always managed to get over it since they loved each other too much.

Clara came from their room while he was waiting for her in the living room reading newspaper.

‘I’m ready. We can leave.’

He put them away from his face and looked at her.

‘Do you have your keys?’

She triumphantly raised them into the air.

‘Right here.’

‘Wallet?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘The pile of tests you brought home yesterday?’

She opened her mouth pointing her finger above her head, ‘We’re almost ready.’

He smiled as she ran back to the bedroom. _His little raggedy teacher._

He drove her to work listening to the radio and Clara laughed as he sang ‘Eyes of the Tiger’ and ‘I lose myself’. He was a terrible singer.

After kissing her goodbye he drove to the clinic he was working in.

DDDDDDDDDDDDD

He liked it there surrounded by patients and doctors. Ever since he was young he always dreamed into becoming a doctor. He always admired them for helping others. He always wanted to be like that. When he first told it to Clara it was their second official date. She gently smiled at him telling him that he already is that kind of a man.

He got hit by someone into the shoulder he turned around to find Rory Williams smiling at him.

‘Good morning, doctor.’

John grinned.

‘Good morning to you too, doctor.’

It was their little joke ever since they finished school. He and Rory met on the first day of their studies at the university. They immediately got into a bromance and not once ever since got separate. When he introduced Rory to his good friend from high school Amy Clara laughed saying that he’s acting like some fan girl. But he just couldn’t help it. He could feel it in his bones and once they actually started going out John could only give Clara a satisfied grin until she wouldn’t shook her head and kiss him.

His brown haired friend gave him a chattily look and started as they walked through the main hale. The kind of look he has when he wants to say something important.

‘So we are,’ started Rory.

John turned to him surprise all over his face, ‘OMG! So you’re going to have a baby?’

‘Yes John,’ he started calmly before he screamed, ‘me and Amy are going to have a baby!’

‘Rory, I’m so happy for you guys. Although, now the image of you two is stuck in my head but I’m really happy.’

‘Thank you, mate. So you and Clara should definitely come tonight. Celebrate and all.’

‘Sure thing, mate. Wow,’ he shook his head, ‘you’re going to be a father, my friend.’

‘I’m going to be a father.’

They both laughed and manly hugged jumping during it like idiots for a moment.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

After that the day went on usually and a bit boringly since everything was shadowed by the big news about Rory and Amy.

The doctors had a small meeting which went almost unnoticed by John and Rory and their third colleague in their little bro-group an American Jack Harkness.

John wasn’t sure how he and Jack ended up being friends. With Rory it was simple both wanted to be doctors. Both of them stayed up late in the library to study since Rory had a terrible roommate and John couldn’t keep his hands of Clara with who he have started to live then. It was really funny. You know, one moment you’re completely strangers and in the next you’re best friends in the world. It was the same with both but still he always thought that Rory would be his friend under any circumstances. They could’ve met anywhere and he was sure they would immediately become friends. Jack, well that was a different story….

John would think about it further if Jack wasn’t throwing little crumpled papers at each other just like they did during every meeting.

He was sitting closer to the door. Yet he didn’t know why he took that exact moment to look at the door as he did but once his eyes were on them they opened.

 _‘Rose Tyler,’_ was John’s first thought as a very pretty blond-haired woman walked through the door.

She hadn’t notice him. She just walked to their supervisor and smiled as he announced her as the new lawyer of their hospital.

John slightly caught that she started talking or that Jack leaned to him whispering, ‘Hot like hell,’ because once his eyes saw her he travelled back in time.

DDDDDDDDD

**17 th of July 2004**

17 years old John Smith was standing next to his locker looking at the pretty girl just across the hall talking to another girl.

Tall, blond, and drop dead stunning. Rose Tyler never went unnoticed wherever she walked. Every boy who walked next to her endowed with a look. John was no exception though he was more like staring than looking. It was much longer than a look would last.

He was so caught by her he didn’t even notice his best friend Amy Pond coming from the other direction. Before the red haired had time to reach him she was violently hit into the shoulder by a black haired girl wearing a leather jacket despite the terribly hot day that it was.

‘Watch it!’ she called but the girl didn’t even turn around to apologize.

Amy angrily groaned and pressed herself against the lockers next to John.

‘What a bitch! She can’t even spell a four lettered sorry!’ Amy folded her arms and looked at her friend for support. ‘Oh John,’ she sighed, ‘you’re staring.’

He blushed a bit and turned to Amy who was smirking.

‘John, you’re such a goody-goody.’

He gazed at her. ‘Not all of us can go out with a band bloke.’

‘I don’t know that Eric guy kind of likes you.’

‘Pass.’ He shivered disgusted and she laughed.

‘Well, if you’re done staring at miss prettiest girl in the whole universe maybe we could discuss the love letter thing?’ she asked hopefully.

‘Amy,’ he opened his locker, ‘for the last time. It was one boring night thing. I’m not going to give it to her just like that, okay?’

‘Why not? I read it and believe me when I say this but if someone wrote such a thing to me I would totally dig my dating only-band-guys and hook up with him before he had time to blink.’ She put a hand on her heart to prove her words.

John just rolled his eyes, ‘Still, I am not giving her the stupid letter so you can forget about it.’

‘But why?’

‘Because she’s Rose Tyler. I have a crush on her since I was 16-‘

‘More like a huge crush since kindergarten,’ she cut in which he repaid her with a glare before he continued.

‘ _But_ that is just some silly puberty thing, okay? She would never be with a boy like me.’

‘You don’t know that!’ protected Amy.

‘But I do. Rose Tyler and John Smith are never going to happen because she likes being in the center of the group while I’m happier somewhere in the back. People like that don’t end up being together, Amy. They end up stopping talking to each other once they turn 15 and never do it again. Trust me I know because that’s what happened.’

Amy’s face dropped feeling sorry for her best friend. She really hated seeing John sad like this. It was a terrible and heartbreaking image. He only had this look of a broke man when it came to his parents or Rose Tyler and she just hated it.

‘John.’

‘It’s okay,’ he said as she put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

‘Let’s just stop talking about it, okay?’

Unconvinced she nodded.

 John nodded as well and left.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

‘What?’ whispered John as Jack silently called his name a few times.

‘I said that she’s looking at you. Why?’

‘We were classmates back in high school.’

‘Was she as hot then as she is now?’ asked his womanizer friend with a spark in his eyes.

John rolled his eyes. ‘She was a girl back then.’

‘So she was cute but now she is hot.’

‘I’ll say she’s hot if you’ll stop repeating that.’

‘Mr. Smith is there something you would like to add?’ asked their supervisor. Oh, how John and his fellow doctors hated the narrow-minded old man.

Jack as a total jerk chuckled.

John shook his head speechless and shot Jack a killer glance before his green eyes fell on Rose who was smiling at him.

She looked great and as Jack pointed out she was extremely hot. She was tall but not as tall as Amy was. She still kept her hair blond which he thought suit her the most. She was simply beautiful and attractive Rose Tyler as she always was and possibly always would be.

Just then he noticed that her lips formed a small ‘hello’ and he did the same.

Both of them sat during the rest of the meeting with smiles on their faces like old friends that they never really were. It’s funny how you hate each other or never talk to each other only to be end up being good friends after several years of being unseen.

‘Oh my god!’ said Rose once it was over and they could stand up and talk.

They subconsciously hugged which made him a bit surprised feeling sun and strawberries.

‘John Smith.’

‘Rose Tyler.’

They pulled away. ‘How are you?’ he asked still smiling.

She laughed and looked down and up at herself, ‘What you see is what there is.’

‘I would go for it,’ said Jack who joined them with Rory from the other side of the table.

‘John Smith,’ Rose shook her head, ‘finally the doctor he always wanted to be.’

‘Oh, so being a doctor was your high school dream?’

‘More like kindergarten,’ laughed Rose a rose her hand. ‘Rose Tyler.’

Once they all shook hands she continued, ‘I remember him a meter high standing up on the chair screaming at the teachers there that once he will became a doctor he will throw all their disgusting apples into the rubbish bin and here we are.’

‘Disgusting apples?’ questioned Rory.

‘Oh the food there was terribly,’ explained John, ‘I also remembered a little blond girl crying every time they made their mushroom soup.’

 She grinned.

‘Oh so you and Miss Tyler-‘

‘Just Rose please.’

‘That you and Rose are longtime classmates,’ said Jack teasingly looking at John.

‘Yes, Jack we were.’

John looked back at Rose, ‘So I can see you become a lawyer.’

‘Sure did. So how are you?’

‘Weeeell, I’m married,’ he said showing her his hand.

She nodded admiring. ‘Wow, who’s the lucky one?’

‘Clara.’

‘Oh,’ she let out looking rather shocked then surprised.

 His face dropped which she explained as an offence. ‘Oh, I didn’t mean it like that really. Just that you and Clara were so opposite back then. She was such a rebel.’

‘Clara Smith a rebel?’ asked Jack surprised.

Rose smiled and nodded before touching John’s shoulder, ‘And you were such a goody-goody.’

He rolled his eyes.

‘For the last time I wasn’t a goody-goody,’ he proclaimed.

‘Why is everyone saying that?’

‘Because you were,’ said Rose grinning.

‘No, I wasn’t.’

‘Yes, you were.’

‘Yes, you were,’ agreed Rory who cut into their dialog.

The three looked at him with a questioned faces.

Rory shrugged his shoulders, ‘Me and Amy tell each other everything.’

‘Amy as if Amy Pond?’ asked Rose hopefully.

‘Well, yes but she’s Williams now though.’

‘Wow, talking about small world, right? How is she?’

‘Well… pregnant,’ praised Rory.

‘You definitely have to send my regards top her.’

‘Of course.’

‘Miss Tyler?’ called her their supervisor, ‘we still need to discuss a few things. They said their goodbyes and split.

DDDDDDDDDDDD

Rory came earlier from work than usual to help Amy prepare everything for tonight.

The brown headed man approached the red headed woman who was just cooking dinner he hugged her from behind his hands caressing her stomach.

She smiled and turned to face him so they could greet with their usual kiss on the lips. Smiling he leaned down and carefully pulled up her top so he could place a small kiss on the stomach as well.

She giggled, ‘You moron! You know he can’t feel anything, right?’

‘I’m a doctor so I’ll be the judge of that.’

She shook her head.

‘So did you enjoy telling them as much as you said you would?’ asked Amy while hitting his hand when he was trying to steal a bite.

‘Au! Yes, I told everyone and everyone is sending their regards even your old classmate…Gosh I forgot her name. What was it?’

Amy shrugged her shoulder continuing the meal while he went to sit still thinking, ‘What was it? Uhm…’

‘I don’t know I had many classmates. Which school was it? And we’re did you meet her?’

‘High school and she started working as our hospital’s new lawyer. She talked with John and you came up so I told her.’

She sneered, ‘Came up? I bet you couldn’t wait to tell another person.’

‘Truth, uhm wait a second she was your height maybe a little shorter. Good dressed. Blond hair, big brown eyes.’

‘I hope you aren’t falling for her,’ she warned him and he smiled, ‘You know I’m into redheads. Anyway it was Rose…’

Amy froze to dead in spot.

‘Rose something.’

Very slowly Amy turned around forgetting about the food, ‘Rose T-tyler?’ she stuttered.  

Rory looked at her. Suddenly she was pale like a white wall and her eyes were as big as two plates.

He quickly stood up and put his hands on her shoulders, ‘Amy what’s wrong? Are you feeling, okay?’

‘I think I need… to sit down,’ she let out her eyes clouded by the amount of thoughts that rushed through her in those few minutes. Things like _bloody Rose Tyler_ were just the tip of the iceberg.

Rory helped her to the chair he was sitting on just a moment ago worried like hell about her actions. He always was an anxious person about people close to him. His mother once told him that it could have something to do with the fact that as three-year old he and his father were in a small car accident.

John had a different theory. Once after a quite difficult day he told him. _‘It’s good that you’re worried like that. I’m mean maybe not that good but it’s not you know…bad. We all got it. Sometimes when I get home after some woman got hit by a car or stab or something I just come home to Clara hug her burying my face into her hair and hold her like that until every little cell in my body fully knows that she is okay.’_

_‘Do you talk about it with her?’_

John gave him an arty smile. _‘We don’t have to.’_

Maybe it was that maybe not yet Rory Williams was a careful man. And more when it came to Amy and double time more when it came to their yet to come baby.

Amy wasn’t sure why she was so terrified by the new situation perhaps it was the hormones but suddenly the fact that anyone mentioned Rose Tyler made her worried like hell.

She closed her eyes and instructed by Rory did a few deep breaths in and out while her mind went back into that day ten years ago.  

DDDDDDDDDDD

**17 th of July 2004**

Amy watched John Smith her best friend walk away and just when she was sure he couldn’t see her she opened his locker (since both of them knew each other’s codes just in case) and pulled out a little tagged together paper with Rose written on it.

She looked at the direction John had left just to check and closed the locker.

_‘Sorry John, but you can’t never really know.’_

She walked to the classroom where she and Rose were supposed to have their next subject and put the paper on Rose’s usual desk with a rubber on top of it so it wouldn’t get blown away.

Hoping for the best she left for a few minutes before she came in again.

DDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

Amy opened her eyes. She shouldn’t worry. As she remembered before it was already ten years ago. _History_.

After what had happen John and Rose met uncountable times in the halls and on their common subjects but never really talked.

She smiled a bit. It was going to be fine. Rory who was cowered right next to her took her hand.

‘Are you okay? Tell me what’s wrong, please.’

‘Nothing just…,’ she looked at him seeing how worry and overreacted he looked and shook her head. Her loving and caring husband. She still caught herself wondering how have she deserved him when she was _the way she was_ back in school but always remembered how Clara used to be mean and bitch and told herself that not everything comes around.

‘I just got a little dizzy that’s all.’

‘You sure, dear?’

She nodded and although he wasn’t convinced he let it go.

 DDDDDDDDDDD

John left work an hour after Rory. As he was walking out of the hospital he saw Rose in his boss office and they waved each other. It was strange seeing her and all but kind of unimportant as well.

He could only smile at himself thinking about how much he was in love with her then and how much it didn’t matter once he started dating Clara.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**17 th of July 2004**

John was angry. Never before has he been as angry as he was right now on Amy. How could she do this to him?

When she came to him after biology and told him what she done he screamed, literally. The fact that he had screamed of course brought attention of all his classmates who were in the room so he had to control himself but still he was angry like never before at the redhead biting her bottom lip in front of him anxious about his state after the news of what she had done.

‘Are you kidding me? Tell me that it’s a joke,’ he insisted.

Although Amy was worried she still managed to smile shaking her head. One of those weird and from time to time inapt motions you can’t really stop yourself from committing.

‘It’s not. So listened you have to go to that bench you wrote about and wait for her.’

So here he was angry with minimum hope sitting on a bench trying to listen to music and overlapping Amy to hell.

He was sitting there for like an hour knowing for sure that Rose wasn’t coming when a black-haired girl from his school came to him saying something.

He blinked looking at her face and quickly moving lips. Abruptly, he put his earphones down which turned out to be an unfortunate choice at least in the moment. ‘What?’

‘I said are you a complete moron?’ she asked clearly not wanting an answer. Well ask more like hysterically yelled.

‘P-pardon?’

‘I go to sleep you’re here I wake up you’re here. Suck it up!’ now she yelled at him.

‘Sleep where?’ he asked turning around there were just seats for audience during some school competitions since the field was right in front of the bench he was sitting on.

He turned back to her only to be rewarded with, ‘If it’s a girl she isn’t interested and if it’s a friend then he just doesn’t care. So stop being a loser and get out.’

She turned around and walked away.

Although the things that she had said or why had she said them in the first place should have been the ones to be concerned about. The only thing that was on his mind was Clara Oswald crying?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

He smiled again as he walked up the stairs to their flat. Who would have said a ‘complete moron’ would turned into a ‘I love you’?

Clara was writing behind her small working desk probably checking some tests with her earphones on reminding him about their first talk once again.

Still smiling he walked to her from behind and pressed a soft kiss on her neck.

She jerked and uncovered her ears, ‘Hey, you startled me.’

‘Sorry,’ he kissed her again this time on the lips. It was shortly yet effective as their tongues brushed expressing the love they felt. She finished the kiss with a tempting moan that caused him to proudly smirk like always.

‘Don’t apologize. I like startles like that,’ she said teasingly and he just had to lean down again to kiss her once more. Passionately and demandingly pushing his tongue inside. They did their little dominance competition once again.

Now both moaning they leaned away and he looked down at her work, ‘New pile?’

‘Uh-huh, it’s annoying. I love teaching not doing paper work.’

‘You always loved being listened.’

She hit his shoulder and he laughed.

‘By the way have you got my message about the Ponds?’

‘Of course plus Amy has called to tell me the big news. Still John you know they’re not Ponds, right?’

‘I can’t help it. I really like the sound of it,’ he said putting down his jacket.

‘Oh, Clara you have to promise me you won’t get angry or jealous about who I have met today.’

‘Was it John Deep?’

‘No, it was-’ he was cut by Clara’s phone.

‘It’s my father.’

‘Tell him I say hi.’

She nodded and started talking while he continued undressing and went to the shower. Once he came back they both got ready and headed to the door.

‘Honey, you didn’t finish,’ started Clara as they were outside and she was locking up their door.

‘Who should I be jealous about?’ she asked with a smirk.

He rewarded her with one of his own, ‘Well, guess who is the new hospital’s lawyer?’

‘Surprise me.’

He got ahead of her and opened the front door for her.

‘Rose Tyler.’

 

 

 


	2. The Way We Were

**12 th September 2014**

During their ride to ‘Ponds’ they were quiet. They were quietly listening to the radio. They were quietly breathing. They were quietly looking out of the windows.

Since John was driving he was looking in front of himself not noticing that Clara was all tense looking out of the passenger’s window on her side her head full of worries she couldn’t formed into words. Not in front of her husband at least.

Yet, whether it was Clara’s worries or just John’s memories both were coming in their minds back to the absolute beginnings of them as a couple.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**1 st September 2004**

The whole summer went on and the holidays ended keeping John’s mind in a constant circle about what had happened. After Amy apologized to him for the fifteen time and calling Rose Tyler and Clara Oswald bitches for  fourteen time and swearing to never take matters into her own hands about his love life ever again for the twenty time their friendship was rebuild.

After what Rose did and actually giving in into Clara Oswald words he somehow got over it…well not completely but he started looking differently on life and went more out then he had used to. He even went on a few dates although none of them lasted to the next one but it was a start. Admitting he was a bit worried at first about coming back to school he was glad to find out that nothing changed. Well, maybe except for him.

He and Amy were still making jokes like before although a little less since she started serious dating. And Rose Tyler was still ignoring him. He was glad. Ignorance is better than sneer. Or so he supposed.

He was sitting on his English literature while the professor was making a time-sheet.

‘Okay, next, Oswald?’ asked the professor looking through the class. John who was sitting in the front also looked behind just like a few others but didn’t see her anywhere (which wasn’t strange at all since she was known for skipping school) until a hand from the last desk in the corner didn’t rose up.

John blinked surprised.

‘I see. Starting the year with a new hair and on time? Good for you miss Oswald let’s see how long will it last,’ said the professor nodding and continuing.

John remained looking to the back at Clara Oswald who was now brown haired and although she had a black t-shirt on her the leather jacket was gone.

‘Smith? John Smith?’

He turned back to the front.

‘I’m here.’

‘Then answer. Next Sonnieh?’

John was surprised and looking around he knew he wasn’t the only one.

‘Brown hair?’

‘That’s not dyed. Back in the middle school she was brown. This is her natural color.’

‘You think she wants to get more guys with that? You do know she’s a slut, right?’

‘Yeah, maybe she finally understood that rockers aren’t attractive and she wants to go a lever higher.’

John looked at his desk. Sure, from their junior year had been filled with rumors about Clara going out with any boy who wanted her. Amy wasn’t an exception.

John didn’t give much thought about it then. He was pretty much consumed by daydreaming about Rose then wondering if the rumors were true. It was true that Clara could be a pain in the ass. She caused a few fights, permanently was sitting in the principal office and arguing with anyone anywhere.

She did call him a complete moron at the last day of school. Still, Clara Oswald represented a strong tough woman who never showed not even a hint of weakness and yet he knew for sure that she was crying.

He turned around again and looked at her.

She was looking out of the window.

He turned back and despite the fact that he was right in front of a lecturing professor he closed his eyes trying to remember her from that day.

She was wearing a black and pink skirt… and well the leather jacket she had always worn then. What next? Probably some t-shirt most likely black. He didn’t notice her shoes or if she had socks but he knew pretty well how to describe her face. Her big brown eyes red around the irises and the messed up mascara beneath them. Her nose was red as if she was sick and so were her cheeks. She was definitely crying. He found himself wondering why a troublemaker like Clara would be crying for the rest of his day. Why it suddenly bothered him he didn’t know.

It was lunch and since Amy was somewhere out living her secret romance affair John was forced to decide rather to eat with the guys he knew will go to study medicine like him or guys he only knew thanks to Amy.

Scanning the cafeteria he noticed brown hair leaving with a nappy through the exit door.

Before he knew it he found himself heading after her. She was sitting on the stairs eating her meal.

When she saw him she raised her brows in a bit sneer and challenge way, ‘If you’re about to throw up you’re not doing it in front of me while I’m eating.’ Well her hair might’ve changed but her behavior was untouched.

He smiled relaxing a bit because of that. ‘Thanks for your concern but I’m okay.’

She gave him a sarcastic smile. ‘That was not concern.’

‘Whatever.’

He wasn’t sure why he sat down on one of the stairs higher than her but he did. Thoughts about his good judgment were pushed away as he was looking at her figure in front of him and for the first time actually paying attentions.

She looked back at him for a brief moment with a funny look on her face and although he knew she was making fun of him in her mind for sure he found the look amusing as well.

They sat like that eating neither saying a word.

‘Am I your charity case?’ They looked at each other again.

‘Or did you wanted to tell me something in return?’ she asked looking a bit angry. Clara hated many things in the school and in life in general. She knew she was hard to put up with so she wasn’t shocked that she didn’t have any friends. She didn’t blame anyone. She found it even a bit suitable for her. So this boy John Smith who’s best friend was a real slut and who’s obsession with the most wanted girl in school was embarrassing was really annoying her with his whole appearance of giving a shit for her. Then again if he really wanted to say something he should just spill it out.

He watched her for a moment before he continued eating, ‘If I wanted to say something I would have said it a while ago, don’t you think?’

‘Maybe you lost courage when it came to actual act.’ Was she mocking him? Who’s he kidding? She was well known for mocking everybody.

He shrugged his shoulders, ‘Think whatever you want, Clara.’

It wasn’t like those silly love movies that when he said her name he knew she was the one nor that he liked the sound of it or that it was like pure music coming from his lips. Yet, he couldn’t deny that the moment he said it if not time then at least the two of them stopped.

He didn’t know what she was thinking in the following moments but he himself wondered how many of their classmates called her by her first name and not bitch. Honestly, he didn’t expect them to be many.

She got up and started walking away leaving the nappy behind.

‘Are you really leaving that for those poor ladies to clean it?’ he called after her.

To his surprise she returned for the nappy and he couldn’t help a smile crawling into his face.

‘By the way, why did you bleach your hair?’

She stood in the spot with the nappy in her hands frowning at him on the stair he was sitting at. The question honestly surprised her and despite the fact that she looked annoyed by it she felt actually a bit pleased that instead of gossiping behind her back someone actually asked her. Not that she was going to admit it. In front of this Chin boy at least.

‘What-do you think that there is something wrong with my hair?’

‘No, I’m just asking.’

‘Why?’

‘To start a conversation? I heard they can be pretty nice.’

She raised her brows again, ‘Did you hit your head or something?’

He opened his mouth but closed it again and looked in front of him. Already regretting he asked, ‘Sorry for asking.’

She looked at her nappy a small guilt striking her, ‘It’s a personal thing actually.’

‘Double sorry for that,’ he said his gaze remaining on the field in front of him and so she started walking again.

Just as he was wondering why he had followed her in the first place he heard, ‘I want to look like my mum,’ she explained and closed the door.

He smiled like an idiot and turned around although he knew she wasn’t there anymore.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**2 nd September 2004**

The next day she didn’t come to the class and so John hang out with Amy until she again hadn’t leave to meet with her new boyfriend. So he was walking home alone.

When he noticed her standing on one bus stop he wasn’t sure rather to avoid her somehow or scold for skipping school. Deciding neither as he walked to Clara Oswald and pulled her earphones out of her ears obviously startling her.

She took a step back with an upset look ready to spill it at him when he said, ‘The girl I was hoping would come was Rose Tyler.’

She blinked and the wrath turned to curiosity.

He grinned, ‘Something personal for something personal.’

The bus had just came and so Clara had to go get a sit but standing on the stairs while he was waiting for her to leave she said.

‘The rumors are a lie. I’m still a virgin.’

He opened his mouth a bit surprised about that discovery. He knew she could be lying. Too many people were talking against her. Why would she never try to defense herself or perhaps she did and he just never heard about it. One way or another he choose to believe her.

She was already inside either uninterested or scared of his reaction. As she sat down she noticed that he pulled out a paper probably bored out from one of his books.

_I didn’t cheat at the tests last year. Your turn_

She wasn’t sure what would she do if the bus didn’t leave in the moment but the bus did leave and their game continued. She knew what he meant it was a huge thing when he broke the England record in the test their school decided to participate. Everyone was sure he was cheating and making a big thing about it.

He didn’t know about Clara but he was definitely taken by her confessions. Especially the one about her being still a virgin.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**3 rd September 2004**

He and Amy were studying at his house just like they did plenty of times before. He took the opportunity and asked her. What else could he loose?

‘Amy you remember when you and Melisa-’

‘Do not say the name of that traitor out loud ever again.’

He rolled his eyes, ‘Yes, I know that she is your mortal nemesis and that you will never forgive her that she didn’t tell you about her taking pills-’

‘That’s not funny John, I was exercising and dieting for month with a complete liar.’

‘Still, you remember the thing that Clara Oswald was going out with a bunch of old rich guys, right?’

‘Oh John, that’s soo last year but yeah I do.’

‘Well,’ he stopped pretending he was looking at his book, ‘how did you know?’

Amy also looked up and smirked raising her brows, ‘Everybody knows that, John.’

‘Yeah but how?’ he asked putting the book completely away.

She frowned. ‘I don’t know. Me and… me and that cow saw her getting into the car with a stranger-’

‘Maybe it was her dad.’

‘You didn’t let me finish. It was always a different guy and car. We just said what we saw and thought …. And since when are you so interested in Clara Oswald’s career?’ she asked frustrated.

John knew that change of voice she had. She was feeling guilty but didn’t want to admit it. He knew his red-haired friend. She wasn’t a bad person. She was airy and stubborn and all but she was a good person. So when she got all protective and defensive he knew she was nervous and regretting something she done. That itself told him the true about Clara Oswald.

‘Talking about wrong girls. Didn’t she call you an idiot?’

‘A complete moron to be specific but I’m sure she called you worst things.’

Amy took the book and threw it at him, ‘Go screw yourself.’

He just laughed. He didn’t tell Amy about his weird experience with Clara. She would just call him crazy and do anything in her powers to bring his feelings down so he would have to give up Clara.

He froze carefully looking at Amy as if she could actually hear him. How did _feelings_ or _give up_ got into the same sentence as _Clara_?

They didn’t return to the topic until later that evening as Amy was leaving through the door she told him, ‘Anyway it was absolutely pointless what me and that cow said which was nothing but true, by the way. Yet, the rumors about Clara Oswald were already out thanks to Eric Green.’

‘So he started them?’

She shrugged her shoulders, ‘I guess so.’

He made sure she got home safe and retuned home as well. Again he was up until eleven. It wasn’t a surprise he always liked staying awake. He was lying on the bed when his phone buzzed.

_I was the one who broke the principal’s photograph in the vestibule. Got your phone from the school records. Clara Oswald_

He was surprised by the message and quickly sat up from his bed where he had been reading. It took his a few minutes to absorb the fact and write back.

_I always knew it was you and I never liked that photo. I once came drunk because of Amy to school and threw up in the vestibule. John Smith_

The message returned in a few moments much longer than the previous one.

_I had stepped into it on my way to the class. I was running late. I used to phone prof. Lane and counting down numbers. I had to throw away my phone after that since the police came to school but it was worth it. Clara Oswald_

_I once thought that our librarian was hitting on me. It turned out she was hitting on Mike the caretaker. John Smith_

It went on until four A.M. He never told so many things to a complete stranger. In fact he never told so many of those things to any of his friends. Furthermore, he wasn’t even sure she had told anyone just one of the things she just told him but maybe he was just boasting.

_By the way, aren’t you supposed to be sleeping? I heard it’s good for the body and mind._

There was a long pause before she replied. He was starting to think she did actually fall asleep when suddenly the answer came.

_I’m in the hospital. My father had an attack._

_Is he okay?_ He texted without thinking of course he was not he had an attack. _Idiot_.

The reply was in one word.

After that she didn’t reply on any of his messages so he let it go for a while only to open every medical book he had and in three hours became an absolute expert on the disease.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**8 th September 2004**

Clara hadn’t been seen in school for several days though John hasn’t really expected her to. Yet, he was desperate. He wanted to meet her. To talk, to know how is she and if he can do anything about it. The loss like that was too close to his heart. To close to home. He hated the helplessness. Always have and always will.

Which was probably the reason why he John Smith was spending his afternoon walking from one hospital to another looking for some Oswald. He didn’t even know his first name and wasn’t even a family relative but he was pretty resolute. Luckily, there were just about hundred hospitals in the London but only seven were near the bus stop he saw her standing seven days ago. The one that Clara’s father was in was the 7th one on his list. _Lucky him._

Once he had convinced the head nurse that he was his nephew who came to visit him he walked to his room. Just then did he realize he didn’t even know what to say to the man. He knew his daughter just slightly although they told each other so many things they should have been more than best friends. But that was it.

Behind the small window on the door he saw a man in his late forties sitting on his small hospital bed reading a book. Looking at him he could only see Clara’s nose the rest was different. The man had black hair which was making a great contrast to his pale skin. _One of the symptoms._

He was just thinking if he should walk in when the answer represented itself in a hard shove he earned from Clara who appeared out of nowhere.

‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing here?’ They went a bit away from the room.

She was furious. After what happen to her dad she felt another wave of depression hit her and she wanted to talk to someone, to take her mind go away from the long-term problem. She didn’t want to alarm his friends at work again and since she didn’t have her own friends that wouldn’t know her father she decided that John Smith was a safe choice. To be honest she caught herself thinking about him a few times during the summer after what had happened and even more after their short lunch chat although she wasn’t sure why was she so focused on him. Just like she wasn’t so sure why did she tell him about her dad? She was having a lack of sleep that night but it wasn’t that bad.

‘What did you came to asperse me in front of my own dad? Or pity me? Either way get lost!’ _Boy was she angry like hell._

‘I knew I shouldn’t have talked to you in the first place. Was this your idea or your carrot-headed friend?’

She shoved him again shaking her head, ‘You bastard. You must have had a blast when I was spilling my secrets. Well, you know what, John Smith? You can-’

‘CLARA!’ called someone. They both turned to find Clara’s father standing in the hall along with other patients who got disturbed by Clara’s speech.

‘What’s going on, dear?’

‘Nothing dad,’ she replied bitterly and looked back at John, ‘It’s just a stupid childish prank.’

John’s eyes and mouth were wide open by her words. She was more than upset and she had a right to. He did sort of got into her privacy when he had decided to come here but accusing him of being that cruel and make a joke on her?

She started walking to her dad when John took her by the shoulder and brought back to her previous standing spot looking and feeling a bit angry himself.

‘First of all, I’m not your punching bag to shove me whenever you want. Second, don’t yell at me because I have an excellent hearing and you don’t know anything including me. And last but not least yes I came but it was because of your father but it’s not out of pity. It’s because of solidarity to what happened to him,’ he said looking her deeply and unbreakably into those brown eyes of hers.

She swallowed clearly taken by his words. Never breaking the contact of eyes or skin. _No!_ She knew the world too well. She wasn’t going to fall for this! _Not again!_

‘Bullshit!’ she finally found her voice after a moment, ‘You don’t even care about my father!’

‘But I care about you.’ Even as a married man he still can’t seem to tell why or how those words became but nevertheless he never regrets them.

‘And I’m not heartless which makes your father one of my concerns as well.’

They stood like that eyes on each other. His hand still on her shoulder. He himself was surprised by his words so he couldn’t even imagine Clara’s astonishment. Yet, he was starting to realize that when it came to her he acted pretty spontaneously and wildly. Not like him at all.

As they stood like that he suddenly saw how her tongue came out and she licked her lips, very slowly. As a reflex his own lips had parted and he was simply sure that if it wasn’t for Clara’s father who called him they would have definitely kissed. And just the fantasy of it was much more thrilling and fascinating than disgusting as he would just a few days ago thought.

‘Well John, I suppose?’ asked Clara’s father.

‘Y-yes?’ he immediately turned to him breaking the trance.

‘It’s been a while since Clara brought a friend to introduce to me. Years, to be honest.’

‘Dad!’

‘Would you like some tea?’ asked the older man ignoring the killing looks his daughter was giving him with a calm smile on his face.

‘That sounds great.’

‘Excellent, Clara,’ both looked at her, ‘Dear, once you’re done bubbling you can join us. John?’

And so John went to the small hospital room leaving Clara standing in the hall.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Clara’s father Dave as he asked to call him was a really nice man on the outside just as he was on the inside. He was expecting him to ask him a bunch of questions about Clara but instead he pulled him into a calm conversation. It was a very light talk from the begging but quickly turned into a more intellectual one. John liked the man he reminded him of his father when he was little or what he remembered about him.

Clara joined them only after half an hour also immediately getting into the discussion. Somewhere during her father’s monolog about the WWII Clara gently put her hand on his. It was nicely warmed and soft and he liked how small her hand was compare to his. Neither of them said a word about it then or ever but both knew that was the starting button to what had happen later.

He moved his hand and lightly wiggled his fingers with hers. It was electric itself. He just couldn’t deny it and wondered if she could feel the light twinkle as well. He knew it was just her way of thanking him but _damn_ it felt so _nice_.

If the nurse didn’t show up telling them that the visiting hours were over for a long time he wouldn’t even notice. He didn’t even notice how late it was or how long he was holding hands with her. As it was time to leave they let go of each other, at the same time.

The time he spent here was great so he promised to come again. And he was sure he would.

‘It’s quite late,’ said Dave looking at the dark sky behind the window.

John immediately took the hint and shook his hand saying the usual phrases and whispering, ‘I’ll get her home safe,’ making sure only Dave could hear him.

The man appreciably nodded. John knew that they would make great friend soon. He just felt it.

Once they were out of the hospital he didn’t try to take her hand again nor did they talked. It was like a dream. He John Smith was walking Clara Oswald home.

She managed to get a step ahead although he was taller and therefore had bigger steps. He had a feeling she was trying to dig him. Well, he was very much sure of it.

He walked her or walked behind her to the bus stop near the hospital.

She took a deep breath and finally after a moment turned to him. He could see how tense she was. _Hell_ , he himself started to feel it too because of her. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t like she was going to hit him or kiss him. Okay, now he was really tense because of her and himself. 

‘I’m sorry for yelling at you like a total bitch,’ she got out of herself which he rewarded with a laugh. Honestly and offending, he laughed like a little boy. It wasn’t a mean laugh or anything he just couldn’t help it. The way her face fell and a little bit worried frown appeared on it was just too comic to handle.

Clara wasn’t so amused and took his reaction as an insult. Now feeling humiliated she ran into the bus leaving John on the stop trying to calm down.

He didn’t wait and quickly rushed after her but was stopped by the bus driver who stopped him asking money.

After paying he reached the petite brown head sitting by the window on the back single place seat.

Luckily the bus wasn’t that filled so he sat right in front of her, ‘Sorry, for laughing at the funny face you had while apologizing to me.’

Her gaze didn’t leave the window so he continued.

‘And sorry for being a stoker.’

‘How many hospitals did you have to go through until you found me and my dad?’

He put his hand behind his neck and brushed it, ‘How did you know I didn’t ask anyone?’

‘No one knows.’

He put his head on the backrest.

‘Well, I knew the number of the bus so I checked its bus stops hoping that it will be a hospital and not your home and that the hospital will be near,’ he explained and was left speechless as her face changed and her lips formed a cute smile that she was desperate by fight.

‘How many hospitals did you go through until you found us?’

To her surprise and amusement he turned around so she would face his back. She blinked. But before he knew it she jumped into the seat that was in front of him, ‘Tell me.’

He turned again now facing the back seat she was occupying just a moment ago.

She snored a bit and sat right next to him. That was when he looked at her a bit startled by the sudden contact that the touch of their covered shoulders brought.

‘It wasn’t that many.’

‘7th?’

His jaw dropped.

‘H-how did you know?’

‘I’m a psychic,’ she said proudly.

‘Lucky guess then?’

She chuckled.

‘Got you worried back there didn’t I.’

  He grinned, ‘Just a bit. Are you going to come to the school tomorrow?’

‘I’m not sure. I kind of hate it there. Dad just really wants me to go.’

‘I noticed.’

‘Hm?’ she looked at him again and so he quickly explained pulling out several copy-books out of his bag, ‘That you hate school. Still, you shouldn’t skip so much. You’ll have a lot to get to.’

He gave them to her.

Silently she read the labels and names frowning, ‘Uhm, I’m pretty sure that all these jerks hate me. How did you manage to get their notes?’

He winked at her, ‘I have my ways.’

‘Oh really, do tell. How did you managed to get a kid that I called a hypocritical-perv-who-would-fuck-a-horse-if-he-could to give me his notes?’

‘I didn’t tell him it was for you.’

‘So what did you say? Hey, give me your notes for an anonymous student who wasn’t at school for the past week?’

‘No, I said hi I’m John, the new school president could I please borrow your notes?’ During the time he didn’t see her there was a few interesting things that happened that had nothing to do with her but somehow being with her right now seemed the most important thing there was.

She blinked, ‘You’re the new president? I thought you hated being the center of attention.’

‘I’m not sure being a school president makes you popular or anything well except in a nerd-like way. Still how did you… Oh, I told you the concert thing, didn’t I?’

She smirked, ‘Yes, you did.’

He looked through the window, ‘Anyway, you should have them done as soon as possible so I can return them and please don’t put there any stupid drawing or writing, okay?’

‘As you wish, mister president.’

He rolled his eyes, ‘I need it for the university. It’s not like I wanted to be one.’

She shove him into the shoulder, ‘Oh really? So you don’t fancy that Rose Tyler is now looking up to you?’

He frowned remembering that she knew about Rose. He hated being confronted with the situation whether it was Amy, his brother or now Clara. He found it difficult to talk about it as if it was some secret. Only his and no one had the right to judge or say anything about it. At least for now.

His silence must have been spotted by Clara because her smirk dropped and she turned back to the front, quietly.

When she turned back to him again she said, ‘Sorry, I really suck at these small talks.’

He looked at her. Again she wore the guilty face she had from earlier clearly sad and anxious probably thinking if she won’t mess this…whatever it is going on between them up.

‘No, it’s alright. There are just certain topics that I’m not able to talk about and… that’s one of it.’

She nodded. She understood the complex of his problem better than anyone. She couldn’t even think about certain things without her throat creating a bump inside and her eyes forming tears.

Blinking several times to make them go away she smiled a bit. He had to smile as well. She has a beautiful smile. For the next minutes they continued lightly talking, Clara was still teasing him a bit about the whole president thing while he was defending himself and offering her some place under him.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

She stood up from the seat a bit surprised but happy when he stood up from his as well. She could object that he didn’t have to walk her home but she really enjoyed his company so why spoil it.

She lived a good twenty minutes away from the school but he didn’t mind. He was use to walk. He found it relaxing.

The chat was appreciated by the both of them. Clara was just as good in talking as Dave was. She was clever, funny and a little (well more than just a little) bit sharp-tongued. They talked about school about homes and about life in general nothing too serious yet important to both of them in their own way.

Once they stopped outside Clara’s block of flats unsure how to say good bye the tension was back. _Should he hug her? What if that will be too much?_

_Should she hug him? What if she leans and he will take it as something more than it actually is? Or what if he’s just kind and doesn’t see her in that way? He surely still has feelings for Rose Tyler._

She decided to ask. Her daring mouth was always her strongest skill, ‘Why are you doing all of this, John?’

 He watched her for a brief moment caught by the fact that she said his name for the first time in that way. _No, idiot. This isn’t a too sugary love story, remember?_

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh please,’ she turned around walking away but his words stopped her.

‘Wait, Clara. Back in the hospital you… you asked if this… if I’m making a charity case out of you. I’m not. I’m truly doing it because I… I want to be friends with you…’

_Friends, of course. Stupid Clara._

‘…and I want…,’ he smiled a bit and looked away from her seeking for the words that would describe something his own heart  and mind couldn’t fully process into words, ‘I like you.’

She blinked _. I like you_. In Clara Oswald’s life these weren’t common words. In fact except for her father there wasn’t anyone who would tell her _I love you_. Things about the whole new situation with John Smith she started having she was more than confused. She was quite clever and she knew the way it go in life. Although she never heard the _I like you_ before she knew it was meant to be for someone special so how could he say them like that. Say and not feel them.

‘Shut up! How can you say something like that when I know you are in love with Rose Tyler?’ she asked anger from the hospital returning.

His smile dropped. He should have expected her reaction to his confession to be an insult. Still, it didn’t make the pain less hurt.

‘I guess you could say that heart isn’t a simple and rational thing.’

She was frowning at him. It was too late for a conversation like this outside her flat.

 ‘You’re talking nonsense. We knew each other for what? A week? This is like our fourth time we spoke.’

‘And yet we told each other’s about things we didn’t even tell our best friends.’

‘I don’t have a best friend. In fact I don’t have friends at all but I’ll tell you this. When we love someone like you Rose Tyler you don’t just go _liking_ someone else,’ she said much calmer than before. In fact colder than he ever heard her.

She turned to leave him but he quickly took her wrist to stop her.

‘Let me go, John,’ she mumbled staring at the ground on her left side.

‘You do. If that someone is interesting and different than any other person you ever met. You do if that someone calls you a complete moron and yell at you almost every moment yet you want to be in their company. And you definitely do if you go through even if just few troubles to be with them even if for a few hours.’

She looked at him. His eyes remained on her face and she could tell by the worried look on his face that he was really caring for her respond and that he hoped it would be in his benefit. She never met anyone like John Smith. She never meant anyone who would care for her who would show this interest in her even when she was mean toward him. That made her feel even worse for what she had done and she was sure that if she told him right now it would be painful yet less painful than it would if she would do it later.

‘Funny, until today I never heard you talk much and now you got monologs like Hamlet.’

‘Clara,’ he said quietly like a hurting animal.

She had to shut her eyes. Knowing that the moment he said her name like that she was lost. He may like her but she already… From this day on she knew she would always forgive him anything and hold on to him no matter what.

She opened her eyes.

 _Funny indeed._ Her father use to tell her that the day he met her mother his world stopped and he knew his view of it would never be the same. She didn’t even remember the day she first had saw or heard or got in contact with John Smith but despite that she would always remember this day as the day he entered on his own her world, her life and her heart and caused a total 180 degrees spin.

‘I like you too.’

‘I know.’

‘What?!’ The anger was right back. ‘Serious you’re not helping yourself here!’

‘I find you as person who is very good in making her own choices. So if you really didn’t make a run for it or didn’t simply insult me away you definitely have to like me which is good because I don’t think you would get rid of me that easily,’ he said his fingers gently stroking her wrist with his thumb.

He wasn’t like this. Or at least he didn’t use to be. Surprisingly it was half Clara’s fault and half Rose’s since their actions before the summer holidays caused this change of his.

She felt her heartbeat increased feeling the touch of his soft hands. Just like in the hospital. It was weird but lovely.

‘Would you like to go somewhere? I mean… go out.’

He smiled again, ‘Of course.’

Her next move was a total surprise to both. She got on her toes and very lightly kissed him on cheek while mumbling a thank you. Before he could say anything she freed herself from his grip and ran to the entrance not once looking back.

DDDDDDDDDDD

**9 th September 2004**

When she found him the next morning waiting for her under her flat she just smiled shaking her head.

She reached him and sat right next to him, ‘How long are you waiting for me?’

‘Not that long,’ he assured her with a smile.

‘What if I decided not to come to school, would you wait for me all day?’

He stood up, ‘No, I would have call you and go without you but you did come so it’s not important.’ And so they went to school.

As they walk through the halls the stares were hard to miss. Then again, the looking was okay it wasn’t like Amy who actually with an open mouth walked to them.

John had to honestly admit that after he and Clara started (whatever it was that they were doing) he felt less tense and nervous than he had in years and he used to be terribly jumpy when he was young. That changed in the moment.

Now as his red headed best friend gaped at his…well Clara who was raising her brows with the mixture of challenge and sneer she always had. He felt the tension in full power.

‘Sooo,’ started John unsure about what he wanted to say.

Amy looked at him with a look he never saw on her face, ‘Girlfriend or a friend?’

‘Amy!’

‘I want to know what my so called best friend is doing with a… girl who insulted me more times than I can count. Because if my goodie-goodie friend isn’t dating her or becoming friends with her. I simply can put my finger on why are they hanging out.’

John remained speechless another thing he should have thought about. How will the fact that he’s now… something with Clara will affect his relationships with his other friends, especially Amy.

Amy as the hothead she a lot of times was decided to leave since he wasn’t looking as if he was going to answer her or anything.

As the redhead was walking away Clara knew there were two things she could do. Being a teenager and a heartless brat everyone in school expected her to be she could let the redhead leave which would probably be the start of the end of Amy and John’s friendship. Or she could be a friend.

‘You should go after her,’ she said out of the blue for him.

‘Hm?’

‘She’s your best friend and you didn’t even tell her about what’s going on plus I really been a bitch to her. In fact, we’re going to have a problem finding someone in the school who I wasn’t acting as bitch to but I’m looking forward to it for you.’

He chuckled and turned around to look at the direction Amy left,‘ I  should really talk to her. I’ll catch up with you later, okay?’

She nodded smiling a bit. This was the first of their tests. Either Amy will convince his to let her go or John Amy to become friends. _Friends with Amy Pond? Blah, what a nightmare._  She wasn’t sure which one of the choices was the tempting one for now.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

The confrontation about Clara between Amy and John didn’t go through without a proper amount of yelling.

Her yelling at her about being an idiot, about how it was a betrayal, or a revenger or how if he wanted to start sleeping around he should have done it with someone who didn’t sleep around so much.

‘I will stop you right there Amy!’ he cut her feeling for the first time anger. He couldn’t help rather wondering about how he before never actually paid attention to the rumors about Clara but now once he got to know her he was becoming very protective about her.

‘Don’t say things that aren’t true because that what you are just implying to is a total bullshit, got it?’

‘How can you say that?’

‘Because I know, okay? And because we’re friends I know you’ll believe me instead of bunch of people who also said terrible and absolute craps about you.’

She folded her arms and pressed herself against the near locker they were standing next to. He could see that she wasn’t buying his words and that she was most likely to fight him again.

‘So you are telling me that Clara Oswald not only does not put out like a slut that everyone claims she is but she always is worth your time and interest? Am I getting it right?’

He copied her pose and nodded, ‘Yes, that’s about right.’

They stared at each other for a moment until she shook her head clearly disbelieved by what was going on. He didn’t blame her. This news was like a wrecked ball to her life and kind of to his as well. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell her sooner. Well, that was a lie. He knew. He was afraid she wouldn’t approve.

‘Uhm,’ a tall blond appeared next to them pointing at Amy, ‘could you please step aside I need to get to my locker.’

John chuckled which Amy rewarded with rolling her eyes and stepping aside.

‘Listen,’ she stepped closer to him, ‘I’m skipping-’

‘I thought you wanted to be more careful about it,’ he said taking her a bit further from the girl.

‘So did I until I found out what was my best friend up to when I was gone. Anyway, I’m leaving. I will try to think this through and then we can try to talk because right now. John, you can’t even imagine how pissed I am.’

‘I’m so sorry, Amy.’ And he really meant it.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

  Clara and John met again on the English literature that day and as far as John could tell they were still in the center of attention. She met him in front of the door stopping him, ‘Let’s not sit close. I wouldn’t want people having to think badly about their new school president.’

‘Well, that will only happen if I’ll be the one who switch the seat but you’re Clara Oswald you can do whatever you want,’ he replied and continued walking. His chat with Amy left him a bit gloomy and sad. He was suddenly realizing just the amount of changes his feelings for Clara had brought. Amy was a stubborn and a bit narrow-minded person when it came to things that had happened to her. He didn’t blame thought yet he really wanted… he wanted to be with Clara but at the same time he wanted to continue having Amy. As selfish as it may sound it was the honest true of the human nature. Sad but true.

She did sit right behind him which caused another amount of whispers and stares but he wasn’t paying attention to them.

His concentration managed to stay focus on the professor during the lesson until he didn’t hear Clara quietly whispering, ‘You know, I would totally understand if you would want to stop… this friendship so you could fix things with Amy.’

He was quiet for a moment so thinking that he maybe hadn’t heard her she leaned closer. He just then turned a bit to her, ‘This isn’t the first time you said her name, is it?’

She leaned back and folded her arms groaning, ‘John!’

 Heads were turning again.

John waited until he was sure that their professor was busy with the chalk until he turned to her again, ‘I would never ask Amy to let go any of her friends that I don’t get along with and I hope she will never want that from me. If she did I wouldn’t be friends with her. Don’t worry about it.’

Clara put her hands back on her desk looking at his back, ‘John Smith, you can’t be worry about me and expect me not to be worry about you. It doesn’t work that way.’

To that he could help the goofy smile spreading through his face thinking about how happy he is about such a small thing as her being worry about him. Once he realized his smiling like an idiot he tried to hide it with a hand and for the first time fully processing that Clara kissed him last night on the cheek, that she sat behind him to be near him, that she would give him up just so he was happy and that she was actually worried about it. Although his whole summer was about letting go… Rose Tyler, the dates, the flirts, the going out, the whole trying. Just now he finally got to the spot that he really realized that he has a chance to do so. To let get go and be happy with Clara.

Still smiling he leaned back whispering, ‘Are we going to visit your father after school?’

‘If it’s okay with you?’

‘Yes, I would love to.’

‘Then we are.’

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**13 th September 2004 **

 It was a Saturday and although they could go visit Clara’s father which became one of John’s favorite activities. It was okay. He liked Clara’s father but other than in the hospital and in school where they had to eat outside to hide from the stares they never have time to go anywhere. So when Clara’s father literally forbidden them to come on the weekend since that was forbidden even by the hospital’s rule John was partly happy. But just partly. Which was exactly the reason why he was in front of her flat waiting for her on a Saturday at one o’clock.

For him it was a promising nice day. For Clara a heart attack. She was okay with them going a bit out once their father ordered them not to come. Usually, she would just read at home, watch TV, babysitting the neighbors kids, or if she would get really bored studying. Now, she had John. _Well, she was friends with John._ So going out seemed like an ordinary thing to do at least until he hadn’t let out those magical words _‘It’s a date’_.

So now after a sleepless night was Clara hopelessly standing in front of her wardrobe staring at her clothing desperately looking for something to wear. There were times Clara Oswald did feel bad about not having any friends and this was one of them.

About half an hour later as they had agreed Clara finally came down in a dress and the black leather jacket she had worn through the previous school years.

John smiled and walked to her checking her out a bit, ‘Hi. I missed that. Why aren’t you wearing it to school anymore?’

She smiled a bit but looked down on her pumps. She didn’t have anyone close and she didn’t want to talk about it with her father to upset him so it wasn’t easy for her.

‘It belonged to my mum,’ she heard a quiet ‘oh’ from John but when she looked up she didn’t see pity or awkward grimaces.  She saw solidarity just like John told her once.

‘I love wearing it,’ her hands went through the pattern, ‘It’s quite old though and so I can now only wear it for special occasions,’ she smiled, ‘You know I feel as if she was here with me when I’m wearing it. It’s a bit hard to explain.’

John shook his head, ‘No, I… it’s not, Clara. I have a…,’ he suddenly fished through his t-shirt and brought out a small silver key on a lace.

Clara could see how his hands trembled as he was showing it to her and just than she understood that she wasn’t the only one who lost someone and definitely not the only one who was still hurt by it.

Gently she put her hand on his trembling one and smiled, ‘May I?’

John could only manage a simple nod.

She looked at it. _Smith_ on one side and _John_ on the other.

‘Every member of my family gets a little silver key with the name of our family on one and his first name on the other,’ she looked back up at him, ‘It’s a reminder of whenever and wherever we would be we always know where we belong. I got it on my sixth birthday from my parents… they passed away…’

‘I understand,’ she hushed him knowing just how hard it was to talk about things like that, ‘Let’s leave it for later and enjoy ourselves today, okay?’

John watched her for a moment and happy nodded now knowing that he wasn’t the only one who was trying in this _relationship_ they have started.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

After that they spent a really nice day walking around, going for tea and talking. Honestly and openly talking. The both of them found out many new things about the other one.

Now, John knew that unlike him she never was on date before yet he somehow had a feeling he shouldn’t really count those he had before. He simply knew that this right here was a real date. The kind of he will be happy to repeat again and again.

Although even Clara was having a great time, it was nice to have someone who had genuine interest in her who wasn’t her father’s colleagues. Yet, she couldn’t shake the mean voice in the back of her mind telling her that this all was just a trick since John was clearly madly in love with Rose. She hated herself for the feeling since she knew that John was probably the sweetest and honest person there was but the feeling just couldn’t be pushed away.

So as they were walking she simply had to ask him, ‘How come you never ask Rose Tyler out?’

His smile dropped a bit. She knew it was a sensitive subject but she really needed to know.

‘Could you imagine me asking a girl like Rose Tyler out?’

‘You asked me.’

‘Honestly, it was you who asked me.’

‘John!’

He sighed and sat down on a near bench, ‘I guess I never thought she would actually say yes. I was quite insecure,’ he looked at her and smiled, ‘But I’m happy I didn’t.’

She blinked standing in front of him.

‘If I did she would have probably send me down and I would become even more insecure and would never even dream about asking you out.’

She sheepishly smiled a bit, ‘I thought I was the one who asked you out.’

He smiled, ‘Anyway, I really like you, like _really_ like you, Clara and when I’m with you it’s like every day Rose Tyler turns into just a silly fantasy and I don’t feel that way about her. It’s like a favorite singer or actor you adore them from a distance but I know I will never be with her and so I will never properly love her. Not like I will love someone else.’

Clara’s smile dropped and her eyes widened. That moment. That very single moment she wanted to come out with the true. To tell him everything about what she did. Because although it would hurt her she wanted to be a good person, a good friend at least to him.

John had different plans because he stood up and abruptly hugged her.

‘I know you’re not on those kinds of soft words so you really don’t need to say anything.’

Clara feeling tears forming in her eyes all the sudden closed them and tightly hugged him around the torso burying her head into his chest.

‘Let’s just stay like this for a while, okay?’

She nodded into him and they remained like that for a while.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

During the walk they got near John’s house and so he invited Clara over. Like she already managed to find out that there were a lot of firsts when it came to her new _relationship_ with John. Being invited to come over to someone’s house was one of those things.

Since from their talks she found out that John didn’t have parents and lived only with an older brother the small house seemed just suitable for them.

His room which was upstairs was nice. Quite tidy for a teenager. Maybe a bit too tidy for a teenager and a boy.

Clara shot him a questioned look to which he shrugged his shoulders, ‘Me and my brother have an agreement. If I keep my room tidy and have good grades he will give me money and I can do what I want.’

She simply nodded to that. During their talks she already got the feeling that John and his brother had an issued relationship but she didn’t press it. If he wanted to talk he could just as he didn’t ask her about her mother.

Her feet moved further into the room and she found herself standing in front of a huge bookcase. She loved reading but her excitement quickly fell as realized that all of these books were medical.

He moved to her and standing behind her he explained, ‘I want to be a doctor one day.’

‘And you’re really going after it aren’t you,’ she turned to him.

He smiled, ‘Well, I’m working on it like all my life. What about you anything in mind to do in the future?’

‘Nah, I doubt they will even let me finish this year.’

‘I don’t know. I mean I only have English literature with you but I saw your mark from the test and if I’m counting the fact that you skipped most of the lessons.’

She shrugged, ‘I guess I love English literature, so?’

‘So you could think up something to do with it. You know? Write, teach. You’re babysitting so I suppose you like kids.’

‘Yeah, I love them. I guess I will think about it,’ she said already putting the idea into for later box so she could discuss it with her dad.

Later they decided to watch a movie in his room and Clara was more the relaxed. That and the fact that she had a terrible night might have been the cause why when John instead of cheesy putting his arm around her shoulders took her hand Clara fell asleep.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

She woke up with her head on his shoulder feeling as tired as she had before she slept. With one glance at window she knew it was time to leave. It was already dark outside.

‘John.’

‘Yes, Clara?’

‘I think I fell asleep,’ she moved away from him.

He smiled and brushed her hair away from her face, ‘Yes, I would have woke you up but I knew you had a bad night.’ His hand was so warm.

He looked at the window nervously, ‘Now that I think about it. I should have. Sorry.’

She shook her head and brushed her eyes, ‘No, it’s okay. I really needed it. Stars,’ she smiled at him a bit foggy, ‘I could still use a few hours. What time is it?’

‘It’s ten but you can stay here if you like.’

That once again surprised both of them but quickly putting everything on the right place they found the offer simple and quite nice and even a bit romantic. So while John walked away she put on one of his t-shirt which covered her but at the same time left something out for imagination. Constantly talking they prepare John’s covers and pillow on the floor while she went into his bed.

 DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**14 th September 2004**

Clara woke up early. Too early for her routine in fact but after a quick stretch of hands she understood. The room might have been still dark but slightly seeing the silhouettes of the furniture around her she knew this wasn’t her room.

She jerked a bit sitting up and properly looking around while she was trying to at the same time cover herself.

‘Clara, it’s me John and you’re in my room,’ said a voice near her.

She calmed down memories from the previous day came back to her making her remember. She sighed and lied back down.

‘Are you still on the floor?’ she asked, ‘You didn’t even sleep, did you?’

‘I don’t sleep much.’

She sat up again and moved to the edge where he was lying on the floor, ‘John, come up please.’

‘It’s nothing really. I don’t mind,’ he assured her. She could see him lying on the carpet with his arms behind his head.

‘But I do. I keep waking up knowing your down.’

‘Yeah, I heard you jerking.’

‘Then come up, John.’

After that there is a moment of silence before she heard a sighed and saw him standing up.

She moved and he pushed himself beneath the covers and lied down on his bed next to her. She couldn’t help the shiver that ran through her as she felt his hand brushed hers. It caused goose bumps to appear on her delicate skin but she liked the feeling. It was the first time she ever shared a bed with someone but to be completely honest there were a lot of firsts when it came to John Smith just this week. That formed a smile on her face. _Another first on her list._

‘I was going to say that if you’re uncomfortable I can go back down or to my brother’s but I can see you’re smiling. Why are you smiling, Clara?’

She shook her head and leaned into him placing her cheek against his chest feeling his heart beating jumping like he was working up.

‘I’m just enjoying the moment,’ she snuggled deeper into him, ‘Tell me do you stay up late often?’

It took him a moment to answer again. It would have been easier if he didn’t have a beautiful girl like Clara pressed against his chest feeling her warm body against his slowly embracing him as her hand moved to the other side of his chest and as her leg enlaced his. It would have been easier but he wouldn’t have wanted it that way.

‘Ever since I was a little boy.’

‘Aren’t you concerned about it? What does your brother says?’

‘No, it’s not like I’m more tired or that it’s affecting my health. It’s just I don’t need it. I sleep for a few hours I dream a bit like any other person and then I wake up feeling just like anyone who went through an eight hours sleep.’

‘So how much do you sleep then?’

‘Four hours in general? Give or take a few.’

‘Four hours. You’re mad!’

He chuckled, ‘I can live with that. What about you?’

‘Are you asking me if I can live with you being mad?’

He nodded, ‘Yes.’

‘If you can live with me being crazy then yes I definitely can.’

John chuckled once again and leaned down kissing the top of her head, ‘Crazy and mad I think we’re perfect for each other.’

Smiling she closed her eyes feeling the land of dreams calling her as he carefully placed his hand on her back rhythmically caressing her. She fell asleep thinking about how lovely it felt.

DDDDDDDDDDDD

It would be nice to say that sleeping near Clara has finally cured his absence of sleep but it would be a lie. After nice four hours he opened his eyes to the morning sun coming through his windows.

He was still surprised that although she was so jumpy during the most of the night she managed to sleep completely still in this arms. Then again she did dribble his sleeping T-shirt so her sleeping habits weren’t completely gone.

He chuckled. He must really like Clara if he found something so disgusting cute.

Once she finally woke up she didn’t panic like before. She simply remained with her head snuggled against his chest for another good half an hour until she raised her head to meet his grinning face.

‘What’s that idiotic grin for?’

‘You snore.’

She shoved him, ‘Liar.’

‘Okay, but you dribble.’

‘Double liar.’

He raised her brows, ‘Then why is my T-shirt wet?’

She sat up completely frowning and staring down at his chest where her head was just moments ago peacefully lying.

‘Liar,’ she said uncertainly.

He was still smiling, ‘It was cute.’

She bite her lips and smiled a bit. Just now did she realized that she saw John Smith the bloke she was sure she was in love with, like not many saw him before. Just as he woke up. And she liked it. She felt great and calm knowing that he wanted her as much to allow her to see him like this. And that she did the same for him. She never noticed it until this year but he was really handsome and a bit sexy in a boyish way she couldn’t explain but found unbelievably attracting.

 ‘Yet disgusting,’ he added and was forced to cover and defend himself as Clara abruptly took the pillow from underneath him and hit him with it.

He laughed as she continued hitting him insisting to take it back. It was a while since he was this happy, relaxed and enjoying everything.

The whole pillow fight (or rather say attack) continued for a while with laughs although she was meant to be violent. Just when she pressed the pillow against his face demanding to take his words back he took her by the waists and switch her underneath him.

The pillow was thrown aside revealing their faces to each other. Both were breathless, smiling and red from the effort. Although he was on top of her he did his best to hold his weight with his hands so he wouldn’t crush her.

He couldn’t help thinking how stunning Clara Oswald was just now and that even if he knew that everyone it school including himself always thought that Rose Tyler was the prettiest girl there he knew she wasn’t as beautiful as Clara right now.

He smirked a bit seeing how she nervously bit her bottom lip her eyes wandering from his eyes to his lips and back up.

People always say things like that first kisses are meant to be awkward a bit disgusting although they can be nice and perfect at the same time. When John put his head to the left and leaned down he wasn’t sure what to expect from their first kiss but he really wanted to find out. Very tenderly he pressed his lips against hers feeling her stress through them.

He leaned back surprised. Seeing that Clara’s eyes stayed open he decided to tease her a bit.

‘I-I didn’t really-,’ she shook her head unsure how to explain.

He smiled a bit and nodded immediately understanding. He knew that Clara didn’t have any friends and that she was quite closed toward people around her just as she had minimum experience with boy liking her. So technically he could have expected that she was never kissed before. Yet he didn’t.

His hand was gently put on her cheek.

She blinked as his thumb got close to her lips and parted them before he put his hand to her neck where it caused her a thrilling shiver.

Very carefully like wings of butterflies he touched her parted lips with his. Her eyes remained curious yet he could tell that she was willing and that she completely trusted him. Teasingly, his tongue came out of his mouth and while the tips of their lips were connecting their little tunnel it started brushing. Very teasingly yet gently.

She felt him touching her lips, first the outside then the inside, her front teeth and then her tongue as well. Like an electrical impulse her tongue went out as well following his actions. In a second her eyes got shut and she got completely taken by the sensation that they were creating.

It was Clara’s first snogging ever. And although she did caught herself from time to time regretting that she never did make out with anyone. But right now she was absolutely grateful that she didn’t and that John could have been the first one.

And she wasn’t the only one since although she was a novice the way her tongue brushed against his caused him to lose his composedness and calmness. His mind went black and primal instinct took over. His hand stared caressing her neck. As their kiss ended the wetness of their lips created a delicate sound that he immediately fell in love with.

He leaned away looking down at her. Seeing how flushed she was he smiled again before leaning down to repeat the scenario.

This time it was as teasing and wonderful as the first though maybe a bit more confident. Clara’s fingers wandered to his hair and got fettered up into them but she didn’t mind. With the new found confidence she smiling bit his bottom lip, not to painfully to actually hurt but enough to make a teenager turn on which he showed by moaning with his mouth open.

Suddenly both of them got very much aware of the fact that he was wearing his pajama pants and t-shirt and she just one of his t-shirt. Just like that the material that appeared enough in one moment in the next appeared _so_ enough and _not_ enough to protect. To protect them from the realization that it was all that was in their way. 

He leaned down kissing her again harder than before losing all inhibitions to get lost in the moment. His hand that was still holding him above went under her back while the other remained caressing her neck then down through her collar bone and down to her breast. He only touched them covered but along with the teasing kiss it was enough for Clara’s waists to thrust into him.

Both of them broke the kiss Clara letting out a surprised groan with a terrified rabbit look in her eyes, ‘S-sorry, John that was… I,’ she shook her head.

He blinked also a bit uncertain about what to do before he sat up, ‘Well…’

‘That was stupid of me!’

‘Why? It was… nice…,’ he looked at her with a twinkle in his eyes.

She sat up as well her eyes in an instant on his pajamas before she covered her eyes with hands. It took a brief moment but she put her hands away with a normal look on her face. No pink, no grimace, no laugher.

‘Did I ruin our first kiss?’

He shook his head, ‘Not if you come here. And down worry I wouldn’t push you or myself into anything that it’s just too soon to happen.’

‘I know that,’ but she moved closer to him and they kissed again this time both sitting.

It might have been a bit different than the previous one but they still enjoined it and soon found themselves liking it as well.

The result was sealed. John Smith and Clara Oswald loved their kissing. 

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

Clara sitting in the car next to John couldn’t stop thinking if these precious moments of theirs are going to be forever ruined once he will find the true and it physically pained her heart.

John was a very understanding and loving husband but maybe not even he could accept what she done and that she had lied about it for so long.

As if he knew she was in stress he took her hand. She turned to him and he brought her hand to his lips to gently kiss it his eyes never leaving the road in front of them.

‘We’re almost there love. It won’t be long.’

Although he couldn’t have meant them that way Clara conscience knew. _Yes, it won’t be long for the true to come out._


	3. Bonding Time

  **12 th September 2014**

John put a hand on Clara’s back and she smiled at him just before the door was opened by Amy and Rory.

‘Hi!’ they all called and rushed each other into the arms for those classic friendly hugs they always shared.

One glance in the face and Clara immediately crashed into Amy’s arms who knew. She haven’t have time to stop it from happening to warn Clara but she knew. And she was feeling her pain. And it hurt her as well.

As shocking as it may have appeared it was true. Amy Williams and Clara Smith were best friend.

John smiled as he moved from Rory and looked at his best friend and wife hugging remembering the way it used to be between to two girls back in the high school.

Clara pulled a way as well just after a few more seconds. With her hands on Amy’s shoulders she smiled, ‘I am sooo happy for you three.’

_Amy, I’m sooo scared._

Amy smiled as well, ‘Thank you.’

_I know, Clara. I know._

How funny. John always assumed he knew the story of how Amy and Clara became friends when in reality he didn’t. He knew about every event that had effect on their relationship and yet he didn’t know the most important one. The one that sealed Clara and Amy friendship forever.

**12 th September 2004**

Their days started getting into a routine that maybe should have bothered them but it didn’t. They walked together to school, have English literature together, eat at the cafeteria together (or outside), leave to visit Clara’s father together and then walked her home. Yes, that also together.

The Amy problem remained unsolved and John although hanging out with Clara was great couldn’t help but felt a bit sad about it.

On the third day, Friday, Clara Oswald took matters into her own hands and skipped history to go talk to Amy Pond. For the first time hoping it wouldn’t end with an argument.

The redhead was just about to skip school when she met the short brunet. Neither of them looked happy about it.

‘What? Are you finally going to tell me about what the hell is going on between _you_ and my best friend?’

‘That’s complicated.’

Amy nodded, ‘So you’re shagging him.’

Clara chuckled not amused at all and looked away and back at Amy, ‘Listen, me and John are,’ it took her a second, ‘ _friends_.’

Now it was Amy’s time to chuckle and raise her brows, ‘Friends? Seriously? Friends. My John and bloody Clara Oswald are friends. That’s just great.’

Clara blinked, ‘Have you just said _my_ John?’

Amy’s face changed quicker than summer weather. Clara knew she hit a soft spot she always could tell when she hurt people like that and Amy Pond have been many times on the list of those people. A lot of times on the top of this list. Yet, Clara wasn’t happy about it. She felt guilt and knew John was entirely to blame for caring about damn Amy Pond’s feelings.

‘He’s my friend,’ said Amy sounding resolutely.

‘But you don-’

‘He’s my friend, Clara.’

During high school Clara and Amy named each other with versions of pretty ugly words. Their first names they have never used. Until now. _Damn you John._

Clara nodded, ‘Okay.’

Amy walked to the near wall and pressed herself against it, ‘What do you suggest?’

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

‘Thank God that you didn’t bring one of your bimbos again Jack,’ started Amy as the five of them sat down to eat.

John let out a chuckle followed by Clara’s unapproved look.

Jack looked at Amy, ‘Oh come on Andrea wasn’t that bad…’

‘I was talking about Heather.’

Jack waved his hand, ‘What is in the past let it stay in the past. Anyway, have you met the new interns? Mr. Knowitall told me that you had them on your watch today Rory.’

‘Yes but only for an hour or so I came home earlier. A woman and two man…’

‘Say now more. Is she hot?’

Amy stopped eating and glared at the American, ‘Are you seriously asking my husband if another woman is hot?’

‘I’m not doing it for him I’m asking for myself. Tell me about her ass.’

‘Rather not,’ said Rory taking a sip of his vine.

John smiled at his friends’ talk and looked at Clara. He haven’t properly noticed before but she seemed worried. It confused him and made him a bit worried since he couldn’t think up any reason for her to be.

‘What about you, John? Don’t you want you support us in this?’ asked Amy who noticed Clara and John and wanted to get John from staring at Clara too much when she was like this.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

After an hour or so of talking, joking around they managed to get into a great mood. Yet Amy could still see how tense and uncomfortable Clara was looking.

She decided to talk with her now before John would again noticed or decide to ask her himself.

‘I’m going to make some tea. Clara, want to help me and leave these with their asses?’ suggested the redhead with a smile on her face making sure it sounded as casual as it could.

‘Sure,’ she stood up.

‘Oh Amy, don’t be like that,’ pleased Jack as the both women left the room and went to kitchen.

Once they were sure they wouldn’t be heard Amy put a hand on Clara’s shoulder, ‘How are you doing?’

‘I’m worried.’

‘Did he say anything? Did they talk?’

She shook her head, ‘He didn’t say anything,’ she pressed herself against the kitchen sink, ‘I feel like it’s just a… a moment before the crash and that everything will go hell once he’ll find down.’

‘Don’t be like that Clara. It was a stupid prank committed like what? Ten years ago? John hardly even remembers that thing. Your marriage wasn’t built on a silly joke.’

‘But that’s the point, Ams. It was. It’s…. if it wasn’t for me… for what I did…’

‘Then what he and Rose would have a happy ever after? Grow up, Clara. That would’ve never happen and you know it.’

Clara brushed her face. She just couldn’t push away the feeling of a house of cards shaking before it will fall down.

‘And I thought, you would be the one with hormonal breakdowns since you’re pregnant.’

Amy chuckled and went to stand next to her, ‘I would too. I always was the one who had problem dealing with complicated situations.’

‘That’s not true.

They looked at each other knowing that they both are right. Both of them could be just as hysterical and difficult as the other.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**1 st October 2004**

 John and Clara were inseparable in school. They were almost always together except the rare moment that he and Amy were together. John didn’t know what happen between the two girls but it looked as if the two of them shared a silent arrangement. Whenever Amy find a few moments in her schedule with her love affair for him they would be together like old times. The rest of the times were just for him and Clara.

Since neither of them was never in a relationship before it was mostly about finding out what was okay and what not. As for Clara it was absolutely practice-less while John got a little counseling from his brother which was rather a shock and a bit from Dave which was more like a pleasant surprise.

He was happy. It was a new kind of happiness he hadn’t had the pleasure to taste yet and was very grateful for it. Every day with Clara and her father most of the time was great which was exactly what started bothering him. He knew it couldn’t last. He knew that there was just no way he could be so happy forever. It wasn’t possible for this state to last. The thoughts were proofless but they couldn’t be pushed away. No matter how much he tried. He knew that something would come up and break the perfection of this moment and it killed him.

Since Clara became a permanent host in his house and he had his sleep issues he found himself awoken staring at her in the dark of the night and gently touching her carefully not to wake her up.

She didn’t notice anything weird. He made sure she wouldn’t but it was eating him a bit. He wished he could talk about it but since his brother was an ass when it came to Clara (which he didn’t understand) and when he was with Dave only when he was with Clara he had to keep his doubts to himself.

Although he knew it was a bad idea and that it could destroy the small agreement they shared he still decided or rather just spilled it out one time.

‘Do you think me and Clara will break up?’

Amy stopped walking.

They were having gym and the both of them were walking when he asked her. He couldn’t tell which surprised her more. Rather the fact that they were talking about something completely else. Or that he asked her about something that had to do something with Clara in the first place.

He stopped as well. Watching as her face turned from confused to annoyed in an instant he knew it was a bad idea.

She started walking again not waiting for him.

‘Amy,’ he named her softly as he caught up with her and they were walking next to each other again.

‘You should,’ she started looking into the distance in front of them.

‘The sooner the better.’

He sighed, ‘Forget I asked.’ Of course she answered like that. _What was he thinking?_

They were silence for a moment until Amy moaned clearly irritated like she always was whenever the things weren’t the way she wanted them to be.

He was a bit startled when she suddenly took his hand her eyes remaining focused on the view in front of them. He looked at their hands together and then to the front like her which was when she spoke.

‘Do you have any problems?’

‘No,’ he chuckled and shook his head.

‘It’s quite the opposite. It’s so great… and I’m…’

‘John Smith, the boy who worries too much,’ she said squeezing his hand.

He smirked, ‘That’s me.’

Amy smiled a bit, ‘Remember when we first started… talking and then shortly after that became friends?’

‘Sure, I do.’

‘And then you stopped calling me or sitting next to me on the lunch? Avoiding me as much as possible?’

His smile fainted on the bitterness of her words.

‘Amy…’

‘I couldn’t understand what had happened and I was really sad because you were so great. Not like any other boy I had ever met before. You were… you.’

He stopped and holding her hand tight he caused her to stop as well.

She didn’t look at him as she continued, ‘It took a month or so and I heard from some kid from my biology class that you and Rose Tyler used to be friends. I could see that now you weren’t and I understood. You got scared. You simply got scared and as a coward you are when it comes to emotions you rather loose me in the start than later. It was hard but I managed to push myself to your life.’

She smiled, ‘It was the first and last time I ever pushed myself into something like that. I’m happy I did though. But John…’

She looked at him, ‘Clara isn’t me. I don’t know her much but what I know is that if you will push her away just one time. If you will dare yourself something like that you will never get her back. She will never forgive you and you will never forgive yourself. As much as Clara’s isn’t my cup of coffee I can see… I know how much she means to you… so screw it. Just stay together, John. It’s what you want.’

 John looked at their hands and smiled a bit, ‘I really love you Amy.’

‘I love you too,’ she smiled as well and holding their hands at least until they reached other students they walked.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**22 nd October 2004**

Clara didn’t know whether to be scared or happy from the way the events were heading to. She didn’t know what the catalyzer of this was but it sort of started with Amy joining them for lunch one day.

As the door opened the both of them raised their heads from their nappies looking at Amy who walked outside. All three looked rather shocked since it was the first time they met somewhere like this. Their agreement was working well despite how it was odd. And although she was careless to the talks following them she wasn’t oblivious to them. Worst was that they were kind of right. She did steal John from Amy and he might have been assuring her it wasn’t like that she knew.

She quickly got over it and very carefully smiled at Amy telling her she could join them.

As she sat down a stair higher than them neither suddenly knew what to do. All three were so tensed Clara couldn’t even remember what she and John had been talking about before Amy came.

Clara didn’t know if she shouldn’t leave that maybe Amy wanted to talk to John in private. She was really considering it.

‘I thought you were on a diet,’ said John turning to Amy.

 _‘Thank God for John,’_ thought Clara as he spoke since it was becoming really awkward for all of them.

‘Ah! Screw it!’ said Amy and took her meal rather violently putting it into her mouth like she hadn’t eaten for day except that she wore a much more unpleased look while doing so.

‘Is everything, okay?’ asked Clara actually meaning it which surprised all of them once again.

Amy gave her a hesitating look before she sighed and let out, ‘No, it isn’t. That egoistic-’ she was cut off by the door that opened suddenly but quickly closed again.

The three of them looking at it with curiosity before Amy continued, ‘Son of a bitch was out with another woman.’

‘Oi!’ let out Clara in a sad pitiful way.

Amy waved her hand, ‘Suits me right. Once a cheater always a cheater.’

John frowned, ‘So he cheated on you before? Why would you-’

Amy looked at the ground ashamed. She wanted to talk. She was desperate. Really desperate to talk to someone. She was sad and angry and although she knew how John could get judgy to things like that she really wanted to talk and frankly when it came to good friends Amy was just like Clara a loner. So her only choice was John despite his disapproved look.

That was when Clara stepped into it and very gently put her hand on John’s shoulder.

‘She knows, John. Let her be.’

  Amy looked from the ground and gave Clara a small appreciating glance as a thank you.

Clara nodded and John who didn’t want to ruin the small moment backed off comforting his friend by taking her hand.

‘You’ll be better off without him. Besides now we all can spend more time together.’

‘Wow! Who said I wanted to spent more time together, ‘ started Amy defensively putting her hands in front of herself, ‘Don’t get me wrong but I sure as hell don’t want to be third wheel during your love making out season.’

Clara chuckled while John just rolled his eyes and continued eating.

 As they ate the door opened again revealing a few boys who quickly ran back in closing the door.

‘What the hell?’ asked Clara confused and stood up.

Amy smirked, ‘I bet they want to know if we’re not a threesome.’

‘Oh Ams! Don’t be such a pervert!’ admonished John.

She pressed her palms against the cold stair behind her, ‘It’s true. The newest rumors say that you and Clara and me are started are own call girl company.’

‘What?’ blurted out Clara shocked.

‘How come I didn’t hear that one?’ asked John.

Amy shrugged her shoulders, ‘Cause you were too busy shoving your tongue down Clara’s throat, I gues-’

Again the door.

Clara got pissed and ran to open it once it was closed yelling at the girl that was walking away from it.

‘BLOODY HELL OPEN THIS DOOR ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL SLAP YOU!’

‘CLARA!’ called John clearly a bit unhappy about her behavior unlike Amy who was more than pleased by it laughed.

‘Next time say you’ll bring them along,’ said Amy once Clara was back at her spot.

‘Amy! Shouldn’t we at least try to ease the rumors?’

Clara took her food and continued eating, ‘That’s pointless. If they want to talk rubbish on us they simply will.’

‘She’s right.’

The door opened again but unlike the previous time the person actually came in.

‘Oh, hi… uhm,’ started the tall girl who walked in, ‘uhm… this girl Melisa she said that I should come here.’

‘Martha Jones, am I right?’

The girls looked at John.

‘You know her?’

‘Yup, she’s the new girl in my biology class.’

The three of them looked at the girl again. They could see that although she looked nervous she rewarded them with a small smile.

‘Hi. I’m not sure why she said that I should come here though.’

‘Well, she thinks we’re starting a call girl company and that he’s our fancy man.’

‘CLARA!’

‘What?’ she turned to him a fake innocent look playing on her face, ‘I didn’t say whoremaster, did I?’

Amy laughed.

‘It’s not funny but they’re just joking.’

Clara turned to her and also smiled, ‘Yeah, we’re nice but unfunny jokers.’

‘You can sit with us if you like but that means that the name of that lying cow cannot be spoken her,’ warned her Amy.

Martha was looking at the small group wondering what if she would rather sit with a girl who sent here just to know what these people were doing or people who invited her to stay.

She sat down next to Amy her food nappy on her knees, ‘So what are your names? I think the professor called you John.’

‘Yeah, John Smith and this is my best friend Amy Pond and my girlfriend Clara Oswald.’

The both named girl shared a quick look. It was definite Amy was John’s best friend and Clara his girlfriend. They couldn’t argue with that.

Martha smiled amazed, ‘Wow, you guys are lucky you can hang out together like that. I couldn’t even get my bestie to join me and my ex-boyfriend for a chat.’

Clara and Amy smirked at each other before Amy looked at Martha again, ‘Yeah, well tough times call for tough decisions. Why did you and your boyfriend broke up-‘

‘Amy!’

‘John, chill,’ Amy rolled her eyes.

Martha looked into the distance her smile falling down a bit, ‘Well, I don’t want to talk about it right now. It’s kind of the reason why I had to transfer.’

Clara nodded, ‘It’s okay but we should warn you. People are coming here to stare at us so if you want to cry-’

The door opened and quickly closed again.

‘Jesus, I’m gonna kill them!’

Martha chuckled, ‘Yes, I can see that.’

They talked a bit nothing important just basic stuff but it was nice and every time the door opened they throw something at it which made them laugh.

John couldn’t help his heart beating with excitement although he couldn’t say it out loud yet he could see that the two most import girls in his life were slowly bonding.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

Clara still pressed again the sink watched as Amy was putting boiling water into the tea mugs.

‘I don’t want to lose. I wouldn’t survive it, Amy.’

‘I know Clara. And you won’t I promise that,’ said the redhead looking up from her mugs.

Both women smiled weakly hoping for her words to be true.

DDDDDDDDDDDD

**15 th November 2004**

It was also thanks to Martha more than anyone who was figuring as a mediator with Amy and Clara since John had a hard time dealing with both of them whenever their opinions separate. Then again, surprisingly it wasn’t that often.

The four of them started going out. Just small things like tea, coffee or to hung out wandering around.

He was happy because even when he and Clara were with Amy and Martha thanks to Martha they could leave the two girls alone to share a little time for themselves. His favourite time.

Amy was showing quite some positive behavior about him and Clara even when she wasn’t with Martha. Since Martha’s parents were a bit strict she wasn’t allowed to come to a party which Amy was devastating their ears with for the past weeks.

Although they were all a bit sad about it John didn’t see a problem at Amy being the third wheel since she would have many friends there.

As they entered the network of tunnels he started to be slightly worried but Amy’s confidence and calm attitude help him stay okay about it as well. There was nothing to worry,

_Who knows perhaps it would be a great part?_

Oh, how wrong he turned out to be.

He was dancing with Clara for the first time. They were pressed against each other holding the other one in the arms moving to the rhythm of the music that was playing. Occasionally they kissed each other on the cheek, neck or even lips while still dancing. He liked how close he could hold her and touch her. How he knew she was his and he was hers and no one else’s. As frighten as some people find it he enjoyed being like this.

They both smiled at each other before without any words kissed again. Tasting and sliding tongues together inside their mouths they even slower than before on the dance floor. Her hands in his hair while his went to the back of her neck sending a shiver down her spin. The shiver was cold only for a second before she got completely overwhelmed by warm spreading through her.

_God, it feels fantastic…_

It was for the both rather disappointment when they got suddenly tore apart ready to yell and complain about ‘who the hell’ until they noticed it was Martha.

‘You managed to sneak out!’ blurted out Clara excited. That lasted only until Martha didn’t pushed her away and John didn’t notice she was wearing sweat pants she wore for home.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked feeling the worry coming back ( more like jumping back) into his mind.

‘Check your phone I left you like five messages.’ He quickly did.

She looked at Clara, ‘We need to find Amy she called she thought she was calling you guys. She said she was locked in some bathroom because the guy is kicking at her door she sounded drunk.’

The both of them turned round to the spot where Amy and some older guy were dancing just a moment ago ( or so they thought it was just a moment ago). They were gone.

They quickly mobilized and splitting up to find her.

 Searching every door and every room it was Clara who found a bloke kicking to one like a maniac.

Unthinkably, she ran to him and shoved him yelling at him to get out.

‘I’m not doing anything! The bitch locked herself up and my girlfriend needs to go!’ he was defending himself.

Clara hit the door with her palm a few times, ‘Amy? It’s me Clara are you alright? You can come out now everything is fine.’

It took a moment but the door opened and Amy rather staggering got out the angry man from before loudly saying ‘finally’.

Amy quickly hugged her which Clara put up to the fact that she was drunk and that she was the only person Amy knew here. She was glad though. Just now hugging the girl she realized how much afraid she was and how guilty she felt although she knew it wasn’t her fault.

She brushed Amy’s head and pulled her a bit away, ‘Amy what happened?’

‘There was this guy… he’s married and he has kids and… I fucked with him… he was here and I…. I’m so stupid… How could I… do it again? And he left again….then this other guy with a bag showed up and I… I’m such an idiot, Clara…’

 _Yes, you are we were worried sick…_  she wanted to say but what really came out was a relief, ‘It’s okay, Amy. As long as you’re alright it doesn’t matter.’

John and Martha found them quickly after that and all together agreed that they will take Amy to Clara’s since they didn’t want her parents to find out. Unfortunately, Martha had to return home since her parents did find out about her runaway. Still, she later assured them that she didn’t mind.

To John this day was forever remarked as the day Amy and Clara broke an iceberg and became friends. Sure he was partly right since the two girls (well all three girls) grew very attached to each other. Despite the fact, that it was an important landmark the real unbreakable friendship became when Amy repaid Clara.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**12 th September 2014**

John a bit worried looked at his wife as he opened their front door to their flat and held it for her.

‘Clara is something wrong?’ he asked.

She walked inside, ‘What? No, everything it’s okay. Honestly, everything is fine.’

He sighed and closed the door.

‘If you intend to lie to me then try doing a better job in it so I won’t feel so bad.’

She let out a frustrate scoff. She hates when he’s making her the bad guy in their fights. She hates it.

He rushed after her and put his hand on her shoulder.

She was angry. And when she was like this it was best to get out of her way but through the years she gathered that everyone would with the exception of him. He would never leave her. Whenever something had made her mad back at school she wanted nothing more than to get away be along with her anger but he never let her. John always ran after her and even when she was like a vixen he wouldn’t let her. She should have learned it by now but yet again she fought him. _It’s the only thing she ever does in these situations._

She turned around shoving his hand away. He should have known better than to touch her when she’s like this. She’s always too sensitive to touches like. She always shuts him away. And it always hurts him. Mentally which he finds even worst.

He sighed and took a step to her again carefully putting his hands on her cheeks. She didn’t jerk this time but the irritated look remains in her eyes.

Fortunately, it didn’t scare him away and so he held her like that, his thumbs gently caressing her face until her look softened and she didn’t let out a purr.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered closing her eyes.

‘It’s okay, I just wish to know what’s wrong,’ he said and gently kissed her on her forehead.

‘I’m just being difficult without a reason.’

He lovingly watched her, ‘Is this because Amy got pregnant before you?’

She opened her eyes seeing how worried he was. The topic of babies was always the one that brought the most tension between them. As a young marry couple everyone assumed that they should and want to have children. The sooner the better. The true was that the answer was more complicated than that. They have had many talks about it but never really came to a certain decision. Firstly, it was because both of them wanted to wait until they‘ll finish school and until they will manage to find a stabile place in working area. Later it was the question on if they really should have a baby before they are thirty. Every time they had the talk they always somehow managed to find a way out a reason to wait.

John of course always assumed that Clara wanted children since she was in the past a nanny and now a teacher. Clara wasn’t so sure. She loved kinds. She enjoyed teaching and everything. But the more she was with them the more she began to understand the difficulty of being a mother. It wasn’t just playtime all the time. It was a very hard job. The hardest she could have imagined. So in the end she was grateful that John wasn’t pressing the subject.

So bringing it up now shocked her more than anything.

‘What? God, no! Where did that came from?’ she asked her own hands now touching his on her cheeks.

‘I just…You know. I’m always the one who ends the talk with that we can wait and I’m worried that the fact that all your married friends are already having children before us…I just…’

‘John,’ she started tenderly with a smile, ‘my love, I can assure you that you’re not forcing me to anything. I couldn’t care less whether all my friends and let’s be honest I don’t have that much friends have children before me or not.’

A smile brighten his face.

‘I work in school every day and to say the true I’m a lot of times thrilled that I can pack my stuff and go home. I like the way we are.’

‘But you want kids one day, don’t you?’

‘Sure.’ It wasn’t a complete lie. She didn’t know if she wanted them. Maybe she did and maybe not but why bother John with this now?

He leaned to her again and kissed her, tenderly showing her how much he loved her.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**21 st December 2004**

Clara was furiously walking through the crowed room. She, John and Amy decided to go a party of one of their classmates. After the fiasco from before they were a bit hesitate to come but Amy was assuring them that it would be fine and Clara wanted to support their new friendship as much as she could. Unfortunately, Martha was grounded since November so it was again just the three of them.

After how she had helped Amy and had found out about her secret they had a long talk about the past and both agreed that they can move on and became friends. Not just for John’s sake.

Clara was thrilled although she wasn’t going to admit it. She never had many friends least after her mother passed away. It was different and strange but also great that she had made friends with Martha Jones and Amy. The girls started spending quite some time together.

She wondered if it didn’t bother John that they were spending less time together like that. It wasn’t that bad but it didn’t come unnoticed by her. She didn’t know why she chose this day to start talking about it but she did.

They were holding hands covered in coats walking to the party house to meet up with Amy.

‘Hey, are you okay with me hanging out with the girls so often?’

John chuckled and looked at her, ‘What do you mean if I’m okay?’

‘I’m just asking.’

‘Are you okay with me hanging out with Amy?’

She smiled and sighing, ‘That’s not what I’m talking about. I just we’re spending less time together since I started being friends with Martha and…’

‘Say it, Clara,’ he mocked her.

She rolled her eyes, ‘And Amy Pond.’

‘Why shouldn’t I be? I’m happy for you… plus it’s not like you are picking them over me you’re dividing your time,’ he said and leaned forward their lips meeting in a small chaste kiss.

She giggled, ‘I’m happy you’re okay with it.’

He shook his head smiling, ‘I love you, Clara of course I am.’

‘Oh look! There is Amy in a skirt...,’ she said. It took her a second to realize what he had said in the first place. Just then it hit her like a wrecked ball into the stomach leaving her shocked more than anything.

Luckily, she managed to hold a pose in front of Amy and John long enough to get inside the house greet the owner and everyone they knew well and get lost in the crowd.

John looked alright or rather untouched by the fact that he just said the ‘L’ word and she reacted to it with ‘Amy’s skirt’.

She needed to find an empty place to think. She couldn’t just leave it like that, could she? He told her that he loved her. More than that he said it like it was nothing. Like it was a well-known thing to the world, something like that the Sun is a star or that it is December.

How? Why? She couldn’t help Rose Tyler coming into her mind followed by the stupid letter.

Clara felt tears forming in her eyes just thinking about the whole incident now. She hated crying. She really did. Even more when she was about to cry in front of a room full of people that would gladly laughed at her about it. She felt hopeless knowing that the only person right now she want was John who she couldn’t see right now.

‘Clara, John said that he has to go call David but that he-’

Amy who came to her from behind was left completely speechless as she saw Clara’s eyes shimmer because of the water in them and tears sliding down her cheek.

‘Cla…,’ Amy opened and closed her mouth again looking around if she was the only one who noticed her current state.

‘I will go get him-’

‘No! D-don’t tell anything to J-john please.’

‘Let’s go.’

She took her hand and Clara let herself be leaded by Amy Pond to an empty room.

Once they were there Amy made sure the door was locked before she place now fully crying and sobbing Clara on chair.

The redhead had never seen her in this state before and she surely didn’t know how to deal with it. It would have been much easier if she could go and call John because Amy wasn’t good with these sort of crying breakdowns. Yet, she couldn’t go for John because Clara didn’t want her to and because she owned her that much.

Amy put her hair behind her ears and knelled down in front of Clara putting her hands on her knees carefully talking like she would imagine herself to a little child in fear that at the current moment Clara appeared to her.

‘Clara, I don’t know what wrong. I honestly don’t but you should stop crying because crying never solves anything, okay?’

The poor brunette nodded but the waterfall of tears didn’t stop.

‘Okay? Calm down. What happen? Did someone hurt you? Have John done something? Is that why you don’t want him here?’

She shook her head a small humorless chuckle escaping her lips, ‘N-no, that’s th-…the point… he’s great…He’s the best….thing that happen to meee… in a long time and I… can’t lose him, Amy.’

Amy watched her lips trying to understand the words of the crying disaster in front of her.

‘Then what’s the matter?’

‘It’s me! I’m a fraud… I … he said that he loves me… can you imagine?’

Clara covered her eyes with her palms trying to hide herself from the curious and misunderstood eyes of Amy.

‘What do you mean you’re a fraud?’ she asked but Clara continued crying.

Amy let out an annoyed sighed losing her temper and took her hands splitting them from her face.

‘Clara, tell me what’s going on?’

DDDDDDDDDDDDD

**17 th of July 2004**

Clara Oswald was walking through the halls of the school she hated ever since she had first entered it. She could tell by the first look that all of the kids were just hypocritical spoiled brats and as always she was right.

They showed themselves in their true colour when they started spreading those disgusting rumors about her that were nothing but a jealous lie. Not that she cared but they would have done themselves a favor if they would keep it shut. After that, Clara did her best at ruining and torturing the life of every student that walked into her way. It was easy.  Soon she even grew rather fond of her little games. She knew everybody hated her. She just couldn’t bring herself to care about it.

Many (if not all) saw her just as this troublemaker who made their lives hell. It was true but just like there always is there was a dark background surrounding it. Everything changed when Clara lost her mum and when her dad got sick a year before high school she simply couldn’t bring herself to be nice to the world that failed her like that.

She was passing a classroom when she noticed long red hair leaning over a desk.

Clara smirked and instead of walking away like she was planning to she watched her for a moment near the door hiding a bit. She didn’t know why she did it. She just suddenly felt an urge to watch Amy Pond to see what it was up to.

Once Amy walked out of the room unnoticed Clara peeked inside.

There was a paper put on the desk Amy was leaning upon with a piece of rubber on it.

 Curious Clara walked to the classroom and took the paper expecting it to be some prank. When she saw that it was she was surprised and amazed.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Clara left the room and went to her typical spot where she have usually passed her time until she either took a bus or got lift by someone to see her dad. She knew it was pointless to stay in class for another hour. Why should she?

She laid down closing her eyes thinking about her dad who had another attack and was forced to go to the hospital again. It was terrible the feeling of hopelessness and depression that was everywhere. Her father with his calm and positive attitude wasn’t helping perhaps making it even worst.

Clara was tired from the whole routine she had to go through. So tired…

DDDDDDDDDDDD

When she opened her eyes again she sat brushing her face knowing that she must have fallen asleep. She put a hand on her forehead a sad chuckle came out.

She fell asleep outside of school and no one noticed. If she wouldn’t come tomorrow would anyone notice? The teachers would probably make some comment about her skipping school and move on. They wouldn’t even phone her father for it anymore.

She didn’t know how the feeling had come but she suddenly felt really sad and depressed.

She glanced down. Her view was their school’s field.

Her eyes widened as she saw someone on the bench. Immediately remembering the poem that was written in the letter she had taken earlier.

She almost forgot about the letter she took. It wasn’t like she thought that it was written by Amy Pond. She couldn’t imagine the redhead to have such a romantic soul. Plus with the way she was putting out she knew for sure she wasn’t on girls to write it to Rose Tyler.

No, it was Pond’s friend. The boy she always hung around or rather say he was following her around.

She started crying. She couldn’t help it. Definitely couldn’t stop it.

Well, wasn’t she pathetic? Poor little Clara ruining a change for the chin boy of Amy Pond with the blond every boy got his pants tight. Maybe he should thank her. It wasn’t like they could ever be together.

She quickly brushed the tears away and walked down. She should tell him to fuck off. Someone has to, right? If Amy Pond couldn’t see that the idea was a disaster she would definitely help.

Once she was behind him she took a deep breath reminding herself that she would feel better once she fight with someone and got in front of him.

DDDDDDDDDD

**21 st December 2004**

‘So Rose Tyler never got the letter in the first place?’ asked Amy slowly.

Clara nodded, ‘I just… I didn’t know it… that John wrote it… but I didn’t care I just took it to see who was going to come I knew he and Rose would never be together…,’ she shook her head more tears coming out.

Amy took her hand, ‘Clara, what you did wasn’t right but I don’t think it would change any…’

‘You don’t understand! I was mean to you to others but never to John. I never did anything to him which is why he doesn’t hate me… if he ever finds out what I did he will hate me.’

‘I seriously doubt that Clara. He and Rose as you say never had a chance.’

‘You don’t know that.’ That was true.

‘You can’t say he… he didn’t have a chance when you had believed in it enough… to put the paper there. Because you-u put it there Amy you read it you know…what was there and if Rose Tyler isn’t even a bigger bitch than you and me she…she would at least come. But I…I had taken that chance away from him and didn’t tell him.’

‘Well, why didn’t you?’

‘I just…at first I didn’t want to because I was ashamed I had done something like that. Then…I just didn’t want to ruin whatever was going on between us. I never had… friends or people who cared and… I started liking him. I wanted to during every important decision but when I’m with him I can’t think. He takes my mind away from the bad and… and although he wrote Rose Tyler a love letter such a romantic letter he said those words to me… He said that he loves me, Amy. How can I be with him… how can I say it back knowing I lie to him?’

Amy nipped her arm which made Clara thanks to a shock to stop crying.

‘Listen, you are not going to break my best friend’s heart by confessing something so pointless like a school prank, alright?’

Clara blinked.

‘Yes, what you did was mean and so old-Claralike but that is not you anymore. You’re brown-haired Clara who John Smith totally felt for ever since your ‘complete moron’ speech. So stop weeping, check yourself and go to John to tell him how much you love him. I put that stupid letter there because I thought that John can never know if he and Rose Tyler won’t be together but now I know. He can’t because he’s with you. Trust me when I say this. Don’t tell him. Forget it. It had never happened and move on. Rose could’ve been his first crush but you are his first love.’

Clara watched her for a moment before she threw herself around her neck.

‘Thank you, Amy.’

‘Just love him back, Clara. That’s all I’m asking for.’

‘I do Amy and I’m afraid I always will. This all can go to hell but I always will.’

The both girls held each other tightly like they were the only thing that kept them alive. Clara knew that Amy took her as a friend from that November night but Clara just now understood that she took her as a friend as well.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

When Clara and Amy had got out of the room the both of them separated knowing what Clara needed to do. Knowing that she was backed up by Amy Clara was feeling courageous and sure. She wouldn’t tell John what had happen. If one they the true does come out she will be judged then but right now she wasn’t letting doubtful and pointless things to ruin her happiness because that was what her relationship with John was to her. Her happiness.

She found him talking to some boy but careless as she could be she simply took his hand and pulled him away.

‘Clara, I was talking to Tommy,’ he said chuckling as she was so impatient.

Once they were away from people in the corner she turned to him and without a second thought let out, ‘We should sleep together, John.’

That without a doubt surprised him as his eyes widened and his mouth opened. She didn’t give him a chance to speak and quickly finished.

‘Because I love you too.’

His ‘o’ mouth turned into a smile, ‘Good, I got a bit afraid I scared you off.’

She shook her head, ‘I’m not scared about me being happy with you. Not anymore at least.’

‘I’m glad because neither am I.’

Smiling they leaned to each other and kissed tenderly before they hardened it. Clara found herself being pressed again the wall one hand in her brown hair while the other on her waist.

His tongued danced with hers inside their pressed together mouths teasing each other. She let out a soft moan as he bit her lip and her fingernails pressed themselves against his back causing a sensation run through his center to every part of his body.

She licked his front teeth as they ended the kiss breathless gasping for air after their little personal performance, their eyes daringly looking at their lips back to their eyes.

Clara’s eyes cheated or rather say changed the game as they moved even lower and just by the hunger he saw in them he could feel that it wouldn’t be a problem to do what she said right here and now.

The hand in her hair brushed her cheek causing her eyes to shot back up, ‘Not here. I want it to be perfect.’

‘You’re such a romantic.’

‘You deserve it that way.’

‘So do you.’

‘Then the both of us deserve it that way.’

 

 

 


	4. Complications

 

**1st October 2014**

Jack Harkness was a tall quite handsome American. He always knew he was and he had a habit of using it on anything, anyone and anywhere.

That was what any person who knew him just briefly would say. But a true friend like John or Rory knew it wasn’t just that. There was more then met the eye.

He was sleeping around. Sure, he liked to shag people. He enjoyed it. But it was about the people.

Black, white, fat, skinny, long hair, short hair, bald, man or woman. Jack didn’t have a type. He simply loved people. He could see their beauty although they believed otherwise. He saw how fascinating and wonderful they were inside and that the body was just a shell to all that. That the really person was underneath it. One of a kind every each one of them.

Still, he really liked an excellent ass.

That certainty was the new intern’s case.

‘Okay,’ he said as he entered the room of old Mrs. Darcy who was the first patient on his ward round. She was a nice old lady who was quite funny and very opened minded to her age. She even found his scandalous flirting with everyone including her, charming and funny.

‘Good morning, Elisa. How is my pretty girl doing?’

Except for the including woman that was in the bed there was a young looking dark haired woman who was sitting next to her and two men who were standing further talking. They all looked at him as he had spoken.

The two men look a bit average. Both handsome and clearly very talented and ambitious immediately walking to the bed and ready to answer any question he was going to ask.

The woman on the other hand, the tall dark haired one seemed different. Sure, she was young and fresh and exited and like every newie a bit nervous. But there was something different about her he could sense things like that. Unique in the uniqueness of humanity.

‘Well, how about you come here and find out for yourself, dear,’ said the old woman to his previous comment and winked at him.

He smirked. Oh, he really liked this attitude in British women. _So sexy._

After a small talk with his ‘new students’ he found out that unlike Sam a really tall and working out kind of guy and Ezra a little shorter yet a really good talker, Gwen was from Wales. Her talking gave her immediately away. It might appear odd and maybe a bit annoying to someone else but he right away grew fond of it. The idea that he wouldn’t be the only one in this British to the core hospital with a funny accent literally lighten his day.

He liked these newies. Although, the Ezra guy was a bit cocky and Sam too reserved and Gwen somewhere in the middle they seemed like a potential good doctors one day. And perhaps something for his taste as well…

That was when Elisa started coughing really loudly. She was being stifled.

It was him and Gwen who rushed to the old woman quickly helping her. During the brief moment Jack typed into his mind two things to think about later since he was now very much busy with helping and saving. One, Gwen Cooper (which was her full name) was more of a woman of action than theorems. Second her finger was frilly with a nice gold ring.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

 Amy woke up rather early that day despite Rory’s grumpy attempts to keep her in bed as long as possible she got out. She made breakfast and headed to the market for some vegetables before she would meet her publisher. She and Rory were planning to visit his parents for dinner.

Moring sickness had finally stopped and she couldn’t be more grateful even if she wanted to. It was a real pain in the ass to jump from bed every morning to throw up while her husband who was tired from work had to wake up with her to hold her hair. He said he didn’t mind it but she felt humiliated. And if there was one thing she really hated it was feeling humiliated.

She was walking down the street when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. The hand carefully turned her around. And the hand was put back down again but she didn’t watch the hand anymore. She watched the man that the hand belonged to.

‘Amelia Pond, what a surprise?’ said a taller older man who was in front of her a wide smile on his face.

Amy suddenly felt into a numb state. She felt lost, tired. Like she was drunk or she smoked some of the stuff she used to at the university. As if her soul, her being was being lift from the body and was flying above them watching them as he was talking and as she was answering with one word. The smile she remembered so well through all the years never leaving his face.

He checked his watch, ‘Oh, dear I would love to stay if only I had more time. But maybe we could meet up for dinner and talk some more what do you think?’

‘Sure.’ Another one word answer.

He gave her a card which she quickly took and placed into her pocket.

‘Still jeans, ha?’ he asked grinning and leaned to her. She didn’t move as he gently kissed her on the cheek old memories coming back to her.

As she continued walking after that her mind was blank. She couldn’t bring herself to process the fact that she met him after all those years just as her life was finally settled. She was happy. She was married and she was pregnant for God’s sake. _Why did she have to meet her old love? The bitterest of them all. The one that scared her for life._

Boy, and she thought that her worst problem would be the Clara-John-Rose-drama. Jeez, was she stupid.

She brushed her tears and took her phone ready to call Clara but she couldn’t bring herself to dial her number. What would she say?

_Hey Clara, I met my ex-lover you know the marry guy and despite my better judgment I let him kiss me?_

She felt nausea when she remembered his mouth on her cheek. She started walking faster trying to get to her publisher’s house as fast as possible hoping she could wash herself there to feel less dirty.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

John woke up early and got dressed doing his best not to wake up Clara before it was six at least. He was starting earlier than usual for the last few weeks and despite his sleeping problem it was starting to show a number on him. He supposed that it didn’t matter when he woke up and called it a night. It was more about if he managed to work himself out which little by little made him really tired. He should come home as early as possible and have a few hours of nice decent sleep.

Once the clock struck six he went to the bedroom and leaned down to Clara.

‘Clara, love, I’m going to work. Don’t sleep in,’ he gently whispered into her ear.

He never really understood why people always whispered when they were trying to wake someone up. But now watching her peaceful appearance he wouldn’t dare to shout at her or even raised his voice. It would be literally violence when she was so calm and happy snuggled against the pillow.

‘Love, I won’t be here to shag you awake,’ he said with a smirk. He couldn’t spear himself the comment.

‘Good,’ she mumbled, ‘at least it won’t put me back to sleep.’

‘Oi, you!’

He shook his head and gently kissed her into the hair.

‘Lov-ve you,’ she mumbled sleepy, ‘I wll en more oncei woull comack to a reay dinner.’

He watched her for a moment confused not understanding what she said before he rolled his eyes and annoyed sighed.

_‘I will even more once I will come back to a ready dinner.’_

Decent sleep will have to wait.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1st October 2014**

_Shame_ , thought Jack.

He really liked the sound of her voice. He even had these small fantasies about her screaming from the things he was doing to her, wander through his head as he walking with Rory and John.

Gwen Cooper, an engaged intern.

_Not good Jack. So not good!_

‘Cheer up, mate,’ said Rory suddenly hitting his back.

‘Sorry? I drift away for a mo… What were you saying?’

‘We were just joking around that you will never find yourself a nice wife with that attitude of yours toward marriages and relationships in general.’

‘Blah, like I would want one. Jesus, why would I want one where there are so many fantastic asses that deserved my attention.’

John and Rory gave each other a short looked and rolled their eyes at the same time. They knew Jack way too much. Still, despite his attempt to look only as this man-whore he was good guy in the inside. If he wasn’t neither of them would even started being friend with his. Certainly not introduced him to their wives.

‘How’s Amy by the way?’

‘Much better. The morning sickness has finally passed and we both are grateful as hell. During the first week we fought like hell because of it.’

John chuckled. He couldn’t help himself despite that he knew it was mean he teased him a bit.‘So she’s emotional as usual, yeah?’

‘Yeah but because of the pregnancy it’s heightened.’

‘God, you must really want to kill her sometimes, don’t you?’ asked John suddenly regretting it as he remembered his morning with Clara.

‘Despite that you love her,’ he added.

Rory nodded, ‘I hear you, mate.’

They looked at Jack, ‘You are a lucky bastard that you’re alone.’

 Jack smirked, ‘I know, mates. I know.’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**25 th April 2011**

Jack was never alone not in the simple understanding of the word. He was charming and funny which dragged people to him. Yet, somehow he was having not difficulty to find friends (that was definitely not the problem) just that he had a hard time to get really close with them. On the emotional level.

People often saw him as the playboy who just slept with everyone just a pretty guy with nothing inside. Once one of his _mates_ told him that it was a great idea to become a doctor to get more girls.

Jack had never in his life felt so offended. He wasn’t just a pretty face. He loved people. He found every human being worth it. Why couldn’t anyone see and believe it?

He supposed that he was getting along with John and Rory who were the newies back then. He was really excited about finally having someone close to his age. The nurses and older doctors were (except for their boss) awesome but he missed someone from his generation to goof around.

Well, their start was quite solid. Rory and John knew each other from the university but they seemed really okay and well like a bromaterial.

He was really fond of them and thought that they could be really close.

That was the reason why he was so shocked and disappointed when they suddenly stopped hanging out and bonding or whatever.

He supposed that it was just like with the others. They thought that he was just a womanizer and would even make a move on their wives.

_Idiots._

If they would take a while to know him better they would know that he would never, not in million years sleep with anyone taken.

By the time he was dealing with John and Rory he was also dealing with Sue Perry a stunning blond who had a very lovely laugher he immediately adored.

He met her in his favorite bar and not only she had a breathtaking figure but she was really interesting. They talked, they flirted, they laughed and they ended up in his flat against his wall.

It was only a week later that he found out that she was married when her husband came to him with a few friends on his way from work at night and satisfied their anger with a few punches.  

He returned back to the hospital knowing that his boss was away so that he would avoid his lectures and bullshit. Unfortunately, or fortunately he bumped into Rory.

‘What happened to you?’ asked the brown haired man as he was stitching his forehead in their rest room where they could sleep for a while if they were having a long day.

‘Well, love’s a bitch.’

‘Love?’ chuckled John who walked to them and made a grimace when he noticed his face. It was as if he was grinning but being disgust at the same time.

‘Well, I can’t say women are bitches because that would be quite chauvinism.’

John sat opposite to him on a small chair while Rory continued helping his despite the pain that it was bringing. He supposed he deserved it. He should have noticed something that would have told him that he Sue was married. Not only to avoid the terrible pain from the payback but mainly so he wouldn’t feel like the villain taking someone’s wife like that. ‘So what happened?’

He shortly told them what had happened and could see that they both men were disappointed and disproved about it. He got their reactions. He supposed he would look at himself them same.

‘But you didn’t know she was married?’

‘Of course not. I know you probably think the lowest of me because I like shagging around but trust me I would never go with anyone taken. Never in my life if I knew it. She betrayed her husband but I did as well,’ he sighed, ‘And I thought she was a nice girl.’

‘So you’re not on marry woman.’

‘God, no,’ he said and shook a bit as if he was cold, ‘And I am not just on women.’

Rory stopped and for a second his head jerked to John’s direction whose brows were high.

‘Got a problem with that gentlemen?’

 John folded his arms, ‘You just said that to disturb us?’

Jack winked at him and leaned his head to the side, ‘I said it because it true.’

‘Careful mate, or you will have a lovely hole in your head,’ warned him Rory.

‘You both should know that. And I would never dare to seduce your wives or you guys for that matter, okay?’

Rory stopped and he and John looked at each other.

‘I’m not saying I won’t flirt with them or you but believe me…’

John rolled his eyes, ‘Make a hand slip, Rory.’

‘No no no, kidding. Just kidding,’ said Jack immediately protecting his face as Rory turned back to him with a Hannibal Lector look.

‘I’m handsome. How will I get laid if I won’t be handsome?’

They all smiled and talked after that. And before they knew it they were friends. Funny how friendship works.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

The three men sat behind a large table in the cafeteria they were still talking when Rose and Gwen came to them.

‘Would you mind if we join you?’ asked Rose with a smile.

Over the past few weeks she and John became well… he supposed friends or pretty close to friends that they once had been. They were talking like nothing had happened, joking around and gossiping a bit though they never mentioned the fact that they weren’t friends during the high school. He didn’t know why. It was just the way it was. He simply didn’t want to know. He found it pointless and her reason… he didn’t really care if it was shame or something else. He liked the way it was. Nothing too complicated after years of hopeless admiration that brought him the love of his life and his wife.

John nodded but it was Jack who spoke, ‘Sure, you and rookie can sit right next to me.’

The American winked at the black haired woman quickly pointing out, ‘Sorry mate but the head nurse already warned me about you plus I already have a fiancé.’

‘Okay, seriously?’ he asked the whole table looking around the people sitting there.

‘What is wrong with you people? Getting married, having babies, relationships and all. Where is the fun?’ he asked melodramatically.

‘In night activities,’ said Martha Jones who joined them unexpectedly.

‘Martha!’ The three men exclaimed and got up to hug the fourth member of their little senior doctors group.

‘How come you’re here already? What about your honeymoon?’ asked Rory as she sat down a bit startled by Rose who was also sitting behind the table. She didn’t comment it though. Martha was the person who memorized something and after she was sure it wouldn’t cause a riot brought it up as if it was an ordinary thing.

‘No, really. Martha, weren’t you supposed to be gone for the whole month?’ asked Jack.

The only woman in their small group had got married just before Rose Tyler came working to their hospital and went instantly on a honeymoon to Paris with her new husband, Tom. The woman was really excited about it her happy attitude was infective. Once she was away they spent number of talks joking about how she and Tom probably aren’t even leaving their hotel room and that she will surely have to go on a maternity leave once she come back if she ever will.

‘Yeah, I should but we got terribly bored after the first week and half and decided to come back. We’re both terrible workaholics I guess.’

‘So Tom went back to Africa then?’

‘Straight away,’ she nodded smiling and with her head pointing toward Rose and Gwen who were on the other side of the table.

John smiled and quickly introduced the three.

‘It’s so great to see you, Martha, and congratulations of course,’ said Rose smiling.

John could see that the kindness and familiarity Rose Tyler was now showing to everyone she hadn’t even talked to during high school shocked and left Martha wondering just as it had him. He at least never remembered Martha and Rose talking. Not once.

With a quick glance he knew that she would ask him about this situation more once they will be alone but for now she played her part and was nice and chatty as always.

They were all talking when a sudden cough interrupted them and left them speechless as their boss one of the grumpiest and meanest person John had ever met and he was certain that most of his colleagues would agree. Their boss (Mr. Knowitall, Bighead, Bigegghead, Sonofabitch and many other names they gave him) was truly worth it all of them. He was a pain in the ass who non-stop tortured and offended people around him. Possibly his only good feature was that he was a solid doctor. Besides that there was none.

Silence felt upon their table as they were waiting for him to say something since he looked quite annoyed.

**DDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

Clara was walking to the light blue building while searching through her bag until she abdicated to the fact that she had forgot her stupid phone home.

_Crap._

She wanted to phone John and remind him about the benefit for the kids so she would be returning late today. In the morning she told him to make her dinner and just now realized that it was pointless since she wouldn’t be there. But now she couldn’t find her phone.

She cursed and a bit irritated walked into the building hoping that she will managed to get back to school before the end of her break.

**DDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

‘Miss Cooper,’ he directed attention of the table to the young black haired woman, ‘I suppose you understand that the deserts here are earned by actions on the surgery major and right diagnosis and not by putting our heads in the other doctors’ asses.’

Everyone looked at the old man with opened mouths shocked. For a moment no one said anything until Jack blinked coming back to himself, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘What I am talking about is that if mister Derrick and Harris can managed to sit by their own and not disturb other doctors so can you, miss Cooper and I wasn’t talking to you Mr. Harkness.’

Jack made a derisive chuckle and looked at Gwen. Over the years he worked out a special sense to know whether a woman is pissed or not a Gwen Cooper was for sure pissed. Although, they all knew what kind of jackass their boss was they managed to tolerant it because of a good job they have here and because he would only be a boss for a few years. Plus, the mentioned head nurse had already warned everybody that there is nothing worse than to get into a fight with the revenger dick. So they knew better than to explode like that.

Gwen opened her mouth obviously to say something when Rose cut thankfully in, ‘Actually sir, that’s my fault. I didn’t know that and I asked Gwen if she wouldn’t like to sit with us. I suppose it is a bit disturbing when she sits with us but I think that the others can sit as well,’ she said with a sweet tone.

John and Jack looked at each other briefly thinking the same. With a female tone like that she already had every man wrapped around her finger. And they were right.

Their boss looked at Rose for a second before he started nervously babbling something about that he will let it go for this time and quickly left.

Once he was out of side Rose burst in laugher.

Everyone took small glances of each other before silent until she managed to stop herself a small blush on her cheeks, ‘Sorry.’

Her shoulders continued shaking from laugher, ‘I just… it is always so funny whenever it works.’

Gwen looked at her nappy with food and sighing she stood up.

Jack quickly took her wrist, ‘Don’t you dare leave this table. In fact you will always eat with use and next time call Ezra and Sam as well. Gosh, I can’t wait for that guy to get out.’

Everyone nodding agreed and continued talking.

Jack put his left hand on Gwen’s shoulder while the other was still on her wrist and pulled her down.

The black haired woman looked confused by his action and looked down at his hand on her wrist as if it was the scariest thing there was.

He also looked at it just now realizing how warm it was. It wasn’t the unbearable warm which made you want to pull away but a nice one which was comforting and caressing. For a moment the table and people around it where gone. Such an odd feeling he already have experience with other woman but usually it was during their panties where down and he was inside them not maidenly touching their hands.

She swallowed which created a noise that brought him back to present reality and he quickly let got turning around to Rory and quickly asking him about Amy. He was planning to do that anyway.

As always, how convenient that he didn’t have to deal with his emotions.

  **DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

After the lunch they were all heading for some work to do.

John took a few steps to reach Rose with a smile, ‘Very smart way to save the day, Ms. Tyler.’

She grinned, ‘Thanks, I use it all the time.’

He shook his head, ‘Your boyfriend must be really pleased with that. Flirting with others.’

‘Nah, he’s cool with it. He knows that it’s my behavior and that I can’t help it. Furthermore, it even helped him with a contract once.’

He chuckled, ‘Quite a solid business you have there just make sure you won’t turn it into something illegal.’

She shoved him, ‘Sure up, Smith. I will have you know I am a real lady.’

She was smiling. She missed John Smith. When she was little girl he used to be her best friend. She always love coming to the Smiths for playtime. It was so much different than the never ending fights at hers house. Until she started coming to John’s she always thought that shouts like that, police and the depressed and gloomy atmosphere was normal. That it was like that in every family clearly it was not.

John shook his head, ‘I remember you really well, Tyler and you never were a lady.’

‘Yeah? What about your wife? Is she a lady?’

‘Never joke about that!’ he said suddenly all of the laugher gone, his face drop-dead that serious. Rose immediately knew that this was his limit. His line which no one had right to overstep. Unfortunately, she just did.

‘Right,’ she said her own smiled fainting.

‘They were just rumours…’

‘Well, you made that quite clear when you punched Eric Green into the face like that.’

‘He totally deserved it.’

‘I know.’

He smiled a bit, ‘Really? Pardon me for being surprised knowing that we didn’t talk through the whole high school I couldn’t tell.’

Rose frowned a bit. She was working him for almost a month and although they were often talking they never discussed the matter. She hoped for it to stay that way. She didn’t want to talk about the demons of the past. And more than anyone with him.

  **DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st September 2002**

The summer ended quicker than he would ever expect it to. It was a really exiting summer. He wasn’t sure why was his brother doing this but during the three months they had traveled through Europe. It was a great time for John. When John was younger before his parents passed away they were an inseparable team. John admired his older brother and used to follow him around like a lost puppy. Loving his brother and father as the biggest heroes.

Then their parents were gone and his brother became the only strong pillar he could hold onto. At first he tried his best to be like that. John knew that if it wasn’t for his brother he would never be so independent and careful.

He didn’t know what brought the sudden cold treatment but once he turned twelve or so his big brother was replaced with a stranger who told him to keep the house clean gave him money and left for work returning quite late and locked into himself.

He didn’t like the new way their household was going through but since he was a kid and didn’t know what to do about it he accepted it. What could he do?

That was why he was so surprised when his brother suddenly became all caring again and took him to Europe. Once again they were close but John kept the small doubt inside feeling that it wouldn’t last and he was right as it later turned out. It didn’t last.

On the first day at his new school he kept a free seat as always. He knew that once Rose would come they would sit together as always. And so he waited.

The class was slowly filling with kids who he hoped wouldn’t be mean to him because of his height. He was quite tall for a fifteen year old boy as every man in his family was. He never had a problem before but this was a different school and he walking down the streets could see how some of his peers were looking at him.

Once Rose finally entered the classroom he smiled all happy about it. They haven’t seen each other through the whole summer but he hoped that they could continue like it was okay. He meant to call her at least once or twice like he promised but everything was so exciting it simply slipped his mind.

She looked around the room.

Their eyes met for a brief moment. The moment told him that she really recognized him.

His smile grew wider.

She walked to him and he already turned his chair toward her spot all happy about how he will finally tell someone about everything that happened during his summer.

But as she walked she passed him and his empty neighbor seat.

She walked further into the classroom and sat next to a pretty blond later known as her best friend.

John stared at her for good five minutes before he realized that Rose wouldn’t sit with him, talk or even look his way ever again.

Hilarious, he expected his brother to be the one who would close himself away from him not his good friend Rose.

That was it as selfish as it may appear the moment when Rose Tyler stopped being his friend and began the several years ignorance toward him he felt in love with her. As always true as it is we find out how much we really love something once it’s gone.

And the girl who used to ran with him in his parents garden and play hide and seek for many years was gone and replaced by a stunning young girl who didn’t give a damn about him and that was the one he fell in love with.

‘Hey, is this seat taken?’

He turned away from Rose and looked at a cute redhead who was waiting for his answer her hand on the chair already.

‘Of course uhm…’

‘Amelia Pond. Call me Amy or Pond and we will get along well.’

‘John Smith,’ he shook his head and turned to the back again, ‘call me whatever you want.’

‘Okay, whatever you want.’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

‘Yeah, well I suppose I did,’ agreed Rose carefully looking away.

John nodded and walked to the other direction.

Rose stood in the hall watching him leave a small regret building up inside her again as a small rock formed in her throat forcing tears into her eyes.

She swallowed pushing the tears away.

_No! She wouldn’t cry. She hadn’t cried for so long. She won’t dare to do it now. No way, she will cry in public like that. Certainly not for a Smith._

She looked at the direction John left. Once again she wondered why the hell she took this job when she knew John Smith was working here.

After a second with a bitter smirk walking away she knew.

_It was exactly because John Smith was working here._

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

 Jack, Rose, Gwen and Martha decided to go for a drink after work. John and Rory had apologized themselves since John was too tired and Rory promised Amy they would go visit his parents and have dinner together. They also asked the two other newies as all the doctors called them but they refused.

Gwen wondered if they weren’t a bit mad that she agreed to come with the elders as she secretly called them but that quickly fell away as she was having such a great time.

They were drinking a bit playing billiard and joking around mainly.

She was feeling really good with all of them. She enjoyed Martha and Jack’s presence since they without any problem talked about their experiences and gave her free advice as much as she liked hanging around with Rose who was just being nice and funny.

When she and Rose returned from the lavvy Martha looked at Jack, ‘You are absolutely right!’

‘What?’ asked Rose and Gwen in reunion and Martha and Jack laughed.

‘You two are soo alike.’

‘Yeah, it’s like you’re some soulsister thing or what the hell do people call it,’ said Jack and drank from his beer.

The two women looked at each other raising their brows, ‘Well we are a bit alike…’

‘I guess….’

 ‘You are. Both young,’ started Martha.

‘I’m almost thirty.’

‘Both stunning. Excellent asses.’

Gwen burst into laughter, ‘Excellent asses, who says that?’

‘I do,’ shrugged Jack.

Martha nodded several time patting him on the shoulder, ‘He does that all the time.’

‘Thank you, darling,’ he winked at her.

‘Isn’t it hard a bit?’ asked Gwen.

Jack blinked confused as she sat next to him from the other side.

‘Hanging out just with taken people?’

‘I mean Martha, John, Rory are married. Even me and Rose have boyfriends.’

Martha looked at Rose, ‘You have a boyfriend?’

‘Yeah, and a kid too.’

‘Really?’

Jack leaned closer to Gwen, ‘Why should it be hard? We all are friends, Gwen. You will figure it out eventually.’

She shrugged her shoulders, ‘I’m just saying. Aren’t you lonely?’

‘Not more than you are bored, dear.’

She frowned, ‘Bored? What do you mean?’

He smirked and leaned even closer to her ear very darkly and seductively whispering, ‘Well you know. You and whatishisname are together for a while now, right? More than a year perhaps two or three-’

She felt chills running through her spine and she knew it wasn’t from cold.

‘- It’s not about the love. You know you love him and he loves you it’s about something else. Something that has gone missing during the time. You don’t know when? Or why? It just did-’

He put his hand on the chair she was sitting but careful enough not to touch her anywhere. Heat was radiating from her skin.

‘-You have grown too familiar with each other. Sex-‘

She yanked a bit at the word. She didn’t know why. She was never shy about this things but true be told she had never heard anyone say the word that way before. _So tenderly and beautifully._

‘-became something general, ordinary instead of a constant thrill like it should have with a woman like you.’

He stopped speaking and once she found a prober voice and her thoughts got some sort of order she asked, ‘What woman like me?’

He moved away from her ear and looked at her face a pleased smirk on his face as he leaned toward her face. Her eyes wide as he stopped an inch or two in front of her lips.

‘A wild woman who deserves to get properly laid, Gwen Cooper.’

He moved away and winked at her before he got of his chair and she saw him walking toward a tall black woman at the bar.

Just by one look at the woman Gwen know that Jack would get lucky tonight. She really looked like she wouldn’t mind if he took her right there in front of everyone.

‘Don’t mind him,’ said Martha and Gwen looked at her.

‘He’s is harmless. He would never try anything on an engaged woman like you. He just loves messing around.’

She looked back at him, ‘And he’s clearly good at it, isn’t he?’

‘That he is,’ agreed Martha but Gwen’s eyes remained on Jack.

‘We all can be taken but believe me Jack is always the one who is never alone at night,’ said Martha before she drank her drink again.

The black haired woman watched as the woman at the bar was slightly moving toward Jack as he was telling her something. Maybe even the same nonsense that he was telling her just a moment ago.

She put her hand on her neck creating a bit warmth by brushing it. His words cause a really cool shiver despite that he must have wanted to heat her up. She felt cold. It was his absence which left her like that.

_What the bloody hell?_

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st October 2014**

John came home from work. It was something passed four o’clock but he felt terribly tired. The only thing he wanted to do was to snug into the bed and sleep. It wasn’t often he had these states but today was one of those days.

He decided that Clara could order herself a takeout and went to their bedroom. He immediately noticed her cellphone next to their home phone. _His raggedy teacher._

The home phone had a small red light flicking on the monitor. Someone left a message and as much as he wished he could just let it on Clara he couldn’t.

Sighing he pressed a button and walked into the closed slowly getting undressed.

‘Hey John, forgot my phone,’ started Clara’s voice coming from the machine. _Thank God._ He thought it was some problem he will need to solve.

‘Classic me. Anyway, you know I’m going to come home late because of the stupid charity thing so don’t stay up late…uhm… I just wanted to tell you that… I think I will need to go I left my wallet in the surgery,’ he straighten up to that.

‘I love you and… we’ll talk later, okay? Bye.’

He blinked. _Surgery?_ _Has she really said it?_

He played the message again paying more attention to her words. He heard it clearly and she really had said surgery. Why was she in a surgery? She hadn’t gone to visit him or Martha or any other of his collegians she wouldn’t call him. She would pay a visit to him instead if she had had. But what surgery then? Perhaps her gynecologist? Did she had a …

He froze.

Suddenly all her weird stresses came back to him. She was acting weird ever since Amy got pregnant. Could it be that she was as well? But how… Was that it? After all he was really convinced that they should wait. He always wanted them to wait.

A terrible thought crossed his mind. He knew how much his Clara loved kid. He never doubted that she wanted a few in the future. Could she actually want them so much that she would go behind his back and stopped taking pills without telling him?

NO! How could he even think about something like that?

If Clara is pregnant then it despite the pills had to be an incident.

He sat down on the bed still unchanged thinking about the new situation that might have happened. Clara could be pregnant. She could have a life growing inside her and in a few months there could be a baby. A child that would change everything. Just like today he would come back home tired from work only to meet an even tired than him Clara. Of course he would love her and the child but with Clara’s temper it would be a constant fight. Also a screaming baby. He didn’t have much experience with the children. He never even met those two that Clara used to babysit back when they had started dating. And from the way she was speaking about the older girl he was glad. He never really talked about it but every time Clara said ‘okay’ to his suggesting of waiting a little bit more a large rock fall from his heart. He wasn’t ready for that. He knew that one day he will be a good father. He surely will but not now. Not yet.

He felt guilty but he couldn’t lie to himself. He hoped Clara wasn’t pregnant. It was selfish and Clara would probably never forgive him but he most certainly didn’t want to have kids at least for now. To ease his decision he wowed that if Clara was or wasn’t pregnant he will starting tomorrow work on to become a good father for the future.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

Rory and Amy were quietly looking at the ready meal in front of them as they were for the last hour. They were supposed to go to his parents for dinner. It was a complete shock when he came home to find Amy cooking in the kitchen and telling him that she already arranged that his parents would come to their house. The new situation surprised him because they were settled for almost a week that they will come to his parents’ house.

Also he knew that whenever Amy was cooking it was her way of dealing with certain bad things. She was always thinking through gloomy things whenever she was cooking. She said that she always told him everything and most of the time he believed her. Just from time to time he had this feeling when he looked her into the eyes as if there was something dark. He would like to believe that they told each other everything. They always say that to others but he wasn’t naïve there were things she kept hidden inside and left them to torture her.

That was what he hated about his marriage. His wife being hurt and dealing with something which he couldn’t protect her from was a terrible pain of his.

Everybody always assumed that it was because of how much he loved her. They were this cute and sweet couple a bit surprising because of Amy’s reputation.

_Yeah, cute couple sure…_

_His ass they were a cute couple!_

 By the time they actually had a first date he already knew that she was a natural red-haired. That was something none of their friends knew about. And they really hoped to keep it that way.

Perhaps he felt guilty for how he was treating her back then…

Anyway, now he was a different person. Now, he was her husband who loved and cared for her and who wished she would tell him what the matter was.

‘Why again did we stay in today?’ he asked purposely knowing that she hadn’t explained it yet.

Amy blinked and looked up at him, ‘I just felt like cooking.’

‘Aren’t you going to tell me what is wrong?’ he continued hoping for her to open up.

She sighed and smiled, ‘My beloved husband.’

He frowned.

‘Kidding, Rory, it’s just the pregnancy. Honestly, I wanted to cook dinner tofay. Nothing to be too concerned about,’ she assured him and reached for his hand.

After a moment in which he watched her wondering if she was telling the true he nodded, ‘Okay, Amy. I believe you.’

They held hands smiling carefully before he checked his watch, ‘Dear God, where are they?’

Just like that the home phone ringed.

‘That’s probably them,’ said Amy as Rory got up to the phone quickly taking it.

‘Hello? Dad? Thank God, I was getting wo-‘

Amy looked at him as his face changed and got a bit paler, ‘What? Slow down… What hospital?’

She rapidly stood up and walked to him.

‘Yeah, sure no! Don’t worry about that we’re on our way…’

‘What’s wrong?’

Amy and Rory knew each other for over eight years and she never in her life seen him so frightened.

‘My mum…’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

John opened his eyes to a closing door noise. He looked down frowningly realizing that he had fallen asleep fully dressed in this jeans and t-shirt which properly annoyed him.

When Clara walked into the room she smiled a bit, ‘Hey, you waited for me.’

He slowly stood up stretching himself a bit. ‘Actually, I-’

He was cut off as his wife sprinted to him and a bit toughly and tightly hugged him around the torso burying her face into his chest.

‘Clara? Clara, darling, what’s wrong?’ he asked carefully hugging her back with one hand while the other went to her cheek so he could look her into the face.

She wasn’t crying but he could see… The look she worn was absolutely something else. Never in his life had he see this look on her face before. It was a strange look a numb look like everything stopped mattering. Like all the hope, joy and life was taken away from Clara in an instance. He couldn’t help it but one thing strike him as he looked at her. This woman was not his wife.

‘Clara?’ he asked again quite quietly afraid of what she will say.

She stepped away from him and went to sit down on the bed, ‘I didn’t tell you John but… uhm…I went to see Doctor Moore my gynecologist… and-’

He knelled down in front of her his hands on her knees.

She looked at him, ‘Apparently I lost a baby, John.’ She said her voice emotionless.

It took a moment of dead silence for her words to be fully processed by him. He couldn’t believe it. He was a doctor yet he didn’t notice his own wife was pregnant and lost a child?

‘W-when? ‘ he asked suddenly fully understand her numbness.

‘Well, she said that it was after we found out that Amy was pregnant… maybe that morning? I was late but I was kind of… stressed and I thought that it was okay because of the pills then... remember I woke up a few days ago. I was bleeding a bit more than usual but it didn’t hurt or anything. I didn’t even feel it.’

‘So why did you go to the gynecologist then?’

‘I should have gone last month but I forgot and everything… I decided to go today…’

They stood like that watching each other none of them knowing what to say but both feeling incredibly guilty and hopeless.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**2 nd October 2014**

It was early morning he was in that beautiful state of being awake yet still sleeping. The state was blessing though he couldn’t understnad why. There was something… Something that his mind was trying to remind him or protect him from.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

_A very sensitive panting was echoing in his ear as his hands wondered through something warm. God, he loved the warm it felt sooo wonderful against his hands._

_His fingers touched something sticky. He heard a small cry that caused him to get all heat up and wanted nothing more than to… God he wanted._

**_DDDDDDDDDDDDD_ **

He took a deep breath and rolled over suddenly feeling a very intensive pain hitting him. His head hurt. _Why did his head hurt so much?_

**_DDDDDDDDDDDDD_ **

_His lips felt something wet... another mouth and brushing tongue against his as his hands where caressing a large pair of breasts._

_She moaned into his mouth. So hot._

**_DDDDDDDDDDDDD_ **

_He was drinking?_

His head really hurt. He was definitely hangover.

_God, he wants to die._

As he rolled over again he felt his hand touched something warmth.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

_‘Roseeee…’_

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

His eyes shot open wide and careless toward his aching head he looked at the body which the warmth was radiating from. 

His hand had touched a lovely pale back with thousands of little freckles and lovely red hair spread wildly on it and on the pillow.

The realization was terrible no not terrible this was the bloody end of the world for him. Even if the blood Moon would fall down on Earth it wouldn’t be as bad as it was right now.

 _Brilliant_! Just once just this once he got craves and as the biggest idiot and jackass he decided to fulfill his need with… _her_.

Such an asshole!

He sighed. Then again, if he really wanted to do something like that it was only logical that he had done it with her. But…

‘Donna, I know you are awake. Can you please look at me?’ he asked as he noticed that her breathing became a bit unsteady for a sleeping person.

‘Usually the man I do let me have my beauty sleep at least till eight.’

‘Donna!’

With a deep breath she turned around completely naked which caused his eyes to stop on her lovely breast he had been touching just a few hours ago. Once he realized it he quickly turned around blood running to his cheeks. As always she made him blush.

‘A bit too late for shyness, don’t you think?’ she asked and for his sake took the cover in order to hid herself a bit.

He chuckled and looked at her.

She knew the puppy look he gave her. She knew it too well and hated it since it was so pathetic and it made her feel pity for him which was the main not-to rule in her branch.

Never feel pity feel sympathy but never pity.

Donna brushed her ginger hair behind her ear and with a steady and warning tone said, ‘For God sake David Smith if you dare to say I’m sorry I will castrate you!’

He chuckled again. Someone might have gotten frighten by her words but he knew Donna Noble for too long. He was her patient for over ten years now.

‘Doctor knows best,’ he told his therapist.

 

 


	5. Save In Your Arms

 

**20 th October 2004**

Clara woke up with a gasp. She had a terrible nightmare about her mother she haven’t had in a while.

Breathing heavily she was watching the dark room she found herself in.

She jerked when she felt John putting his hand on her back. She forgot that she was now a fulltime host in his room and bed like this. It was one of those nightmares that used to keep her awake for the rest of the night.

But not anymore.

‘Clara, are you, alright?’ he asked her whispering into her ear while his hand was calmingly coming up and down her back.

She closed her eyes feeling his tenderness toward her, her heartbeat and breathing calming down as well knowing that everything is okay. Knowing that John got her and that we would protect her even from something as cruel as a nightmare. And silly as it may appear she believed it. She believed in him.

‘Yeah, I’m fine… just hold me for a bit, okay?’

He nodded leaning to her and placing a small soft kiss on the back of her neck. Clara knew she was safe and home.

‘Can you kiss me? Until I fall asleep? And then just hold me… but don’t stay up and I won’t mind if you’ll fall asleep before me or if you…’

‘Always, Clara,’ he cut it causing her to close her mouth as he was moving his lips everywhere the back of her neck leaving a warm kiss on every inch assuring her that he was here.

_Always Clara_

And just like that she loved him even more than before.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

Clara woke up to a short ring of her phone. A message.

She wasn’t really asleep. It has been days since she last had a goodnight sleep. She couldn’t sleep not the proper way at least. She was numb. She wasn’t sad, she wasn’t angry, upset or frustrated, she wasn’t irritated and she wasn’t miserable. She was simply numb. Nothing made her happy nothing made her sad. Everything was just in a very odd and unhappy shade of grey. Pointless… so pointless.

She took a deep breath and looked to her side. The bed was empty just like it had been for the least twelve days. This was the longest time she was John were apart in bed ever since they moved in.

Sure, just like every couple they had their little disagreements that rarely but still sometimes ended in John moving to the couch for the night. It was rare. It happened about five no six times ever since they started sharing a home.

The last time it was three years ago.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**25 th August 2011**

It was her fault.

Usually she was the irrational one who just had to push them to a fight like that. And right now it was one of those times.

John has been having a hard time in work. His boss was a terrible person from what he and Rory were telling her and it was clear as day that he was making their days as bad as possible. John often returned from the work pissed because another pointless and mean duty his boss had given him just to humiliate him or show him how much he didn’t know.

Oh, how he was angry.

As if it only was meant to be worst in was the time when she was having her days and was quite hard to put up with during those. She knew that and often took that as an excuse whenever she made him mad knowing that he wouldn’t fight with her because as a doctor he almost always knew whenever she had them.

Again, he returned home and as he shut the door she knew he had another bad day. Unfortunately, so did she since the kids were being difficult and her stomachache was merciless.

She was angry.

She came home and almost crawled out of her skin when she saw a bag from the rubbish bin that was supposed to be already thrown away yesterday but John forgot and promised to do that today since he was the one who was going later to work.

She was sitting on the bed now trying to find a good position for a while that wouldn’t make the cramps hurt so much when he came home.

‘CLARA!’

She smirked and folded her arms.

He couldn’t believe it. The whole corridor was a mess as she took the bag with the rubbish and simply emptied it out on the floor all the way from the main door to their living room.

‘You got to be kidding me!’ he ran to the living room and then to their bedroom where she was sitting on the bed.

‘What? That you couldn’t throw out one bag? GOD DAMN IT! You know me for ten years you should know by now how I hate mess.’

‘I know by now that you are crazy! How do you think does something like that looks?! Throw out garbage in our home on our flat. YOU ARE MAD!’

‘YES I AM!’ she got out of the bed.

‘I am mad because my bloody idiot can’t manage to do one stupid thing! A thing that I have been reminding him to do for days!’

‘Don’t be melodramatic it was a one day and I forgot. I have a hard time in work, okay?’

‘Oh my god! Mr. Doctor has it difficult in work. Well guess what I have a work too you know and it isn’t easy as well.’

And it went on and just like every fight it got from one rubbish bag to late night hours of work, to not loving each other enough, to being mean and careless, to never going anywhere and etc.

‘Stop it! Just stop it Clara! You’re being ridiculous. You know this is just about you having your days and want to fight it out on me. Well guess what? I am not your punching bag. Find yourself another one.’

‘Yeah? That’s the thing! You’re never my anything! You never wanted to marry me in the first place!’

That caused a silence.

Clara knew she went too far once she saw the look on John’s face. She knew that this was like a punch into the stomach for him.

They have been dating for a long time until they finally got married. It was because that just like Clara didn’t want a child with the possibility of losing a mother he didn’t want to get married and leave her a widow. This despite how mad it may sound caused her to smile. They were perfect for each other. Time passed and eventually they got married but both knew that it wasn’t just because of them loving each other but also because of other pressures like her father, their friends… she always kept asking him before their wedding day if he really wants to do this and he always repeated that he loves her… but never that he wants to marry her.

Despite everything, now they were married and for the first time Clara actually used this in an argument.

John looked away from her his hands in fits. He was angry. She could see that he was angry but he didn’t say anything. He always was the type with a silent anger while she was the one who always let it out on somebody. Usually him.

Her lisps trembled. She didn’t know why she said that. It was mean. No, it was cruel to say it. He would never use anything like that against her. Never.

‘That was the meanest thing you ever said, Clara…Oswald.’

She swallowed again going into a defense mode, ‘Was it now? I did call Maggie Parton father a fucker once in front of the whole class after her parents got divorced.’

He nodded, ‘Still the cruelest you ever said to me.’

She turned around her voice cold and unshaken, ‘You should sleep in the living room tonight.’

‘Maybe I should go to David’s or the Ponds’.’

‘Do whatever you want!’

She turned around rapidly but John already left the room leaving her alone to upset threw herself on the bed her body torturing her less than her soul in the moment.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

It was late at night now possibly even morning and Clara hated herself for being like that. Why was she always the one who screw it up between them like that? She always started the fight. She always was the mean bitch in their relationship. She promised Amy, she wouldn’t hurt him, she promised him she wouldn’t hurt him, she promised David she wouldn’t hurt him, she promised herself she wouldn’t hurt him, GOD she even promised her dad she wouldn’t hurt him.

And look at her? Always hurting him as bad as she could. As bad as it was possible to hurt him.

She wiped out a few tears before she got out of the bed and walked to the living room. Luckily, he stayed home.

He was laying on the couch his back to her.

Quietly, she walked to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

‘I’m awake.’ Of course he was.

He turned to her, his face hidden by the dark of the night. Maybe it was good because if she would see pain or hate in his face she would rather die.

‘I love you which is why I am afraid that the only reason why you married me is because you love me.’

He sat up.

‘Not because you wanted to but because you thought that we should, that are friends and families told us that we should, that it was expected from us to get married since everyone including us knows how much we are in love. It’s mad. I know but I sometimes not always I just wonder if it was…’

He put his hands on her cheeks causing her to stop talking few tears escaping her eyes, ‘S-sorry, I was never….I don’t feel like that and I shouldn’t have said it… forgive me.’

He leaned to her giving her a softly kiss, pulling her bottom lip.

‘My dearest wife, I love you more than anyone ever loved but I don’t know… maybe it was because of the pressure everyone was putting at us maybe because of how you sometimes looked at me after we calmly explained to someone that we don’t want to rush things. A way that I know you were sorry that we are still unmarried and all… maybe it was all that but Clara it was because I love you that I actually proposed. Love. I love you so much that just the thought that you are unhappy in any way because of me is driving me mad. I want nothing more than to make you and keep you happy. And yes that is why we married but Clara I would never change that okay. You are the love of my life. My one and only Clara Oswald and you will always be.’

Clara quickly pulled him into a tight embrace.

‘Why am I always the bad guy here?’

He chuckled a bit before kissing her cheek, ‘I don’t know but you also are the one that always apologies and smooth things after that.’

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

Clara turned to the phone.

_Martha J.: Sorry, I know it’s early but can you drive me today? Sweep off tyre._

Clara took a look at the empty space next to her after what she told him they tried to sleep together but he didn’t know if he could touch her and she didn’t know either so she just asked him to go to the living room which have been twelve days ago. It was a long time but she couldn’t bring herself to call him to come back.

_Clara: No problem. Be there at nine._

After that she got out of the bed and headed for the kitchen for another speechless breakfast.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

Amy and Rory were also up early. Well, earlier than they normally would if Rory didn’t need to go to work. Usually, they would wake up smiled at each other knowing that it is his day off hugged tighter staying in bed until midday or so before getting out of the bed doing something around the house or going on visits.

But not today.

Since Rory wasn’t in the mood for eating Amy just made herself two sandwiches and coffee for both before she would go iron his shirt and get ready herself.  The food was already put everywhere around the house it was quite a cold day so she knew it would be alright until the guests come.

Suddenly Rory stormed into the kitchen looking all worried out and shocked, ‘I-I forgot. Did we call the flower shop for the wreath? Did we?’

Amy put down her coffee and walked to him, ‘Yes, Rory, we did and we called everyone, okay? Everything is settled,’ she put her hands on his shoulders.

This man was lost. He had it all over his face, his walk, his appearance. He was lost and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt like a frailer. She should be a better wife. A much better wife would know what to do…

No that wasn’t it. She knew that not even Marry Poppins would have known what to do.

She hugged him tightly whispering all those nonsense that never really are true about how it is going to be okay and how it will get better with time only to create a small hope because with Rory being all reckless like this freaking out about everything she honestly didn’t know.

It has been almost two weeks and she still couldn’t believe that her mother-in-law was dead.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

David was getting ready for his class. He loved teaching. He supposed he was good as in really good in it since he was always somehow held longer in the class to answer a few more questions. Explain or try a few experiments, prepare a few students for some competition and etc.

Funny, he never remembered his classmates to be so interested in science and technologies. Maybe it was just the new age they were living in.

It has been exactly eleven days since he has spoken to Donna and although as she was getting dressed she assured him nothing would change between them. It did and they were absolutely broken as friends for sure.

He still couldn’t believe what have happened. How had it happen?  Well, he knew how of course…well…a bit…

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**1 st/2nd  October 2014**

He was supposed to come and say hi to her and greet her since it was her forty birthday today. From the twelve years they knew each other ten years they were more friends than doctor patient and about seven they were really close friends.

He didn’t have many friends. Sure there was his brother and Clara but he always had a feeling that it was more of a formal sort of thing. Something like that they were family so it wouldn’t have mattered if they would like each other or not. They simply had to stick together.

Before the _thing_. Back in his studying days he had many friends well…. until that one April night but… that was in the past now.

In work he was surrounded either by underage kids or too old collegians sure they were okay but they weren’t exactly his generation.

Donna was something new and completely different. He would never expected her to be something more than a therapist but she managed to dig herself in and sort of save him from something that would have surely be the most terrible mistake in his life. He was sure of it…

And so he came here. To Heaven, a strip bar which felt more like hell as he saw the naked man dancing around. He should have known that Donna would celebrate her well jubilee somewhere like this but … no he knew but he decided that it wouldn’t stop him.

He spotted the redhead near the bar chatting with her friends who he knew and probably a few he didn’t knew.

He walked to her leaning toward her, ‘Dear doctor, aren’t you supposed to be somewhere more appropriate?’

She turned around looking surprised, ‘David Smith in a strip bar for men. I had too many drinks and fainted.’

He chuckled and quickly hugged her. Her new perfume immediately hitting her nose.

‘Happy Birthday, Donna.’

After that it was a fast fall. He remembered drinking with Donna and her friends. A lot drinking. Then dancing, a lot of dancing. He lost track of who he was dancing with, briefly realizing whenever it was Donna only because of her ginger hair. He always found them adorable. Although, to be honest there wasn’t anything that could have been taken as adorable with Donna Noble. He never met a woman who was so sure of herself. So female yet with her feet on the Earth. He really liked Donna and admired her as a woman, therapist and friend.

Despite of how much he was drinking it wasn’t as much as Donna and her friend so when he and Donna were talking at the table and her friends Barbra… he guessed came to them that she is taking some Annie home and that Donna should drink her drink he immediately intervened in and drank it for her.

‘You know, I am soo old for this. Tomorrow, I am going to die from the headache. I am sure of it.’

He chuckled and he brushed his face a bit feeling fog slowly crawling to him, ‘Don’t be silly. You’re forty.’

He looked at her and brushed a few hairs that fall to her face, ‘that’s half way to eighty, not even half to ninety.’

‘Dear Lord, you really know how to make a woman want you, don’t you?’

‘No, but I know how to make my friend happy.’

‘What makes you think you make me happy?’

He leaned backward against the soft couch they are sitting on with a smile on his face, ‘Cause you are smiling. People smiling equals hapness….’

‘Happiness. You are too drunk.’

He looked at her as she was smirking at him.

Everything got really dimly and so weird but as long as he could see Donna and with the alcohol in him he wasn’t worried or anything. _No, he was okay. He was okay._ _He was fine._

But in another moment the red hair was gone and he started panicking. He went to look for her. He wasn’t sure where was he going. Or what was he doing but he felt someone took his elbow which was possibly the last solid thing that he caught.

After that it was all kisses, hugs, touches.

A cab, more kissing, more touching. He was hot. God, he felt so hot it was unbearable so he started undressing myself. Yeah, undress. That seemed like a good idea.

He couldn’t tell where he was but quickly released himself from his jacket, shirt, his belt, his trousers.

He just couldn’t wait. In a moment he again felt those soft lips on his skin and his hands were running threw a body very womanfully body with everything on the right place.

Something broke and he could hear a giggle so lovely he just couldn’t take it any longer.

Their position change. They were possibly laying but at this state he couldn’t really tell.

The sudden relief and overwhelming sensation was followed by heavy panting and thrilling moans.

His mind may have been a total mess right now but he could clearly feel how arouse he was and that he was acting on it.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

He felt ashamed more than anything. It was terrible. This was surely the worst thing he had done.

Not only that he slept with his best friend but he was drunk like he hadn’t been in years and to the top of that he hardly remembered it and maybe he even thought he was shagging… well _her_ and not Donna.

Well, he was sure that that was his worst on his worst things list. God! He wanted to die. Or to have a time machine and kick himself into the balls before he would even dare to kiss her.

Bloody alcohol, he didn’t even remember if it was him who kissed her or the other way around.

He didn’t have time for this. He was already late for his class. Yet, even his brilliant kids couldn’t take his mind away from the problem.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**23 rd May 2002**

He rushed into her consulting room like an oncoming storm totally all sweaty and panting from running causing her to spill her coffee on her new blouse as she was just enjoying her break.

‘What the hell?’ she shouted as after him her assistant ran in apologizing that she tried to stop him.

‘Doctor Noble, I tried but he just ran in!’

‘I need your help!’ shouted the man.

Donna stood up trying to get the hot liquid out of her. It hurt.

She looked at the man who was clearly a mess and a follicle of nerves and at her assistant who was looking worried and then thinking about herself as she was trying to wipe off the coffee mark from her blouse and shut down the pain it caused.

‘Please!’

‘Do you have a meeting? Reservation perhaps?’

‘N-no, but I assure you it is urgent, please doctor Noble.’

He wasn’t sure what caused her to actually take him in, sat him down and listen to his story from the absolute beginning to the painful end without a single object or glaze.

He could see that she was a good doctor. He heard a few people talking about her but just now he knew that she really was great. She didn’t take him as a nutcase. Well, maybe a bit but she wasn’t disgusted by him.

She talked him threw whenever he got stuck and she was simply amazing. In about two and half hours later he for the first time let everything out and Donna Noble was the person who knew him more than everyone ever had.

Instead of pity or disgust she showed kindness and support. And she became the third most important person in his life.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

‘Is something the matter, Mr. Smith?’ asked Juliet Maxwell one of his best students this year as the lesson ended and she was heading him her homework. It never failed to amazed him how could so young children be so cleaver and sentient.

He smiled at her a bit, ‘Why do you think so Juliet?’

She shrugged her shoulders, ‘You seemed a bit off lately. Plus you totally screwed it during the lesson with the numeral mistake.’

He chuckled. Yeah, no one can’t point out a mistake as eloquently as a twelve year old girl with IQ 125.

‘Well, I upset my best friend. Big time. And now I’m afraid she will never talk to me again.’

‘Are you sorry that you upset her?’

‘Of course.’

‘Do you regret the thing that upset her?’

‘Of course.’

‘Did you tell her that?’

 ‘Of course.’

‘Then I don’t know but you should try again. Trying and failing but failing better is the way to succession.’

He looked at the young girl. ‘Maybe you’re right. You are quite smart.’

He missed Donna. She was his best friend after all. Perhaps she was just as ashamed as he was. He was her patient after all. And also her friend.

He really should talk to her.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

John and Clara took Martha exactly at nine o’clock. It was mostly a quiet drive. All three had mixed feelings. Unlike Martha, who wondered what people usually do at funerals and burial-feast Clara and John were still at the baby page.

Martha supposed that the funeral was as lovely as a funeral could be and that Rory’s mother would have been honoured if she could see how many people came.

As they were standing upon her casket she stood near John and Clara but coherently shared looks with Amy who was in the middle between Rory and his father Brian.

And Amy stood bravely. She was sure that between Rory who was acting like a maniac and Brian who was completely silent for the last twelve days she was the only one who was holding this family.

She looked at the casket again. Eva Williams… gone… just like that.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**19 th April 2007 **

Amy Pond and Rory Williams were an example of a perfect couple. Well, perfect as perfect could be. They fought. From time to time. They broke up once or twice a month. They had a habit of bringing up bad things about each other….

Okay, no Amy and Rory were not a perfect couple. Hardly even an okay couple.

 But despite the every drama and what was before they were happy. They were a couple and they were together and happy. Noise, very noise but happy.

And today Amy was going to meet Rory’s parents. Although John and Clara and Rory and practically everyone was assuring her it will be okay. She couldn’t shake this feeling that they are going to look though her and see what kind a person she was. That she slept around. That she was with a married man. That she got drunk, drugged and was smoking. Simply not a girl at all to a sweet boy like Rory Williams.

‘Ams, I am not sweet and you should know that better than anyone, remember our beginnings?’

‘Yeah, but you know how parents are especially mums toward their sons. She’ll think I am bitch who is trying to steal you away!’

He laughed her out which didn’t help but after that he calmed her down just like he always could, leaving her better.

And so the day of the execution arrived.

His dad. The absolutely best adult she ever met. She couldn’t even imagine a man like him existed. He was funny, cheerful and kind. Best dad ever. She was for sure.  His mum…well.

Rory and Amy were standing in front of his house when the door opened.

Rory’s mum was very pretty and with one appraising look she greeted Amy with Amy knew she didn’t like what she saw.

She acted nicely, kind didn’t dare to offend Amy directly but she could see that it was only because of Rory and his dad in the same room.

Well, at least she was pretending but she couldn’t be sure if she wasn’t already plotting something against Amy to break them apart. If it was true she thought wrong. Amy knew she loved Rory. Actually loved him. Probably for the first time in her life loved like never before and she certainly wasn’t going to let anything into the way of her finally healthy and great relationship.

But she was a good cook. She had to give her that.

After the dinner Amy volunteered to help with the dishes. She would much rather stayed with Rory and his charming dad but her instincts kicked in. And once again, listening to them was a wise choice.

‘So journalism?’

‘No, it’s creative writing.’

‘Oh.’

Amy rolled her eyes, ‘Don’t try. I know you don’t like me.’

‘Do you blame me?’ asked the woman taking her glass of vine.

Amy connived her eyes defensively, ‘You don’t know me.’

She smirked, ‘True’.

‘But the only thing you need to know about me is that I love him more than anything.’

She watched her for a moment before she put the glass down and walked to the sink giving Amy a towel, ‘I will wash and you can dry.’

Her relationship with Eva Williams was never a warmhearted one. It was simply formal and decent and they both respected each other for Rory’s sake because despite that Amy was his wife Eva would always remained his mother…

**DDDDDDDDDD**

**12 nd October 2014**

…till now at least.

**DDDDDDDDDD**

After the funeral they all came to Amy and Rory’s house for the burial-feast.

For John it was a hard time. He dimly remembered the burial-feast of his parents when he was a child but it was really foggy mostly. He remembered the pity looks everyone was sending toward him and David and how David was assuring him that everything would be okay. Well, almost eighteen years later, he was sort of right.

But right now all of the things came rushing back.

He looked at Clara and he could see that she felt the same with her puffy eyes and though mask expression he knew so well.

Unthinkably, forgetting their current problem he simply took her hand.

She looked at him into those large blue-green eyes and she could see that he knew how she felt and he felt the same. This was the first spark of hope they witness ever since it happen. Hope that they will be okay again. Thanks to that they believed it at least a bit.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

Gwen and Jack were in front of the hospital all dressed up waiting for Rose to pick them up.

After their little moment in the bar which they never mentioned they were in a mostly friendly-formal routine depending on if their boss was near or not.

Jack checked Gwen out. He has done that a lot. He did it to all people but lately it was just Gwen who was the main character of his observation. If it buttered him or not he couldn’t quite decide yet but he still continued doing it.

‘Nice dress but I don’t think that the boots are right.’

He said grinning at her sandshoes.

‘Yeah, well I brought my fancy shoes with me this morning but they weren’t at my locker later. I can’t imagine someone talking them or anything. They weren’t even expensive or anything. Plus I got really big feet.’

‘I find your feet rather nice, rookie,’ he winked at her and she chuckled, ‘Yet, it is strange we never had any thieveries.’

 After a moment a car stopped near them and they quickly got in just then noticing that they weren’t alone in it.

‘Hey, fella, what’s your name?’ asked Jack still a bit taken by the fact that the car had a little about seven years old boy sitting in it.

‘Hi, I’m Nate,’ said the little boy with blond hair and big brown eyes as his mother.

‘Well, hello, nice to finally meet you since your mum kept talking about you all the time. She is really proud of you,’ agreed Gwen as she sat next to him in the back.

The boy smiled showing a missing tooth in the front, ‘She talks about you guys too.’

‘Okay, that is enough told secrets for one ride. Let’s go,’ quickly cut in Rose.

‘The nanny called that she is sick and my busy boyfriend is inconveniently out of town so it was left up to me. You think Rory will mind? I mean I was invited but I don’t know.’

‘Mum, you worry too much.’

‘The kid is right. Rory won’t mind. Amy said that he wasn’t doing very well and that she couldn’t decide who was worst he or his dad,’ said Jack lowering his voice a bit and making sure that Nate was busy talking to Gwen.

‘I can’t imagine how he must feel.’

‘Yeah, he and his parents are well were really close.’

Despite that Rose and Jack weren’t close with their families they got that it must have been terrible to lose a parent.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

 ‘Well, everyone has something to drink, something to eat. Rory is with John and Brian is… well standing next to his cousin-’

‘And now you can sit for a moment,’ said Clara to Amy in the kitchen just as Martha pulled her out a chair for her.

Amy sadly chuckled and sat down appreciating the concern of her two friends.

‘How are you doing?’

‘I don’t really know. Me and Eva were never close you two know that better than anyone but I would never wish her for this to happen.’

‘Of course you didn’t,’ said Martha and took her hand, ‘It was an accident.’

Amy looked at her hands, ‘Rory isn’t taking this very well. He is hardly keeping it together. I think he’s gone mad. And well Brian. Brian isn’t talking at all. I really don’t know what to do. Maybe he should go see someone? Talk to an expert?’

‘Which one?’

‘Both. Yesterday Rory woke up all sweaty asking me if the baby isn’t kicking yet. Can you imagine? He woke me up and I almost got a heart attack I swear. And this morning he suddenly didn’t know if we had everything ready or not.’

‘But you understand that this all is an absolute shock and everything,’ started Martha.

‘Of course I do. And believe me I am as supportive as possible just that it is becoming a bit too much and I am slowly started to losing it myself.’

Amy shook her head looking tired before she frowned.

‘Plus Monique, my publisher just pissed me off.’

‘Because of the book?’

‘Because her bitch of an assistant who gave my ex my phone. With my luck this will be the day he will call me.’

Clara straightened up to that, ‘What ex?’

‘The married guy?’ asked Martha.

Amy blinked and gave Clara a quick aggressive frown.

‘She didn’t say anything which I was quite angry for since we were supposed to be telling each other everything by the way,’ cut in Martha giving both an eloquent look.

To Amy’s confused face she simply shrugged, ‘You used to talk a lot once you got really drunk.’

Her eyes widened, ‘Could Rory know?’

‘Oi please,’ waved her hand Clara, ‘If Rory knew he would already be half way to his house protecting your honour.’

‘Well, a bit too late to protect that,’ pointed Martha and earned a kicked under the table from Amy.

‘Thank God, I am sure he would have freaked out…well more than he is now at least. He’s really a family type guy despite anything he says.’

‘Hm, do you think he will call you?’

‘Why would he spend his time to get my number? And she just had to tell me today like I wasn’t so stressed enough already.’

‘But why? Doesn’t he know that you are married? He wouldn’t try anything, would he?’

‘I don’t know and I surely don’t want to find out. Fuck the guy if I see him again I rather hit him with a rock or something. I had to wash up after our last meeting that’s how much disgusted I was. Even Rory noticed so I had to lie. Jesus, I can believe I am lying again for that guy it’s like high school all over again. At least Rory is so out of it that he doesn’t even notice me.’

‘I think you should-’

‘You bastard!’

They three women heard from the living room and suddenly there was a loud shattered glass noise which made them stood up and ran to the living room.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

‘You bloody bastard, get the fuck out of here!’ yelled Brian Williams while he was being hold by John and Jack who came just a few minutes ago only to be quickly participating in a fight between Brian who he brief remembered from one of Rory’s birthdays and a tall man who he remembered from the group who came to revenge an unfaithful wife one night and beat him up.

_Why was he holding Brian again?_

‘Get out of here!’

‘I deserve to be here as much as you!’ said the man wiping blood from his nose which got injured when Brian punched him.

‘You are mad!’

‘I loved her…’

 ‘Stop it! Stop it both of you!’ cut in Amy who came with Clara and Martha out of the kitchen.

‘This is a funeral. Eva’s funeral,’ said Amy looking from one to another, ‘And even if it is you who has a problem she doesn’t deserve to be a part off her funeral. So either get out or behave and let’s go to another room to talk about it!’

The other man brushed his face, ‘Fine but I want to speak with Rory as well.’

‘Hell no!’

‘I want to speak with Rory as well…. he should hear what I am going to say!’ insisted the man.

‘No-,

‘Dad, it’s okay. I want to know,’ cut in Rory passing the people who were curious about the whole situation.

He took Amy’s hand, ‘Let’s go.’

And so they slowly went to the other room.

A fight. They put up a fight.

Amy couldn’t help a small thought about how Eva would have been upset about it happening on her event. Any kind of event. It was bitterly funny. If it wasn’t her funeral Amy would have even find it amusing and probably secretly laughed. But it was a funeral and Amy wasn’t morbid.

She squeezed Rory’s hand tightly. Whatever it will be she will stay by his side.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

John, Clara, Jack and a few others helped carefully pick up the broken glass from the vase that broke down during the fight.

‘Well, that was one way to crash a funeral,’ pointed Jack.

Clara chuckled.

‘Jack, Clara!’ admonished them John before he added, ‘and it’s a burial-feast.’

The trio grinned.

‘I brought the rubbish bin,’ said Rose who got on her knees and helped them.

Clara looked up. This was the first time she had actually seen Rose Tyler ever since she heard she started working for the hospital. Strange. Despite the age she looked the same. The big brown eyes, blond hair, big lips, stunning face and rather very attractive figure.

She felt a harsh smile crawling up her face. Of course she was beautiful and as Rory, John, Jack and even Martha talked about her she was funny, and clever and simply wonderful. Just what she needed to make her mood to drop even more.

A quick look at John and the true about the letter was on the tip of her tongue. In a second she turned back and saw Rose smiling at her.

‘Hello.’

‘Hi,’ she said as she didn’t turned back to John a smile of her own on her face. She didn’t really know why.

‘You look really great. Marriage suits you,’ continued Rose with a wink.

Clara nodded, ‘Thanks you look great yourself.’

‘Mummy, can I go play outside? Gwen said she will go with me,’ said a little boy that just came to them but stood in a careful distance from the glass.

Clara blinked surprised and looked at John who was also confused about the boy. As he looked at his wife he just shrugged his shoulders and asked once the boy walked away.

‘I didn’t know you have a son.’

‘How come? I talk about him all the time?’

‘Wait, this is Nate? I thought Nate was your boyfriend.’

‘Nope Nate is my first and permanent man. My boyfriend is Mickey. You’re rubbish at listening John. Clara must be having a hard time with you,’ she grinned and continued.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

Amy stood by Rory and Brian as the man now known as Frank Russell who as it just turned out was Rory’s step-brother.

Amy was absolutely still as the man told his story with Brian’s interruptions and wondered how many things don’t children know about their parents.

Subconsciously, she put her hand on her stomach wondering how many things she will be lying about to her child.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

Several minutes later Clara walked outside where Rose was sitting on one of the garden chairs as she watched Nate and two boys, members of the Williams family playing around.

Clara saw her through the window and in a sudden impulse she walked outside to her.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey, did the Ponds finally come out?’ asked Rose quickly.

Clara watched her for a moment surprised at her words.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘N-nothing no they didn’t… Ponds… that’s John’s word he always calls them that…’

‘Yeah, that is how I picked it up,’ said Rose with a smile.

‘They are probably solving a lot of things. No one knows who the man was so we will have to wait to find out,’ she walked to the chair next to Rose’s and sat down also looking at the kids running around and playing.

‘I’m glad that I’m not the only one who brought kids. My nanny fell ill on the last moment.’

Clara nodded her eyes still on the kids.

‘How old is he?’ she asked not really thinking about it.

‘Seven, he just started school this year. He’s really smart though can’t figure out from who but he is,’ said Rose admiration all over her face.

Clara smiled a bit, ‘I don’t know mum lawyer that’s pretty high and brainy job.’

Rose chuckled and looked at her, ‘Yeah, I guess. What about you and John? No kids planned?’

And just like that Rose was again on her hate list yet she supposed it wasn’t her fault. It was a logical question. She and John got it all the time when they were with new people so it would have been even suspicious if Rose didn’t asked.

‘N-no, we’re just the two of us… uhm for now… just us,’ said Clara putting hair behind her ear nervously.

Rose’s smile dropped a bit, ‘Oh, well that’s okay… it’s not good to rush things. I mean having a child is great but is anything but easy. But you know that, right? John told me you’re a teacher now.’

Clara nodded and looked at the kids again.

Rose watched her for a while the smile completely gone. She wasn’t sure why she started talking. It wasn’t very thought through plan but she had a feeling that she need to tell the story to another soul. Another hurt soul. She did it a few times before and it was always successful. She hoped it would help now as well.

‘Uhm, you know…I got pregnant a little after I started my third semester in the University. I still remember the moment I knew for sure that I was. I cried, I shout, I broke a TV-’

Clara blinked and confusedly looked at her.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**6 th October 2007**

Rose Tyler was just in her dormitory room and without much thought about it she just took her phone and violently threw it into her TV breaking the screen.

She was rapidly panting walking from one room to another.

No.

Just NO!

She couldn’t be pregnant. She was not pregnant. She just…

She ran to the bathroom again and took another rabbit test. The shop assistant thought she was mad when she took five tests.

She already used three. All positive but… she was not pregnant.

After she used all the tests she was even more out of control. She was in her second semester and had in all figured out. She would graduate and become a lawyer that was her plan and she was working on it. She was going to prove herself to anyone who ever thought she was just a pretty blonde. She wasn’t supposed to…

She was not pregnant!

‘Rose! What the hell did you do to the TV?’ She heard her roommate from behind the bathroom.

Rose rushed out, ‘Do we have anything?’

‘What food?’

‘No stupid, booze.’

Her roommate Jordan was a nice girl just a bit annoying since she almost never got a joke or sarcasm.

‘I don’t know… no we don’t… I guess,’ she said checking their fridge, ‘but if you want to get wasted there is a party on the second floor.’

Never. Never in her life will Rose Tyler forget herself what she did and surely she will have the right to because what she had done that night was absolutely unforgettable.

They came to the floor the party had pretty much spread everywhere so it wasn’t hard to get a drink. Or a lot of drinks.

Rational and good Rose knew that it was wrong, bad, even terrible what she was going right now considering the baby but irrational Rose just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget. To wake up and to find out that it was just some crazy dream that had nothing happened. That she finally broke up with the _dick_ and was happily single ready to have a great life from no own. Not the p word.

So she was drinking. Boy, was she drinking. Never in her whole life she was so drunk and did things she done that night and morning. She possible no definitely made out with at least seven guys and three girls.

Early morning she woke up in bed not hers and not alone.

With a headache and a terrible feeling in her stomach she for the first time realized the conveniences of the foolishness had she done.

Quickly getting dressed she called a cab and got to the hospital.

The doctor couldn’t help and told her that they would have to wait for a few weeks until they could see if her behavior had any fatal aftereffects on the unborn child inside her.

Rose was terrified she couldn’t believe she acted this way. That she risked her baby although unplanned like this.

After a week she confessed to her parents. The quick joy from her final break up with _the dick_ which brought her parents to seventh heaven was in a second replaced with an absolute disappointment and the deepest of hells.

Her mother even slapped her.  She never did that and her father well… he just couldn’t looked at her. She couldn’t decide rather his silence or her mother’s shouting was worst.

They lost contact after that and ever since then Rose was alone on her school studies, her way of paying school, and getting ready for the baby. After her really bad way of accepting the news she decided she let the baby down enough for the rest of her life and that for now on she would be a good mother.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

‘Why are you telling me this?’ asked Clara suspicious.

‘You just seem as if you need it,’ Rose shrugged her shoulders a supportive smile on her face, ‘What’s the matter Clara? Did something happen with you and John… and a baby?’

Clara looked at her tears suddenly at the corner of her eyes.

‘I tell that story whenever I see someone down and the way you look at the kids I can see something happened so… Don’t think that you are a bad person whatever happened.’

Clara put a hand on her mouth tears rolling down her cheeks and snobs coming recklessly out.

Rose came to her and hugged her from the back.

_Why was it always someone Clara hated that she found as a shoulder to cry on?_

And so they sat like that Clara Smith crying and Rose Tyler who rubbing her back and whispering calming words.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

Gwen was standing in the room a bit distant from the others watching some old women staring at her sandshoes.

She sighed. She still didn’t understand what happened to her shoes. She was more than sure that she brought them and put them to her locker she should call Rhys and find out if she didn’t left them home but she was so sure.

‘Hey there, what’s with the frown?’ asked Jack who came to her with a small plate.

She took her phone wondering if she shouldn’t really call him.

‘I still can’t get those shoes out of my head. I was sure that I took them but now I can’t tell. It’s strange.’

Jack shrugged his shoulders, ‘Maybe you did. Want to call Rhys to find out?’

Gwen looked from the phone to the front and then at him.

‘What?’ he asked a very strange smirk playing on his face. He knew what. Ever since he found out that her fiancé name is Rhys he was constantly mentioning him and doing his best to make the name the first thing that was noticed in the sentence.

She looked at her phone again, ‘I don’t know maybe I am just acting crazy. I mean where could I possibly put them or who would have taken them?’

‘Well, we don’t lock our lockers but we do lock the front door to the dressing room so it could have been only someone from the doctors and nurses but I highly doubt that. I been here for years and we never had any thieveries as I already told you.’

Gwen frowned at her phone and placed it back into her pocket.

‘Maybe I just left them home. So how is the family drama over there?’ She pointed at the closed door.

Jack took a bit, ‘Who knows they’re still there.’

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘It was an incident. We weren’t planning it. We weren’t…a baby…. it just I was even on pills I still don’t you know understand how or why… And I don’t know what is worst that I got pregnant and I didn’t want to or that I… you know lost it. It’s so strange,’ Clara shook her head.

‘It’s confusing.’

Rose nodded, ‘You need to know Clara it wasn’t yours or John’s fault. It just happened.’

‘Yeah, but…why?’

Rose shrugged her shoulders and looked at the kids, ‘I guess, it is one of those things. You know. They happen. Like with Rory’s mum, or yours and John’s parents, with my Nate… these things just happen and torturing ourselves with why or if is just pointless, Clara.’

Clara nodded and looked at her, ‘You know I hated you. Not Amyhate that was sooner. It was because of John.’

‘Because he had a crush on me?’ asked Rose with a smirk.

‘You knew?’

‘Everyone knew… but it wasn’t true love or anything. He loved me because he couldn’t have me. Because we stopped being friends.’

Clara chuckled, ‘Yeah. Tell me Rose, why you stopped talking with John in the first place? I mean he told me some of your old adventures when you were younger and you were quite friends so…,’ she shrugged, ‘Why?’

Rose smirk turned into a bitter smile, ‘It’s a really old and painful story Clara and if you say that you hated me as if in the past sense then I hope you won’t force me into telling you.’

Clara took her hand, ‘No, I used to hate you but more like you yourself I hated the thought of you as his first love.’

‘Than you hated pointlessly, Clara because you are John’s first love. First and only.’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

The Smiths dropped Martha by her house after they made sure that Amy had everything under control. She could see that there was something bothering the two but she didn’t press the issue. She knew that the both of them knew what it was like to lose a parent and perhaps it brought back bad memories.   

During her life Martha didn’t go to many funerals. Sure as a doctor she witnessed a few deaths but a funeral was a completely different experience for her.

She felt sad and possibly a bit depressed which only heightened as Tom was still away and they haven’t spoken today at all. She was thinking about calling him but it was already nine which meant that it was about eleven in Kenya.

Martha knew that it would be hard. The long distance relationship was a challenge itself but she was okay with it. Many told her that it wouldn’t work. Especially family members were rather intolerant but she fought hard for her and Tom whenever they would start the argument. She really loved Tom. She never met anyone who would have been like him and she was planning to keep him no matter what. Why wouldn’t when he was a perfect gentleman in every way?

John and Clara never also understood how she could simply be so long without Tom since they were together for 10 years and didn’t spend more than a few days without each other. But she did. She didn’t mind having a boyfriend who spent all his time and effort into saving and helping those who need in Africa. She admired him for that. What woman in her right mind wouldn’t? She liked to have her own hero man.

Plus the distance made them both independent so they could live their own lives and do what they liked.

Marriage should have been the same. The same independence, admiration, life. Yet it all of the sudden wasn’t… enough?

She didn’t know. Perhaps it was just today that she felt that she could really use her beloved husband to keep her in his arms and protect her from the terrible feelings of loneliness in the world.

She got undressed and ran a bath hoping it would calm her and make her feel warm at least for a while. Covering her thoughts with a patch to forget about the gloominess and the grey colour that the world suddenly appeared.

At least for a while then she will go to sleep and in the morning she will call him.

Yeah, that is what she is going to do.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**12 th October 2014**

Tonight Clara walked to the living room before she headed to sleep and very gently kissed John on the lips in a seconds lasting kiss. Their first ever since they found out about Clara’s pregnancy.

John was a bit startled and because he didn’t want to upset her he let her take the lead. His guilt still forcing him to do anything that would have satisfied her.

Once she leaned away she stared at him.

With her hair all pulled in a messy ponytail she appeared so young.  He would hardly guess her twenty-one if he didn’t knew her.

‘I love you,’ she said, ‘let’s just forget about it… never talk about it ever again and go to the bedroom so we can hold each other like we hold each other after every funeral to know that we are alive. That we are safe and alive.’

He watched the woman he loved so much for a moment before he took her hands and brought them to his lips kissing each one of them, ‘I love you too. I love you so soo much.’

She nodded and he stood up lips quickly locked as well as his hands were in a moment around her waists pushing her closer just as hers were on his back doing the same.

Clara moaned as they were ending the kisses only to start new ones hands dancing through each other, tension that was in the air for almost two weeks finally getting the better of them.

His tongue was properly distracting her from all the bad thoughts that were filling her mind and causing her insomnia and depression these days. No more bad thoughts. She needed this. She needed him not just because of the baby she lost but because of them. If they wouldn’t do something about it they would surely ended up as a pair of two sad people who would never talk to each other and she just didn’t want that to happen. Never. Not him.

He pushed her a bit away so he could take off her sleeping t-shirt leaving her only in her knickers.

She shivered for a moment as the cold hit her bare chest causing her nipples to stand. He quickly letting the T-shirt fall down covered them with his hands causing her to purr, her head falling behind.

He took the opportunity and captured her lips once more before they moved to her neck his hands still playing her body like an instrument. Once his lips wondered to her breasts he took one nipple into them while his hand moved lower into her kickers. He knew her too well. He knew who she was and what she liked. What made her giggle, scream and forget.

His fingers were moving and he knew that he was doing a good job when her fingers went to his head, through his hair crushing in as if they were trying to get into his skull.

She screamed a bit and he quickly moved to the next one. She was lost her whole being was taken by what he was doing. It was a wonderful feeling of carelessness to the outside world that at least for no wasn’t real.

She hit really fast which wasn’t surprising as he warmed her up like that and his fingers were making circles and then rubbing just the right way. She wanted more. She wanted to be worn out so bad that she would just fell on the covers and fall asleep for a day if it was possible.

Panting still pretty loaded and fast she reached her kickers her hands still shaking and pulled them down being left completely naked in front of him.

He swallowed and took her into his arms kissing her immediately and carrying her into the bed.

Very gently as if she was some china doll he placed her on the bed and in seconds got undressed.

He lied down on her his elbows holding him from fully crushing and they started kissing, teasing and caressing all over again making each other forget everything. Nothing except for the two of them was real in this moment, nothing mattered.  

Without further foreplay they simply with their lips kissing just as hungrily as before he took him and pushed him inside her causing a breath to hitch inside her throat and her finger to dig into his back.

‘Cl-‘

‘Don’t stop.’

He forgot that it had been a while since they were in this position. Usually they were both sitting.

‘Maybe I could-’

But she shook her head pushing herself up gently kissing him on the chin.

He nodded and carefully started moving inside her, teasing, wandering, and daring. He meant to be soft, well gentle but that would have never worked as the sensation that was created by their connected together bodies was controlling them.

The thrusts were hard and deep and very soon out of the rhythm but that didn’t matter because they were quickly finished. The pleasure that spread through them like a tsunami paralyzed them for a few wonderful moments. Taking them to a level that was beyond simple human touch or ordinary love. It was more. More than sex more than love more than anything that could have been describe with words. It was everything.

Terribly panting he put his head on her shoulder their shaking bodies all sweaty and warm lying like that until the wonderful feeling died away leaving just the two of them to face the reality. Luckily, it didn’t hurt so much now.

John pushed himself upward to look at her just then pulling himself from her.

They looked each other into the eyes and both softly smiled.

‘Will you hold me, John? Until I fall asleep.’

‘Always Clara.’

_Always_

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

It was late at night in the hospital. It was a few minutes past the changing shifts.

During the chaos that was in the dressing rooms with several doctors and nurses changing and talking, ones that were leaving and ones that were just coming to work someone opened a locker and put inside a bag. He managed to do it unnoticed by the others.

Once he closed the locker he put his finger on the nameplate and slowly came through it.

 _Cooper_  

 


	6. No Life is Perfect

 

**25 th October 2014**

Clara returned from work. Today wasn’t as bad as the ones before in fact it had been one of the best days she had had in a while and she couldn’t have been happier.  She was okay and calm and everything was alright until she accidentally didn’t walk on her colleagues during their lunch break as they were trying to find a new way of use of five small desks.

It took both of the parties a few moments to realize what was going on and as much strange it may appear Clara suddenly felt… need.

She tried to get home as soon as possible knowing that today John would have been home sooner.  

As she was getting out of her coat and shoes John came to her trying to tell her something but was quickly shut as she immediately kissed him fiercely denying him any chance of getting out.

In a second as her tongue was dominating him he was against a wall and her legs embraced him her lower body purposely curling against him sending warm waves of passion to him.

He chuckled against the kiss and pulled his head away which only made her reach his neck.

‘What-what has otten in you?’ he asked still smiling despite how hard her body was making it for him to think straight.

‘Played voyeur a-again?’

‘How can you tell?’ she asked breathless.

‘C-cause you’re a pervy monster whenever you see…,’he shook his head. ‘Listen Clara. David is here.’

That was like a cold shower that made Clara jump off John immediately fixing her outfit.

‘Not that I don’t like David but he just totally screwed a passionate evening for us.’

‘Tell me about it. He’s in the living room.’

‘Okay, I will go to the living room. You come once you will be _okay_ ,’ she said her eyes pointed at the visible bump in his trousers.

He nodded, ‘Yeah, that might take a while.’

She chuckled as she was leaving him, ‘You are such a teenager.’

‘Yeah, she’s the needy monster one but I’m the bad guy. Where is the justice in that?’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**6 th June 2010**

Clara was standing in front of a large mirror looking at her reflection. She never found herself attractive. Not like the girls that could walk into a room and everyone would be like ‘oh she’s pretty’ way. She was rather nice looking but nothing special despite John’s words.

Now looking at herself in the mirror she couldn’t help the feeling of pride and satisfaction that at least for one day she was drop-dead stunning because that was how she felt right now.

She looked around the room looking from her dad talking to Amy to Martha who was in the corner giving her now pregnant friend Nina a massage. Although she knew how weddings could be stressful and terrible hers was rather calm and in a positive atmosphere.

Amy who was near the door heard a soft knock and curious asked, ‘Who’s there?’

‘The best-man, David.’

Amy blinked and looked at Clara who heard the answer she nodded and Amy opened the door letting John’s older brother David in.

It wasn’t that David ever said something bad to Clara. He couldn’t since they never actually talk. She didn’t know what was wrong but she didn’t take it personally or offending. She was used to this sort of reactions toward her from school. She couldn’t care less about David even if she wanted to. John was the one she wanted. Why should she bother if David liked her or not? He would just have to deal with it.

As fearless as Clara often appeared to the outcome world she couldn’t help a small worry in the back of her mind. A small hidden voice pointing out a disaster that could David make out of her and John’s wedding just because he didn’t like her. She was surely being just foolish but she was a bride today so she was allowed to be.

The eyes of the brown-haired man went up and down her before he softly smiled making every worry that was inside her vanish.

‘Blimey Clara, you look beautiful. Now I can clearly see how you caught my brother so deep.’

She smiled.

David took the hint and gave her a light hug making sure he wouldn’t ruin her dress.

He put his hands on her shoulder, ‘I’m really happy for you two. I know how much my brother loves you and I can see now that you love him back just as much. If I ever offended you or anything please forgive me.’

She shook her head, ‘No, David you didn’t offend me. You only wanted to protect your little brother I know and I am so grateful for John to have such a loving brother.’

David nodded and took a step away, ‘Anyway, I know that you probably have something old and new but…,’ he put his hand into his pocket and brought out a small box.

Clara blinked before her eyes widened in realization of what will it be.

He opened it and as she thought it was a small silver key on a lace. She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she saw the small thing.

David smile a bit, ‘You probably heard the story from John about our great-grandfather about how his mother was afraid he would get lost during the war so she give him a small key with his name engraved on it.’

Smiling she nodded fighting back tears because of her makeup, ‘Of course.’

‘Well, it’s a tradition to get the key by the mother. I know you wouldn’t mind if John would give it to you but… I wanted for you to know that I really want you in our family. I hope we will do better from now on as brother and sister-in-law,’ he smirked which she followed with a chuckle.

‘Yeah, well jewelry is the key to a woman’s heart,’ she joked.

He nodded and pulling the key out asking for permission which she gladly gave him.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**25 th October 2014**

‘Hey, David,’ Clara greeted him just as she entered the room David stood up and gave her a quick hug.

‘Hey, sis,’ he said. It was his thing to call her sis. It started shortly after her and John’s wedding and despite that it should have been weird since he mostly called John little brother well… it still was weird they got over it after a few years.

The true was that they weren’t meeting so often. Sure, they were family and whenever they were together they would be warm and everything about each other but somehow whenever they weren’t in a constant contact that seemed to forget about each other.

Clara knew that although John would always say something like that ‘adult life works that way’ or ‘we are just living our lives’ it bothered him. She wondered what was the story with David and although she tried to talk about it with John many times he always just shrugged a shoulder and didn’t talk about it.

She didn’t press the matter. Some things were really meant to keep hidden. Some secrets were meant to protect and therefore it was best to keep them locked.

‘So how are you? We haven’t seen you in a while,’ she said sitting down on the sofa opposite to him.

The taller and older Smith smiled, ‘Yeah, well work and everything not that you guys were all meetings as well.’

‘Yes, I guess we weren’t…,’ a flash of things that happened lately came to her mind, ‘So what’s new? By the way thanks for getting Donna to meet with Rory.’

Right after the funeral John contacted with David to help the poor man with dealing with his loss. It ended in a bit of a fight.

John was still a bit shaken with what happened to them… to their first baby and so when for some reason David wasn’t too much keen to help him they fought through the phone. It was the first actual fight she was a witness of between them.

It was strange neither John nor Clara understood what was the matter with David. Another odd thing about him. Being angry or reserved all of a sudden with no reason.

John entered the room.

‘What took you so long?’ asked David with a raised eye brow.

John grinned but didn’t answer the question knowing that Clara wouldn’t appreciate his brother knowing what they were doing.

He sat down next to Clara, ‘So how are you? What’s new? By the way thanks   for Donna and all.’

Clara and David looked at each other before they burst into laugh.

‘What?’ asked John confused looking from one to another.

‘You are soooo married.’

‘What?’

Clara shook her head and put her hand on John’s knee, ‘Nothing, really.’

David hawked to calm down and looked at the two, ‘As I told Clara I was a bit busy work and everything and no problem. Donna is always more than happy to help. She’s a good woman.’

‘So is everything okay between you two?’ asked John and took his cup, ‘Sorry should I make you one too?’ he asked Clara since he already made tea for him and David.

‘Nah, I will do it just sit and talk louder,’ she squeezed his knee a bit and winked at David.

‘Yeah, everything is okay. We had a bit of an issue…. it was a tough time I guess somewhere around Rory’s mother dead and funeral.’

John nodded, ‘That was a hard time for everyone,’ his eyes subconsciously went to the kitchen.

David nodded.

Although he and John weren’t the perfect prototype of family blood wasn’t water and despite John told himself he won’t tell anyone about what happen with their baby. He couldn’t keep it inside and so he let his brother be the older brother he needed so much at the moment. And vice verse David told John… the true.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**14 th October 2014**

After one Amy worried call in the night both John and Clara got quickly dressed and headed to the Ponds house.

‘John!’ Blurted out Clara once Amy opened the door to them.

Quickly following her gaze he noticed blood on Amy’s pajama t-shirt and thought for the worst. John immediately checking her.

‘That’s not mine it’s Rory’s.’

It turned out that Rory got out of bed late at night and broke a photo they had on the wall with his fist.

He was sitting on the sofa staring in front of him with a blank look. No emotions, no feelings, no nothing. He was just sitting there as if he was possessed, numbness coming from his presence.

John sat next to him.

‘Rory, what’s the matter mate? Rory?’

But he didn’t answer he looked at Amy who just shook her head, ‘He’s been like this ever since Eva. I don’t know what to do anymore,’ she shook her head.

‘What about Brian?’ asked Clara immediately coming to hug Amy.

‘Gone. After the funeral he just vanished and no one knows where he is. I already called all his friends and the family members. I don’t know. Should I call the police?’ she asked.

Clara shrugged her shoulders, ‘I guess you should but first let’s make sure Rory is okay, alright?’

The red head nodded clearly relieved that she wasn’t on her own to deal with something like this.

John took care of Rory’s hand before he joined the two women standing near them, ‘Listen, why don’t I ring David. He’s seeing this therapist once or twice a week. He said she’s really great I think patient also mentioned Donna Noble or something. What do you say?’

Amy nervously brushed her neck, ‘I don’t want him to, you know, be on drugs.’

‘I know but this isn’t normal Amy. Give it a try maybe a good talk would have helped. God knows that there is more than one can handle on both of yours shoulders,’ he said putting his hands on her shoulders as a comfort gesture.

She sighed, ‘Just… okay call. I really need help… Both of us really need help with this.’

John smiled and placed a soft kiss to her forehead before he went to the other room.

It was something pass one o’clock so he supposed David would be asleep and a bit grumpy that he was calling but he really didn’t expect that sort of reaction.

‘Are you nuts? Are you aware of what bloody time is it?’ shouted his brother once he finished his request.

‘Like I said it’s a emergency-‘

‘You said you needed me to get Donna. She is a therapist if it was an emergency you could do well on your own. You are a doctor after all!’

John frowned. He knew it was late but that was no reason for David to act that way.

‘What is your problem? Don’t you understand that my friend need be seen by a therapist? Can’t you just once do something for me that isn’t in your benefit?’

‘Oh really? So you are saying that I never did anything that wasn’t for you? I did bloody everything for you. I made sure you were okay, feed, educated, had money. Gosh, I even gave up on…,’ he stopped talking leaving John shocked and confused as he continued his tone more calm this time.

‘Sorry,’ he sighed, ‘that wasn’t right for me to say. Me and Donna are kind of not talking to each other but I will make sure she will see your friend,’ he said suddenly the regret coming from his voice.

John also softened, ‘Sorry, I didn’t know that. It’s just that Rory is really in a terrible state. He’s taking his mum… really badly I’m sure you can understand that.’

‘Yeah, of course I can. I will work on it and get you a ring about in the late morning, okay?’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

After a few hours which they spent in the Ponds house they phoned Jack who was supposed to come to work later so Amy wouldn’t be alone with Rory.

Clara and John returned home to get quickly changed already working up plans how to be on calls with Rory all a bit worried about his absence in work for such a long period.

‘You think your boss will be that heartless? I mean his mum died and he found out some pretty disturbing things about his past?’ asked him Clara as she was drinking her second coffee in the kitchen.

He sighed, ‘I would really like to think that but you can picture him from our talks what do you think?’

She didn’t answer because the answer was clear as day.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

A little after David phoned John that Donna would take Rory that day and so despite his boss’s disapproves decided to take Rory to her surgery so Amy could have some rest.

He met David outside and with Rory quietly walking between them they went inside.

Donna, who John met for the first time looked like a nice and confident woman so when she gave him an assuring smile and took Rory inside he felt a small rock of worries falling away.

As Rory stepped behind the white door David and John remained outside.

This was for the first time that they met ever since David’s birthday in the spring. John couldn’t help the thought of his brother looking really badly. He was always thinner than John but now he appeared even worst almost malnourished. He also stopped shaving and really could use an hour or two of extra sleep.

He wondered if his new look had something to do with his fall out with Donna. Now he could recall that David use to mention her _every_ time talked for the last few years. Which meant that she was really important.

‘Seriously, how are you? You look like shit.’

‘Jeez, thanks for the lovely words, little brother.’

They started talking once they were out of Donna’s building heading for some coffee.

‘Well, will you tell me what happened?’ asked John again looking at the pour appearance that was now left of his brother.

‘What can I say? I screwed up big time and I couldn’t look her into the eye after that.’

He blinked, ‘What have you done?’

David sighed as they sat down behind a small table waiting to order. Once they did and David was sure the nice looking waitress couldn’t hear them he looked at his brother. After those past weeks he had really a terrible time just for himself without anyone to talk to and he really missed having some sort of support. Badly missed it.

Looking at John now he could see that his once little brother wasn’t as little as he used to be and that he was like that for a long time. He understood that. He understood that ever since the day he was standing behind him on his wedding watching his stunned face as Clara was walking to him with her dad.

His brother was an adult for a long time but there were certain moments where it hit him that he really was one of them. One of the real everyday adults with the actions he made and David couldn’t help feeling proud and sad at the same time that their parents couldn’t see what an amazing man had he become and how happy he was.

‘I slept with Donna.’

John’s look was more priceless than David could ever imagine. It took John obviously a few long moment before he finally got into some sort of state of acceptance since he started opening and closing his mouth.

The thought of David having a romantic relationship was a bit well odd. Ever since their parents and John’s finding out what was dating and all about it he hadn’t seen or heard David talking about anyone although he suspected with time that there must have been moments when there was someone. Like for example when he out of the blue decided to explain him sex.

‘So are you guys… uhm… do you love her?’ he asked.

David rolled his eyes, ‘Of course that a love at first sight kind of man like you would ask that.’

‘So it was a one night stand. Whoa! Didn’t know you are into those.’

‘That’s the thing,’ he waited for the waitress to again leave before he continued, ‘I don’t. We got drunk at her birthday party and I…we just sort of did it.’

That was another thing for John, ‘So you drink?’

‘Not like that. It was a… onetime thing.’

John nodded and took his cup, ‘Lately you have been doing many onetime things, ha?’

David frowned a bit, ‘To answer your question, no, I don’t love her in that sort of way and surely if I wasn’t drunk I wouldn’t do any of that.’

‘I see. And I understand the obvious problem between you two. Did you try to talk about it?’

David brushed his hair, ‘Donna is a therapist of course she went all don’t feel guilty about it.’

‘But you do.’

‘Of course I do. I feel like I absolutely lost her trust. I should have… I shouldn’t have drink in the first place. I should have been the reasonable one.’

‘Well dear brother from what I knew about these things it takes two people. Is Donna a woman who would let herself be forced into something?’

‘Donna?’ David chuckled, ‘I would like to see the man that would have the guts or power to commend her something.’

John smiled, ‘See, hardly she would be mad because of that. It’s more likely she feels just as bad as you because she broke your trust in her as a patient and friend.’

David nodded.

‘And maybe she is slightly more mad that once you gotten what you wanted you simply let her go like a used condom.’

David frowned and snapped, ‘That was a bit inappropriate.’

‘Not when it is needed. If you need to hear that to finally be a man and do something about Donna then I will tell you it,’ said John firmly making sure that he looked unmoved like a stone on this.

David waved his hand, ‘Fine, I will talk to her properly once she is done with Rory.’

John nodded and took another sip of his tea.

‘What about you little brother? How are things with you and Clara? No little Smiths ahead?’ he asked after a moment of their silent drinking tea.

David immediately knew the flinch of John’s tea cup in his hand once he asked that question. He knew the flinch. It was almost his own and since he and John were brothers it might have been.

‘John, what’s the matter? Did something happen?’

John let out a bit awkward chuckle as he put his hand on his face to brush it, a bitter smile on his face.

‘Clara lost a baby.’

‘John-’

‘We didn’t know. It… she went to see her doctor and she told her that she was pregnant but lost it. And the worst part is… She called that she went to her doctor and I thought…God, I thought that she lied to me about taking pills and-‘

‘John,’ David took his shoulder, ‘Calm down, it’s okay.’

‘No it’s not. I had sworn to love and protect Clara long before I married her possibly from the day we first spoke and David I failed her.’

‘John, you couldn’t have stopped this from happening.’

‘Yes I could. I could have told her to have a baby so she would immediately know she was pregnant. Or notice myself or at least be a better person than to ask some higher power that she wouldn’t be pregnant,’ tears started rolling down his cheeks, ‘Because that’s what I did. I asked that she wasn’t pregnant that it was a false alarm and it turned out to be…’

David watched his little brother with horror. Yes, John was an adult. And despite that David had been an adult longer than him and knew that life wasn’t as sweet as honey he expected that once his brother is out of childhood, out of collage with a job he enjoys and a woman he loves he has well… a happy life.

He wanted to ask but he couldn’t bring himself to. His demons had ruined his life and his one chance with having a bond with his only relative and he accepted that almost never caring about what his brother was going now as a grown up man.

Idiot.

That’s what he was. Should have known better than to dig him like this. What if something else happened? What if John had died? He wouldn’t have even known? He would be alone. Now for real alone.

Squeezing his brother hand he did something he had done only one time before. He opened up.

‘John, I want us to be a better family from now on. To see each other more often to be… a real family.’

John took a few deep breath to stop crying and looked at him, ‘What do you mean?’

‘I think it’s time I tell you something that I hoped I never have to but… you are my brother and you will… we will never be okay until I tell you this but I need to warn you. I know you and I will leave it completely up to you if you will tell Clara about this or not. Just know she can never confront me about it. I wouldn’t have survived it, okay?’

John still confused nodded.

‘Before I tell you the other thing about Rose I will tell you about…It was a party night in collage. I was 23…’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

  1. **March 2002**



David was just coming back from work. Someone would say that it was impossible for a teacher his caliber to be held at work so late but true was teachers were busy people. Plus David has had another good reason which came in his 56 years old collegian Mrs. Ashton who was desperately trying to set him up with her daughter. Well, that was definitely not happening.

Though now that he was driving back home he felt a small regret. It was already dark and terribly raining. He wanted to get home as fast as possible although he knew John had already eaten and must have already started on his homeworks. A lot of times David wasn’t even sure why was he needed in home. He could just give him more money and leave for uncountable days and John would be just fine. Shame on him. He wanted to be close with John. In the name of their dead parents but just as well because they were blooded brothers. Yet, there were these scars on him that just couldn’t bring him to get close. Not even to his own little brother.

Just as he was on the street he cursed as the rain was making it hard to see the road in front of him.

It happened in a second. One minute, there was a car in front of him stopping. He might have frown or curse again a small thought about how reckless new drivers could be. And in the next moment there was blond girl in front of the him, on the road.

He hit the brakes just in time to avoid her.

The girl in front of him didn’t flinch or anything. Instead she knelled down on the wet road in front of him.

Powered by the adrenaline created from the almost happening he quickly rushed from his car into the rain to the girl.

She was kneeling next to a dog that was lying on the road. He barely saw anything because of the rain and the adrenaline when he still rapidly took the girl in a brown coat by her shoulders.

‘Are you mad? I could have killed you!’ he shouted at the girl.

The girl looked up, ‘He hit him! He hit him and ran away,’ she sobbed.

David eyes widened as he recognized the girl as his brother’s friend who often came to play with him, Rose Tyler.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

He and Rose were silently waiting for the vet to come and tell them how have the operation gone. He was shocked to find out that Rose was the girl that he almost hit. True be told that ever since John could take care of himself David was rarely found home so he haven’t had a chance to meet John’s friends like he used to. Rose Tyler was a fifteen year old girl who he knew ever since kindergarten where she had gone with John.

He looked at her although her face was still wet from the rain and tears she was quite pretty. He wondered if his brother and she weren’t dating. They were good friend and kids in this age often end up experimenting in this area. That reminded him that as unpleasant as it may appeared he needed to talk to John about this things. _Boy, was he looking forward to that._ For more than one reason.

As he was looking at her he put down his coat and hand it to her, ‘Put this on. You’re shivering,’ he said gently.

The young girl gave him a quick look before she smiled a bit and took the coat putting it around her.

Rose couldn’t help but appreciate the nice perfume that the coat was soaked with. She brushed her face a bit.

‘I didn’t know you have a dog,’ said David as he hoped a little chat would ease the situation, at least a bit.

She looked at him and shook her head, ‘No… he’s just the dog that wanders around our street I like him. I often bring him food. I like him… I didn’t want the capture of animals to take him.’

David should have acted as an adult and let her know that it was irresponsible and dangerous to keep a bindle stiff dog like that but he couldn’t. Instead he chuckled, his hand covering his eyes as he started laughing a bit.

She blinked confused, ‘Are you laughing at me?’

‘No.’

‘You are. Don’t you know it’s rude to laugh at someone like that?’

He looked at her nodding, ‘Okay, you’re right but you have to admit it’s kind of funny. Can’t you ask your parents to get you a dog?’

Rose face dropped a bit, ‘No, my father maybe but mum… she’s really against it. It’s okay…Gosh, I should have let him get taken at least he would have been hurt now,’ she sobbed again.

David shook his head and put an arm around her shoulders as her sobs followed with tears and loud cries continued.

He held her close and despite it was mostly to comfort the young girl in his arms he couldn’t help the feeling that came. David used to be quite a happy person he supposed. All his high school friends always took him as the funny guy that they could hung out with. He was always in a group of people usually in the center of attention. He knew he was quite attractive for females. They let him know it by constant looks and smiles, and offers and other things. He was enjoying being himself. His parents were great, his little brother was great, his life was great. Then _that thing_ had happened and everything when to hell. First his parents, then his falling out with John and everything. He always blaming _that thing_ as the main caused of every shit in his life.

Ever since _that_ he couldn’t. He simply didn’t go out. He tried a few dates and so but once he was touched by those women he jerked away as if he got burned thinking about that night feeling nausea hitting him. As time passed he became even disgusted with small gestures like hugs, or shake hands which often ended him washing his hands right after.

When he hugged Rose it was subconscious. He wasn’t thinking about it. His hands moved on his own. It was for the first time in a while since he done it and he wasn’t feeling anything. No nausea, no disgust. Nothing just his body shaking a bit as Rose was sobbing and moving them.

When his hand got from her back to her hair it wasn’t a mistake or a subconscious action it was very intentional. Again nothing happen. Except of his finger gently coming through her delicate and soft light hair which remained him of the sun.

‘Shushhhh, Rose. It’s going to be okay,’ he assured her whispering.

She leaned more to him her forehead resting on his shoulder as she continued crying. Despite the wet of the cold rain he didn’t feel cold. Not anymore at least. His mind was fully wrapping itself around the fact that he was touching another human without any anxious coming to him. How long has it been a year? Two? Since he last hugged someone? Touched someone at all?

He couldn’t tell.

**DDDDDDDDDDD**

**25 th October 2014**

Jack had suffered through another boring and annoying talk with his boss who was once again being an ass. Right now he wanted nothing more than to get out of work as soon as possible and get a drink or kick something but he still had about four hours to go so that wasn’t happening.

Feeling that he really needed to get his head a bit on the air he went outside to the back where they parked the ambulances knowing that the spot would be filled with smokers who were enjoying a moment to calm themselves.

He was surprised to find Gwen there though. He never saw her smoking before and surely that would be something he would notice if she was doing it. He always had a good nose.

‘Hey, Cooper what’s with that nasty thing you got there?’ he asked as he approached the woman.

She gave him a quick startled look. She must have not notice him coming to her.

He thought he was in a bad state because of his ‘talk’ with his boss but seeing how her hand with the cigarette was shaking he was doing quite well compare to her.

‘Gwen, what’s wrong?’ he asked concern almost touchable from his voice as he put his hand on her shoulder his face softened seeing her watery red eyes ready to let out tears.

‘Another bag?’

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

**13 th October 2014**

It was a day after the funeral. He worked the late shift so he came to work some time about nine o’clock immediately seeing something was wrong when there were two policemen talking to Gwen, their boss and another man who Jack guessed as Gwen’s fiancé.

She was looking really shaken and the man who reminded him of a bit teddy bear was calming her.

Sure, he looked like a nice guy and from Gwen’s talk he really was that sort of non-conflictive, just safe but the problem with safe was that there was usually no passion no challenge no fun. Jack had no doubt he would fight off anyone who would try to do something to Gwen but that was it. That was the primal cave man thing.

And a woman like Gwen Cooper really looked like the type that would enjoy and need as much fun as she could get.

As he was coming closer to them his boss pointed at him.

‘This is Jack Harkness the crazy American I told you about-’

‘No!’ cut in Gwen, ‘This is bullshit Jack would never do such a thing.’

‘What’s going on?’ asked Jack who was nervous and confused by the talk. He hated not knowing when the situation was about him.

‘Like you don’t know. I am sure you have you hands in this whole mess. Just like the embarrassment you caused last November.’

‘First of all that was Halloween. Second, what does that have to do with anything?’ 

 ‘It appears Miss Cooper has been a victim of a prank.’

‘Seriously a prank?’ asked the fiancé heatedly, ‘This is what you call a prank. This is sick. How can you not see that,’ spoken the man.

‘Sir, I am asking you to lower your voice,’ said one of the policemen.

‘You can’t be serious!’

‘Sir-‘

‘Come on fellas,’ stepped in Jack between Gwen and the angry man and the policemen, ‘We don’t want to disturb our great and very unwell patients, do we now?’ he asked smiling.

Gwen gave him a quick but warm smile to which he nodded.

‘It appears someone has left a gift in Miss Cooper’s locker. Something that looked dead.’

Jack’s eyes widened instantly.

‘But wasn’t,’ jumped in Gwen. ‘At first I thought it was a real dead cat but it’s not. It’s just really some toy or whatever it was plastic and the blood was just some paint. I didn’t even want to call the police but Rhys.’

‘Someone put a dead cat in your locker and I don’t care if it was a joke or not if it was fake or not. This is-‘

And it went on and on. From what Jack had managed to gather from their talking and interrupting each other and shouting mostly on Rhys (no so non-conflicted after all)side Gwen came to work only to find a plastic black cat with red paint on it in the bag she had brought her shoes for the funeral of Rory’s father.

Joke or not it was insane to do something like that and he could only wonder who would have anything against Gwen so much to do something like that.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

**25 th October 2014**

‘If it was another bag I would simply crawl out of my skin,’ she shook off his hand from her shoulder and stepped a bit away.

‘But there obviously is something. Gwen. What happened?’ he asked but didn’t come closer again.

 ‘A phone call,’ she threw the cigarette away brushing her knees a bit.

‘What phone call?’ asked Jack alarmed and took another shot at stepping a bit closer to her.

She shrugged her shoulders her face coming back to normal, the redness of the nose and eyes fainting, ‘At night, during the day. Someone just calls and then hangs up after that. I stopped picking up if I don’t know the number.’

Jack frowned, ‘Listen, this is more of a police kind of thing, don’t you think? Have you tried to get them to check it out?’

‘Yeah, but the phone number isn’t register and the man working in the shop who sold it doesn’t recall it so… so much for that. I’m thinking about changing my number.’

‘And?’ he crossed his arms.

‘And, what?’

‘What else are you planning to do except for that?’ he moved in front of her, ‘I know you are not that kind of a person and surely Rhys doesn’t want to leave it with that.’

 Gwen frowned, ‘No, that he doesn’t.’

‘So you kids have same plan about it?’ he asked with a sly smirk.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

**30 th March 2002**

As David came home he found John watching TV on the sofa. Still a bit taken by the events he walked to him and sat down next to him.

‘How was school?’

‘It was okay. Mr. Jones said I might break the school’s record in this year’s biology test.’

‘Could you sit up please?’ asked David his gaze on the screen.

John blinked confused but obeyed.

David closed his eyes and again not giving it a much thought he hugged his little brother, in a brotherly embrace.

John was surprised since his brother wasn’t really a hug kind of person. He remembered he used to be but for some reason he wasn’t anymore.

‘Not that I don’t mind but what is it for?’

‘Just because you’re a great brother and that I really love you John and before I’ll probably never hug you again you should give the most of it.’

‘Okay.’

As they separated David took a deep breath and looked at his brother, ‘And now go bring me a banana from the kitchen and a small balloon.’

John raised his brows. His brother was a physic professor so he loved everything that had something to do with technologies and so on but it sound rather weird. He didn’t usually show him any experiments.

‘Uhm, okay but why?’

‘Because I don’t have any condoms. Now go. I need to explain you a few things and I have to do it tonight so we can never talk about it again.’

‘David?!’

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**25 th October 2014**

Clara sat down on the bed instructing John to come and join her.

He smirked as he sat down his hand brushing her cheek, ‘Rain check?’ It took a few hours until David leave since no of them tried to get him out. His visits were rear things so they always tried their best not to be busy when he decided to come.

‘Maybe,’ she said and moved to him before she moved away, ‘Then again wait.’ Her hand playfully stopped on his stomach.

He sighed and fell backwards on the bed.

She lied down next to him, ‘I wanted to ask you what were you and David talking about when I came from the bathroom. You both looked troubled but you didn’t say anything.’

‘Oh, you know the whole Donna thing,’ he said his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Clara rolled to her side watching him, ‘Which you also never explained to me.’

John sighed, ‘I know and believe me if it was our problem I would but David needs to solve this out on his own. He doesn’t want you to think any less of him.’

A small thought about their conversation and a terrible imagine flew through his head causing him to sit up. Clara quickly followed putting her hand on his shoulder.

‘He’s my family too you know. If there is something bothering him I should know if I can do anything.’

He smiled and bit and moved to her kissing her tiny nose, ‘Be a supporting sister like you always were and never give him the impression that you think about him any less than you thought till now.’

Clara gave him an annoyed look, ‘You know I will always be like that.’

‘Then it’s enough,’ he assured her before he kissed her, tenderly.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘Hello?’ asked Amy Pond as she picked up the phone while her mother was with Rory in the living room.

‘Hi, Amy… it’s me Brian.’

‘Oh my Gosh, Brian are you okay? Where are you? We have been worried,’ she said relief running through her that Brian Williams was alive because in the last few days she honestly didn’t know.

‘Well, I am in jail.’

Her eyes widened, ‘Pardon?’

‘I am in jail and I’m going to need for someone to come and sign the papers so they can let me out.’

_At least he is alive._

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
